


Peace Under the Moon

by moodwriter



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Angst, Canon Compliant, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Mating, Romance, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-14
Updated: 2012-09-14
Packaged: 2017-11-14 05:34:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 28
Words: 68,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/511870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moodwriter/pseuds/moodwriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tommy is the omega of his pack, cursed and lonely. He wants something else for himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

>   
>  Banner by the lovely poutytrout (LJ)
> 
> The story is based on this prompt made by justclaire357 on LJ:
> 
> Recently I have been caring for a large number of animals. I've been surprised by the fact when an animal that is doing poorly is given a quiet place by itself many times recovers on its own. Since I've been crushing on A/T this observation lead to a plot bunny. What if A and T were werewolves where T for whatever reason was at the bottom of his pack's pecking order and not doing too well. Either A "annexes" T for A's pack or T cleverly manipulates a situation where T is "given" to A's pack. Not being constantly picked on allows T to come into his own. And that's all I have. :-)

  
_You give me something to hold on to_  
I hear your voice, and it quiets my mind  
Every beautiful melody  
Every perfect piercing line  
You give me something to hold on to 

_You are a vessel of light_  
to me tonight  
And while I wrestle with demons and appetites  
I cling to you 

_You give me something to hold on to_  
You tell the stories I need you to tell  
Something in the way you sing  
pulls me out of my lonely hell  
You give me something to hold on to 

_Sing to me..._  
You are a vessel of light  
to me tonight  
And while I wrestle with demons and appetites  
I cling to you 

_Sing to me, sing to me_  
your melancholy song  
Sing to me, sing to me  
and I will hold on 

Something To Hold On To by Allie Moss

Why get up? That's his first thought every morning, but today is an exception. He has a reason. He's going to an audition even if it's the last thing he does. He sure as hell has no right to do it.

With shaking hands he applies his makeup, does his hair, and puts his leather jacket on. Tommy hides the bruises under layers of clothing, but he can't hide the damage done to his heart. He can see it in his brown eyes, the mirror reflecting his inner thoughts. 

They never touch his face because it's beautiful, but everything else is fair game. He sometimes wonders what they get from it. No bite marks, though. Nobody wants to claim him because he's one of the cursed ones, not born or bitten. An anomaly in a freak world. 

He grabs his backpack and guitar, and looks back one more time. There are five of them, passed out on the sofas and on the floor. What he did is unspeakable. They might tear him apart when they wake up. Robert is not a forgiving Alpha. It's pure luck they even took him in. Burbank has a hunter pack that eats people like him for dinner.

Tommy has to take three different buses to get where he wants, the joys of public transportation in a city that's made for driving your own car. He starts shaking again when he takes the elevator to the top floor. He will know immediately if Adam is what he thinks he is, and Adam will know who he is the moment he catches his scent. He just has to hope it doesn't matter. 

Of course it fucking matters. This curse has destroyed all his dreams. He was able to hold on to one of his guitars just because it was entertaining and amusing to his pack that he could play anything they asked. Two years break of playing in a band and he's ready to let them kill him. 

There's a line of people waiting, but none of them are speaking to each other. That suites him fine. He's not a talker, never was. He sits down on one of the chairs, his guitar between his legs. He waits for hours, but it doesn't matter. He's so used to unpleasant things that this holds nothing against him. He's learned to disappear into his own mind; he knows how to hide, how to be invisible. It's the reason he still lives, the reason why he still eats and drinks and wears clothes. He's good at not causing a scene. 

"Mr. Ratliff, you're next." 

He looks up at the pretty girl in blue hair and fishnet stockings, then follows her to the long corridor that leads to the audition room. She tells him what is expected of him, and he listens, nodding every once in a while to let her know that he understands everything. 

Then he's ushered into the room where Adam Lambert and his people are waiting for him. When their eyes meet he breathes in deep. He was right. 

Adam stares at him for a while, a smile spreading on his face. "So, you're Tommy. This is Monte, and I'm Adam. Whatcha gonna play for us?"

Tommy sighs. He gets a chance even though he smells like a weakling. He would thank the universe if he believed in such bullshit. "20th Century Boy." 

There's a wicked glint in Adam's eyes when he leans back in his chair. "T. Rex, Placebo, or Velvet Goldmine?"

He bites his lip. "All three."

Monte whispers something in Adam's ear, but even with his heightened senses he can't hear what. Adam just nods, then turns back to Tommy. "Please, start."

Tommy gets ready, trying to control his breathing and heartbeats but failing. He keeps repeating in his mind: _Only way out. Only way out. Only way out._

He knows it's an easy song, but he adds his own twist to it, showing off a little. Adam looks impressed, but Monte's expression shows nothing. When he finishes the song Adam claps, and Tommy tries not to blush. He hasn't been praised in such a long time it goes straight through him, pierces him with a pleasant thrill. 

"That was awesome. And I'm guessing you know that was easy."

Tommy nods. He realizes he should talk, too, but his voice is gone. 

"Play us something else."

"Ask me anything," Tommy says, challenging. 

"Anything?" Monte asks, his eyes brighter all of a sudden. 

Tommy shrugs. "I'll do my best."

They start throwing him songs, and he plays whatever they request. Adam wants Bohemian Rhapsody. Monte asks for Stairway to Heaven, Sultans of Swing, and Whole Lotta Love. Then Adam requests Sweet Child O'Mine, and Tommy falls for him a little. It turns into a silly game and soon they've gone way past his audition time. 

"Play the song we sent you," Adam finally says. 

He has only been able to listen to it twice. Sleepwalker. But it's his already, something he now owns, has tamed. He plays it with everything he has, and when it ends his heart is beating so loud he's sure Adam and Monte can hear it. 

The room is quiet. He feels uncomfortable again, like the walls are closing in, and he knows he's not going to get the position. They're going to send him away. 

"I want him," Adam says to nobody in particular. "Can you play bass?"

 _Fuck._ No way in hell will he be able to buy a bass guitar right now. He's lucky if he survives the night. "I can, but I haven't practiced the song with bass. Why?"

"Because he," Adam points at Monte, "is my guitarist." Then he looks at Tommy from head to toe. "I really truly want him," he repeats, turning to face Monte. "He's perfect for the job."

"He's good, but we need to see him play bass." Monte looks at him. "Do you own a bass guitar?"

Tommy shakes his head. "I don't have much at the moment," he says, not wanting to reveal that all he has is on him right now. 

"Can you come back tomorrow?" Adam asks. "We'll arrange you a bass."

He shifts his feet. His pack will find him if he goes anywhere else. Right now he's surrounded by the smells of Adam's pack. He either stays or doesn't return at all. "Can I stay here and practice?"

Adam looks startled, but understanding quickly dawns on his face. "It's your birthday today. You don't want to celebrate?"

He doesn't even want to remember the last two birthdays he's had. "Nah, too old to celebrate age."

Adam's smile is crooked. "You look young."

That smile nails him to his place. "I get that a lot," he says to say something, anything to take the edge away. 

Adam stands up, all fluid motion and beautiful long legs. He's intimidating, and Tommy can't tear his gaze away. Adam walks up to him, circling him, his eyes penetrating. "I like your sign."

"Sign?" 

"Zodiac, sweetheart." 

"Libra?" he breathes out. He's shaking again. 

Adam's smile grows wider. "A perfect match."

He's going to fall on his knees if Adam doesn't stop. He has to know what Tommy is. 

Adam leans closer to whisper in his ear, "You're from hunter pack neighborhood?"

"Burbank, yeah," he whispers back.

Adam tilts his face up with two fingers. "Are you here without permission?"

His heart is trying to crush through his chest. "Yes."

Adam has the right to return him, in pieces if he likes. The shaking is visible now. 

"Do any of them own you?"

"No." He holds his breath. This is either his salvation or his doom.

There's something cold in Adam's eyes, something he can't read or recognize, but it shifts away soon. "Do you want to play the guitar, or do you want someone to save you?"

Honesty is the only way to go. "Both. This is my dream."

"Oh... I like you," Adam says, then kisses his forehead. 

He can't believe it. Relief washes over him so fast he loses his balance for a second and falls against Adam's chest. He pulls away immediately, apologizing. 

Adam just steps back, staring at him. "What's the name of your pack leader?"

"Robert Parker."

"I need his phone number," Adam says with an ominous tone. "I'll negotiate, but I can't promise you anything. You can stay here for now, though. Sisi will give you something to eat."

His stomach, the traitor, growls. "Thank you." He bows his head. 

"Hey." Adam's voice is quiet. "You did great."

The gentle hand on his shoulder hurts him, but he tries not to flinch. 

The blue haired girl takes him to a small room where there's only a couch, TV, fridge, and no windows. It looks like a messy backstage space, and Tommy loves it immediately. No windows means anybody who wants to get to him has to go through Adam first. He feels safe for the first time in two years. 

"Thank you," he says to her, and she smiles at him hesitantly. 

"He said you can eat anything from the fridge, but I advice you not to try his yogurt. It tastes like shit."

Tommy snorts and thanks her for the warning, and then he's alone. For a second there he panics because someone has been with him almost every moment of every day. He can't even think on his own anymore. 

He sits on the couch, bouncing up and down a little to test it. Then he wanders to the fridge, and opens it to see what's inside. He closes it soon after because he doesn't know what to take. Oddly, the yogurt is calling for him. 

Then he switches the TV on, but he can't find any good channels. He leaves it on, though, because he needs some kind of noise to fill the room. He goes back to the fridge and looks into the food containers. They are filled with Thai food. 

He finds a plate from the cupboard on top of the fridge and pours a little of the food on the plate, his mouth watering. He's so fucking skinny because he's always the last one to eat - if there's anything left.

There is a microwave on top of the fridge, but he does wonder if he wants to wait that long to eat. After two seconds he decides to microwave it because he can't remember the last time he ate something deliciously hot. He looks at the food the whole time it's inside the little machine. 

The moment he sits down to eat, the plate hot against his thighs, someone walks in. He looks up, afraid and apologetic and ready to give away everything he has in his hands. 

The guy smiles at him. "Sorry. I didn't mean to spook you. My hands were full so I couldn't knock." He's carrying a bass and an amplifier. "Adam asked me to bring these to you. I'm Jeff."

Tommy takes his hand and shakes it. "Tommy."

"Yeah, I know. I heard you. You're good."

He wasn't expecting that, and it startles a shaky "Thanks" out of him. 

"Just try to be quiet. This building is old so the walls are thick, but still, try not to disturb the audition."

"Okay, yeah, thank you so much."

"It's cool, man. Have fun." Jeff leaves him alone, and he stares at the closed door for a long while afterwards. It's been such a long time since people have acted normally around him. 

He gets to practice for hours before anybody bothers him again. He almost dozes off because he feels so peaceful. 

There's a knock on the door, and Adam peeks in. "We've finished for today. How are you? Did you eat?"

Tommy looks at him dumbly, then says, "I'm good, thanks. And the food was awesome." 

Everything weirds him out. They are all acting like he's one of them even though they know it's not true. He knew Adam was different but he didn't know how much. 

Adam comes in and sits on the armrest of the couch. "Sisi will bring you a blanket and a pillow. You can sleep here. If you like..."

Tommy wants to ask where Adam will be, but he has no right. Nobody will come here even if they know where he is. "Yeah, this is perfect. Softer than anything I've slept on since..." He swallows the rest of the sentence, but it doesn't matter because Adam finishes it. "Since the curse?"

He nods, bowing his head again. He's supposed to show submission to an Alpha. 

Adam sits next to Tommy, and their scents mingle. It has a dizzying effect on Tommy. He takes two gulps of breath, and holds them in. "Who cursed you?"

"A crazy grandmother of my last girlfriend. I lured her to the dark side or some shit like that. The old hag died soon after." He hasn't told the whole story to anyone. He hasn't seen any of his old friends since, and he's only talked with his mother on the phone. It's all so fucked up. "Can I ask something?"

"Shoot."

He looks at Adam, fear crawling under his skin. "Even if... you find someone better for the band will you take me? Please?"

Adam stays absolutely still for a few heartbeats, measuring Tommy with his gaze. "How damaged are you?" he finally asks. "I can't put anyone in danger because of you. I can't risk any fits of rage."

"I'm fine. You can look if you want to." His voice is shaking, and he knows he's not fine, but he also knows he can handle it and he wants Adam to see that. 

"You'd let me look inside you? You don't even know me." 

He knows enough. He's seen how people close to Adam act, humans and weres alike. "You can. I'll let you."

"Turn towards me," Adam says, and Tommy obeys. They're sitting sideways on the couch, facing each other. Adam moves closer, placing his hands on Tommy's knees, and then there's nothing between them but ancient magic and instincts. 

He wants to flee. It's an overwhelming urge because he's letting Adam violate his privacy. Nobody can force this to happen, and that's why nobody has done it to him. They would've, though, if there was a way. 

Adam's eyes turn yellow as they stare at each other. His have done the same by now, but he can't feel it. He's only seen this done once, and there was no trust between those people. There's no sound in the room. Neither of them breathes. 

Then Adam pulls back, whispering, "Oh god..."

He has no idea what Adam has seen, but it can't be anything good because most of his memories are brutal. "You okay?" He reaches for Adam's arm, but realizes what he's doing before that happens. He lets his hand fall to his side. 

"Yeah, yeah... Fine. I'm fine." Adam doesn't look at him, doesn't let go of his knees either. There's something wrong about the way he can't seem to focus his gaze. "Sorry. I want to kill." His fingers dig into Tommy's skin, blunt nails hurting his already bruised skin. "I'm trying... How long?"

"Two years," he whispers. The way Adam hurts him doesn't feel so bad. He's not afraid of him. "Two years."

"They broke your right hand three weeks ago. It has to hurt." Adam still hasn't looked at him. 

Tommy swallows, trying desperately to breathe in and out, in and out. "I'm used to it."

It's then that Adam realizes he's hurting Tommy, and he lets go, the sudden release like an empty cry. "Sorry. Fuck. Didn't mean to. Sorry."

"It's okay." The words are soothing. He can sound so genuine when he tries to make other people feel better. That has saved his life more times than he can count. "It's okay."

Adam's eyes are intense and green and right there, pushing past his every surface. Adam can see through him now. "It's not. Your shoulder is dislocated. I touched it, and you didn't say anything. Tommy... I'll keep you. I'll find a way. I promise." 

Tears, fucking tears, run down his cheeks. He can do nothing to stop them. He's not sobbing, just crying silently. Adam wipes them away with his thumbs, so gentle he can't take it. "Sorry. Don't. Please don't touch me."

Adam pulls his hands away, jerking back. "I won't. Ever. I won't." 

Tommy nods. "Thank you."


	2. Chapter 2

__

Send away for a priceless gift  
One not subtle, one not on the list  
Send away for a perfect world  
One not simply, so absurd  
In these times of doing what you're told  
You keep these feelings, no one knows  
What ever happened to the young man's heart  
Swallowed by pain, as he slowly fell apart

And I'm staring down the barrel of a 45,  
Swimming through the ashes of another life  
No real reason to accept the way things have changed  
Staring down the barrel of a 45

Send a message to the unborn child  
Keep your eyes open for a while  
In a box high up on the shelf, left for you, no one else  
There's a piece of a puzzle known as life  
Wrapped in guilt, sealed up tight

What ever happened to the young man's heart  
Swallowed by pain, as he slowly fell apart

45 by Shinedown

Tommy wakes up to silence, everything peaceful and dreamy, like he's in a womb. He blinks a few times, trying to make something out of the darkness, but the red light of the TV is the only beacon in the gray world around him.

He has a blanket over him, and it smells like perfume and skin. Girl's skin. He thinks of Sisi, the blue haired girl, and it makes him smile. She was so sweet, fussing over him like he's five. 

The couch is uncomfortable under his back, but he's never loved any bed as much as this one. He wants to stay here in this little haven, wants to make a nest there. The ridiculousness of that thought makes him blush, but there's nobody there to see his embarrassment. 

"I'm alone," he whispers to the darkness. "Alone."

Tommy pulls the blanket close to his chin and lets his eyelids fall shut. He'll be able to sleep some more, he's sure of that.

The next day is beyond hectic. All of a sudden, there are people around him every freaking moment, asking him to play the guitar or to help with all kinds of little things, or just needing his opinion for something meaningful. He's sure Adam is somehow behind this, but he doesn't know what he's said to his people. 

He also notices that they all come to him; he doesn't have to leave his room. 

When it's nearly his time to play the bass the room clears magically, and he has time to concentrate. The whole game is so obvious that he can do nothing but follow the path Adam has paved for him. But he is grateful, even if this is the weirdest way anyone has ever tried to make him feel better. Adam launched his friends at him. 

There's a knock on the door, and Sisi peeks in. "They're having a little break and then it's your turn. Five minutes, maybe."

Tommy smiles because she's smiling, white teeth visible from behind her red lips. She's human, but she knows he's not. "Thanks. I'll get ready," he says, and she nods, leaving with a wave.

It's a little hard for him to step over the threshold, but he manages, pushing the panic behind the heavy doors that have protected his inner peace for years. 

Adam's whole presences is inviting and easy-going, but it doesn't fool Tommy. He knows exactly what Adam is doing. He just doesn't know why, can't understand why he even matters. Adam knows now some things that have happened to him, but he's still just a stranger, just another stray wolf. Adam must have met people like him before. 

He gives them the best show possible, lets them peek inside his soul through his music, and hopes that it's enough to impress Monte. He knows Adam will choose him now if he's good enough, but he doesn't want to be just good. He wants to be the best. 

"You still want him?" Monte asks Adam after Tommy has finished playing. Adam nods, staring at Tommy, his eyes locked somewhere close to Tommy's mouth. "Then I'll support your decision."

Adam's lips curve to a dangerous smile. Tommy tries to hold still, knuckles turning white as he squeezes the side of his bass. There's nobody else there, just the three of them, and that revelation hits him hard. 

"Are they coming here?" Tommy asks, horror seeping through his every cell. 

"Only Robert. We're meeting privately. You don't even have to see him..."

The way Adam leaves the sentence hanging tells Tommy that this will happen only if Adam manages to free Tommy. Otherwise, he'll have to leave with Robert because Adam will not go to war for him, no matter how much Adam may like him. He accepts that. 

He's not going back, though. He has a gun with one silver bullet. That goes through his brain if Adam can't buy his freedom. He won't let them tear him apart. "Can I wait at the back room?"

"You like it there?" Adam asks softly, and he sways, so close to losing his balance. He doesn't want to feel like that, doesn't want to have anything he might have to give away. 

"Yeah, I like it. It's quiet there." Safe, too. 

Adam's gaze feels like a caress. "You can wait there. We can't hide your scent anyway. It's all over the place. He'll know you're here. I won't let him close, though."

Tommy nods. He trusts Adam. 

In that little room, he sits on the edge of the couch, biting his nails. It's such a cliché thing to do, but that stupid habit returned when he became a wolf. He eats off most of his nail polish, barely noticing it. Nothing is as bad as waiting, not knowing the outcome, not knowing if you'll win or lose, not knowing which is worse: hoping for the best or dreading for the worst. He wants to affect the universe, make it choose things to his favor, but the universe hasn't been listening to him for a long fucking time. 

He starts pacing the room because sitting does him no good. His mind is a narrow passage of _What will happen to me?_ There's no room for anything else. He clenches his hands into fists, and pushes them against his eyes. It's killing him. 

After what feels like hours, the door to his room opens, and Adam stands there in the doorway, the light behind him spicing his hair with pink. 

"I got you out but with one condition. You have to see him one more time, and I have to let him punish you. He can't do anything to harm you permanently, but... Can you do that?" Adam looks like he can't let it happen, like he wants Tommy to fight, but that would mean a full blown war. 

He closes his eyes, his whole body tensing. He can do it. Of course he can. He's been doing it for two years. He's a fucking crash test dummy, a squeaky toy, a pincushion, whatever image feeds his imagination the most. 

"Yes," he simply says, moving slowly towards Adam who can't seem to take his eyes off Tommy. 

"I tried everything else. I have so many heirlooms, so much knowledge he could use. He wanted to take you back for a day, back to your pack. I wouldn't accept that under any circumstances, but I couldn't... I tried. Fuck, I tried. He's so fucking angry and... just insane."

He knows. He's been in the receiving end of that insanity. "I know you tried. You've already done more for me than I ever could have imagined. Thank you." He wants to go already. The guilt on Adam's face is something he can't handle right now. "You did great," he says quietly, giving Adam back his own words. 

Adam looks surprised, then smiles a thin smile. "I'll take care of you." The strength Adam shows in that moment goes through Tommy, leaving him breathless but more determined than before. One last time, then he's free. 

"I'm ready."

Adam leads him out of his haven, through the wide audition space, along a dark corridor to an office space and then, a conference room. The whole time Tommy keeps his hands behind his back, holding his wrist, like he's a prisoner of war. 

Robert is standing in front of a huge window, his back to the door. There's a long table and stairs between them, but a steel door would not be enough. His black coat reaches his ankles, and his dark mane of hair falls messily down his back. He turns around, his eyes feverish, but clear of any substances. "Hello, Thomas."

He remembers the first time they met, and how he fell for the act, the fierce kindness and caring. He had been living on the streets for a week, and he was starving. Robert brought him in, gave him a shelter, made him feel strong again. It hurt more to fall. 

Tommy knows better than to answer. He has no right to say a word unless his opinion is asked. 

"Adam here says you're going to play in his band," Robert says, walking closer. Tommy steels himself. He's not going to hide this time. "Are you sure you want to leave your family?"

He'll miss Tara, but he can live with that. "I want to follow my dream. It's more convenient for me to live with Adam's pack." He can still say the wrong words and destroy the pact Adam and Robert have made. 

Robert touches the side of his face, and he has to will himself to stay absolutely still. "I don't want you to go," Robert says softly, kissing his forehead. "I'll miss you, like I would miss any of my children." The words are whispered against his skin, and he can't hold the shudder in, can't control his tired, frightful body. It's not so bad. He's just sending a message through his skin. 

"Adam gave me the right to punish you because you left without a permission, because you poisoned your own pack. I want you to know that I'm not angry. I'll forgive you."

Tommy swallows, the sound so fucking loud in the quiet room. Adam is sitting at the far end of the table, but Tommy can't turn his head to see if he's looking at them. He just feels Adam's presence there. He hopes Adam can hold still because this can get nasty pretty fast. 

Robert takes a step back, staring at Tommy intently. "Take off that shirt, please. I want to see..."

He grabs the hem of his long sleeve T-shirt and pulls it over his head. He's wearing nothing underneath, except the mesh shirt made of silver. It's partly burned into his skin. 

"Beautiful," Robert says, his fingers soon following his words. "It's a part of you."

It's a constant ache, something he's learned to accept, learned to live with. It's like everything that's been used to hold him down. 

Robert pulls at one of the silver rings at his side, and he screams when the skin breaks around it. He knows Robert wants to hear him scream so he never holds it in. "This is mine," Robert says. "I'm taking it with me." 

He should have guessed, but he had forgotten about the mesh shirt completely. He screams again when Robert pulls a few of the silver rings out at once, yanking hard at the hem of the shirt. His stomach is bleeding, but his vision isn't yet blurring. He can still stand. 

Adam is breathing hard, but he's staying where he is. Tommy hopes Adam knows it's going to be okay. He can take this. 

Robert lets his hand slide over Tommy's inked arm as he walks behind him. "Stay still. It will hurt less if you do." The hand is soothing and gentle, the touch a caress more than anything else. 

When the pain hits his lower back he falls on his knees, crying out and doubling over, palms flat against the floor. 

There's nothing he can do after that except hope that it will be over soon. He can't even stop himself from begging out loud, and that gives Robert the right to hold him down, to choke him. He's bleeding so much now he's soon going to pass out because of blood loss. 

But the shirt is gone, no more on him, no more hurting him, no more. He breathes on the floor, lying in his own blood. 

"He's all yours," Robert says. "I hope he's more useful to you than he ever was to me." And then he's gone, his scent still lingering in the room. 

Adam is by his side the moment the door closes. "God," Adam says, turning Tommy on his back and pulling him against his own body. 

Tommy groans. Everything hurts, but he's healing fast. "Don't. Your clothes will get dirty." Blood all over. A hysterical sound rumbles out of him, and it takes him a while to recognize it. He's laughing, then maybe crying. And then he mercifully loses his consciousness.

The night has turned to dawn when he opens his eyes. He can't remember his dream, but his heart is pounding in his chest, and his skin is clammy. _Fuck this shit._ He tries to get up, but someone has tied his wrists to the sides of the bed, effectively stopping him from escaping. 

"You need to heal," Adam says, and he jerks his head back, looking at Adam accusingly. "Stay still, please. I'll free you when you feel better." He pauses, letting out a long breath. "You've tried to escape five times already. I'll let you go if you really want to, but I want you to heal first."

"Where am I?" His throat feels tight and hoarse, like he's been screaming for hours. Maybe he has. 

"The guest room of my house. You can stay here as long as you want to." Adam has been sitting in an armchair close to the bed, but now he stands up, and the fear inside Tommy spikes, crawling out of his skin in a way that Adam can easily smell it. "Don't fear me," Adam says, intense but quiet. "I'll never do anything like this to you."

Tommy lifts one of his wrists to show Adam what he's done. 

"That is to keep you safe. You've been out of your mind. It was either that or me holding you down. Which one do you prefer?"

_Oh..._

"Yeah... I'll get you something to drink. This is the first time you've been coherent so I hope you're getting better. The wounds are healing already." Adam starts walking away, but before he leaves Tommy whispers, "Thank you."

Adam stops, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. "Please don't make me regret this decision. Please be good to yourself."

His breath catches, his heart in his throat. He doesn't know what he's supposed to say to that. "Okay," he says weakly because everything else sounds wrong and stupid. 

When Adam is gone he turns his attention to his surroundings, trying to calm his overactive mind. It's a beautiful room with a few carefully selected furniture: a bed, an old wooden wardrobe, a desk, and the red armchair next to the bed. The drapes are red, too, and the walls are a light shade of orange. It's warm, and very very clean. It looks like nobody has been there before him. 

He's wearing only briefs and apparently socks, and a thick duvet covers him from chest to toes. Adam has bandaged his torso, and probably cleaned the wounds, too. 

The whole thing makes him feel helpless, and he hates nothing more. He's rarely been helpless during the two years of torture because he's always been able to manipulate his situation in some way. This is new. Tomorrow is as wide open as his future in ten years time. With Robert, Tommy knew what would happen; he knew how Robert's mind worked, even when it was unpredictable. He knew how to follow the cues. 

Right now, he has no idea what's expected of him. 

Adam returns, holding a tray of food. "Are you hungry? I thought you might be hungry. I also brought water and three different juices and tea. Do you like tea?"

The way Adam is babbling makes it clear Adam doesn't know how to behave either. Maybe he's never had anyone like Tommy in his pack before. "I should be the one bringing you food," Tommy says. 

Adam gives him a puzzled look. "Why? You're not trying to challenge me so I have no problem taking care of you. You're not my slave. I didn't buy your freedom to shackle you myself."

"Why did you do it then?"

"Because I saw inside you, not just the things they've done to you... I saw you. I saw the human you are, and how it's not connected with the wolf at all, and how you're still able to hold it together. I want to get to know you. I want you to be happy. I want you to be who you are. That's why."

He tilts his head to the side, watching Adam carefully. There's nothing untruthful about those words. "Can I see my family?"

"Yes."

 _Fuck._ There are tears in the corners of his eyes. 

"Can I date people?"

"Yes."

"Without asking permission?"

"Yes."

"Can I have my own place? Can I eat what I like? Can I play whenever I want to?"

Adam smiles. "Yes, to all. You can't pass territory lines without my permission. You can't date another wolf from a different pack without introducing us, but within the pack there are no rules, except you will get your ass kicked if you try to steal someone's mate."

"Can I eat now?" His smile is tentative, but it's there. "I'm hungry."

Adam places the tray on top of Tommy's thighs, then slowly frees his wrists. "Please do."

"Can I always speak my mind?" he asks between bites of bread.

"I'd prefer that," Adam says, sitting on the side of the bed. 

"Will you help me get to know the wolf?" He's as surprised by the question as Adam is. 

Adam touches his bare arm, and he doesn't flinch. "Yes."


	3. Chapter 3

Three days go by without them talking much to each other. Adam is a busy bee who runs wherever his nose points him. He's brilliant at his job, and Tommy can only admire his never ending energy and enthusiasm, but if he's honest it also tires him. He's glad Adam leaves him alone, and only comes to visit him at odd hours of the night, changing the bandages and asking a few subtle questions every now and then. 

He's healing fast which is good, but it also means he has to start making hard decisions soon, like what to do with his life now that it's his again. He's not better at taking care of himself than he was when he first realized he's a werewolf. He doesn't have to go back to the streets, though, because he has a job now, and he has Adam's pack behind him. 

That night, when Adam comes to his room (he finds it a bit silly that he gets attached to places now that he can actually have things) and treats his wounds again Tommy asks him, "Can I move back to Burbank?"

Adam stops removing the bandages from around Tommy's stomach, and just stares at him. "What?"

"I've lived there all my life. I want to take it back." He sounds far more determined than he feels. 

"Carl Salsburg," Adam says. "He leads the hunter pack."

Tommy swallows, playing with the corner of his blanket. "If you mark me he can't touch me."

"It would be permanent." 

He can't read Adam's tone. He knows that he's asking too much, but he wants this. He wants to have that strength behind him. He wants to belong. "If you'll have me," he says. He's not breathing at all now. 

"You haven't lived with us. You don't know us. You don't know anything." Adam's hands on his stomach feel heavy, the touch thoughtful and pleasant. "You don't know me."

"I know how your people treat you. I know how you treat them. That's enough for me. I'm not asking you to claim me. I'm asking you to mark me. Make me yours." 

Adam is quiet for a long while, and Tommy fears he won't do this, that he'll leave Tommy to the outside circle, that he won't take him as one of his own. He can live with that. He will live with that, but he hopes Adam sees merit in this. He hopes Adam sees worth in him. 

"Sit up and turn your back to me," Adam finally says, pulling his hands away. 

He does that, breathing shallow breaths, almost panting. 

"Try to be quiet," Adam says softly, then adds, "Do you know how this works?"

Tommy tries to speak, but no words come out. He clears his throat. "I've seen it once."

"This is different."

He believes that. "Please." He closes his eyes when he feels Adam move closer, feels him touch his arms, hands sliding over his inked skin. 

"Breathe," Adam says close to his ear. He tries. "This will hurt, but in a good way."

Adam shows him his hand, how the nails of his fingers grow into claws. "I'll carve the mark into your skin with these. Then I'll seal it with this tongue." He licks a long trail up Tommy's shoulder to his ear, his tongue rough against Tommy's skin. 

Tommy's legs start to shake, and he puts his hands on top of his knees to control them a little. "Please, do it." 

"You want it?" Adam sounds less like a human and more like the beast he really is. 

"I want it." His voice is fragile but controlled. In this moment, he knows exactly what he wants. 

"Stay still. Let me do this then." 

Tommy nods, and then freezes. He's not prepared for the pain that goes through his body when Adam's claw draws blood. He's even less prepared for the way Adam licks the blood away, sealing the wound. And it's the same place he opens and closes three times, then moves a few inches, drawing a picture with his claws and his tongue, marking him forever. 

It's more intense than anything his ever felt before, and he's nothing but feeling, the back of his neck hurting, his skin burning under Adam's touch. It hurts worse than most things he's experienced, but every lick takes the pain away, soothing, soft, warm. His toes curl against the carpet, but otherwise he stays as still as possible. It feels like Adam is branding him with a special kind of tattoo. 

He didn't know it would take this long. He didn't know that he would feel this vulnerable. He didn't know he would give a part of his soul to Adam through the marking. 

Then finally Adam licks him the last time, and grabs his throat, tilting his head back. "Mine," Adam growls, and there's nothing human about him. "Mine."

Right this moment, he'd do anything for Adam, to Adam, anything he'd ask. He has no will of his own. 

Adam's fingers around his throat tighten for a few seconds, and then he lets go, softly turning Tommy around and pushing him down on the bed. Adam leans close, and smells his neck. "You smell like mine." He sounds so satisfied. "Good." He kisses Tommy's cheek, then his forehead, pushing his hair back. "So good."

He's shaking all over, and he's so aroused he can't think at all. Not one part of his body is working properly. He's dead weight. But he's still breathing. 

"You're mine," Adam says one last time, and rests most of his weight on top of him. He clings to that weight, his mind anchoring itself to this person. 

He almost falls asleep then, exhaustion clawing at his conscious mind, but Adam won't let him. Adam keeps sniffing at him, his tongue darting out like he can't control himself at all, and maybe he can't. Maybe this is pure instinct. 

"I can't let you go for a while," Adam says, kissing the underside of his chin. "Can't. Won't. I need you here for a while. Let me."

He realizes Adam is worried about touching him because he promised he wouldn't. It's ridiculous. Right now, he'd rather die than let go. "It's okay," he whispers in Adam's hair. They are sweaty, hair sticking to their faces, but it feels good. All good. 

"Thank god... I can't let go." Adam laughs softly, and moves even closer. How he manages is beyond Tommy, but it feels perfect. He hums low in his throat. 

It takes two hours for the spell to break, and Tommy dozes off five times under Adam, letting Adam hold him, keep him close. 

When it's finally over Adam rolls off him, smiling, lazy like a cat, all warm and languid. "That's wonderful," Adam says, stretching his arms above his head. 

Tommy agrees, smiling back. There's different kind of warmth inside him. He knows where he belongs. He has a place now. "Thank you." He has no idea how many times he's thanked Adam over the past few days, but it's never going to be enough. 

"You still have to be careful," Adam says after a while. "Hunter packs don't always follow the rules." He pauses, turning on his side. "I want you to be careful."

He will be. "I haven't seen my mother for two years. I told her I moved to Australia." 

Adam lets his hand hover over Tommy's side, but he changes his mind, placing it on top of his own thigh. "You could see her without moving there."

"I know, but it's my neighborhood, it's my home. This curse took all that away."

Adam sighs. "It's not the wolf's fault. You found the wrong people, or they found you."

He knows, but it doesn't make it any easier. He hates the monster inside him. It's made his life a living hell. "Maybe not, but everything is fucked up because of it."

This time Adam does touch the side of his face, brushing his hair behind his ear. He pulls away from the touch before he can stop himself. Gentle touches hurt him. They make him vulnerable. He can't allow it, not right now when he's trying to find his footing. 

"You still want to get to know the wolf?" Adam doesn't pull back, doesn't stop touching him and Tommy wants to snarl at him. He won't, though. 

"I want to make it yield to my will." 

Adam holds his gaze, blue eyes searching. "Do you?"

"I want to control it."

"Why?" 

"I want to push it back."

Adam looks hurt. "Let me show you what it's like."

There's a promise behind those words, larger and more powerful than Tommy can imagine. He doesn't want to imagine it. He doesn't want to want it. It's enough to him that he has a place now. He wants his life back. He wants to feel something other than pain now. The wolf is all about pain. "Show me how to hold it down."

"Tommy..."

"No."

"God. You hate it so much?" It's not really a question, yet it is. 

He doesn't want to disappoint Adam, but he can't be what Adam wants from him. He's a cursed wolf, a prey instead of a predator. There's no strength in that so he'd rather push it back. "I promise to be useful. I promise to be loyal to you. I promise to love you. I promise to give you everything. But the wolf stays hidden." 

There's a brief moment when he thinks Adam will hit him. It passes quickly, but it leaves a scar inside him. He betrayed Adam's trust when he asked him to mark him. Adam didn't get another wolf to his pack. He's something else. 

"You've made up your mind?"

Tommy nods. Maybe this is the first test. Maybe this will tell him if he made the biggest mistake of his life when he put his fate in Adam's hands. 

"I'll help you repress the wolf. I'll help you."

He can only stare at Adam. He's not sure if he feels relief or something else because he's mostly numb. He's carried the burden of the wolf for so long that to be free of it seems like a dream. "You'd do that, for me?"

"I will."

He exhales, lets himself relax completely, exhausted and at peace. He wants to thank Adam, but he's done it a million times already. Instead he takes Adam's hand, and brings it close to his heart. Adam owns him, but it still feels different from the way he was owned before, like he's free to walk away, but he doesn't want to. "I'm happy," he says, closing his eyes. 

Adam says nothing, but he lets Tommy keep his hand, doesn't pull away. It means everything to him.


	4. Chapter 4

He gets visitors when he's mostly healed and feeling comfortable enough to have a little garden-party. He's been swimming, too, but he hasn't said anything to Adam about it. He wants to know how it feels to keep things to himself again. 

Sisi, Jeff, and Lisa come to see him, and they bring him chocolate and chips because they don't know if he likes sweet or salty goodies. He tells them he prefers Jack over anything, but they deny his fun. No drinks for the patient, apparently. 

Lisa is Adam's new keyboardist, a tall woman with blond hair and kind features, and Tommy feels comfortable with her. Jeff is the only were besides Tommy, but he seems very nonchalant about it, clearly following Adam's instructions on how to behave with the newest member of their inner pack. He's sure Jeff can smell Adam on him, though. 

When they are about to leave Sisi hugs him goodbye, and the sudden touch makes him rigid. He tries to relax into it, but Sisi pulls away before he can make it better. Her smile is a little stiff, but her scent doesn't change. She's not expecting anything, just hoping. 

Adam has been gone the whole day, but he promised that tonight they would have a wolf-talk. Tommy is both expecting and dreading it. He'd rather ignore the whole thing. He wants to be normal again. He wants to forget the past two years and start over. He wants to scrape it all off his skin. 

He shivers in the evening air and decides to go inside, wrapping his arms around himself. He's wearing Adam's T-shirt and sweatpants, and they are way too big for him. He looks stupid in them, but he doesn't care. He feels a little happy wearing them so it's worth it. 

Tommy has forced himself to move around Adam's neighborhood so he won't get stuck in one place. He recognizes the need to hide, to dig a hole for himself, to disappear. He doesn't want to look at the world because the world is vicious and distorted, but he knows where that fear comes from. He won't submit to it.

Adam's house has four rooms and a kitchen, and it's old and sweet in a way that makes Tommy feel like he's welcome there. The house is rented, and Adam will find a new one when he has time and energy for such things. But for now, this is the place where he can relax for a little while. 

He runs a bath for himself because he can. This is one of those things he's done four nights in a row just because it's possible. Adam hasn't said anything even though he keeps the bathroom to himself for hours. A grumpy line may appear between his brows, but that's all. 

Tommy gets to do all kinds of odd things, and Adam doesn't even look at him in a funny way. 

One night, he woke up at three, and started playing the guitar. He went to the kitchen so he wouldn't bother Adam, but Adam did wake up, came to get something to drink, pajama pants riding low on his hipbones, his chest bare and hair messy. Even then he didn't say anything, but Tommy could see that he wasn't pleased. He apologized in the morning, and promised he would do something less noisy next time he couldn't sleep. 

He takes off his clothes, looking at himself in the mirror. His chest is almost healed, and Adam hasn't bandaged his wounds for two nights now. There are red marks all over his upper body, but they are getting lighter every day. He doesn't have many visible scars, but the ones he has are deep.

Adam's friend cut and dyed his hair, and now he looks like a skunk with half of his head white and half black. Adam said he looks pretty, but he's not sure if he can trust Adam's words right now. It's possible Adam would say anything to him to make him feel better. He doesn't need to feel better. He needs to feel powerful, in control. 

Tommy leans forward over the sink, and tries to see the mark in the back of his neck. It's hard. He can only see parts of it, but it's angry-looking. He slides his fingers over it, feels the raw skin there. It still hurts, but it's a nice ache, something that makes him want to remember. Sometimes he wonders if there's something wrong with him because it's easier for him to deal with pain than anything else.

The bath is waiting for him, full of bubbles and lovely smells. He breathes in deep, enjoying the lazy feel of his evening. Nobody expects him to do anything. He gets into the tub slowly, the hot water burning him in a perfect way. He sighs when he lies down. Now that his wounds are completely closed soap water doesn't hurt him any more. Even more perfect. 

He lets his hands caress his thighs. He wants to touch himself, but he's holding back. He has the right to do whatever he wants now, but he doesn't know how to free himself completely. It's been so long. He hasn't dated anyone, hasn't had any normal relationships since the wolf. He wants to take things slow, wants to let himself get used to the ideas of life, freedom, rights, self, painless, heart, warm, pleasing... 

He cups his balls anyway, his breath catching. He thinks of Sisi, and her pretty legs wrapped around his waist, that firm ass, how it would feel. He doesn't want to come, doesn't want to spoil the bath water, but he plays with the idea. 

This is one of the things he's missed so much. Time for himself. Time alone. 

He stops stroking himself, and just lies there, eyes closed and mind wandering in pleasant places. 

"Tommy!" Adam yells through the door, sounding excited. "Are you decent?" 

"I'm having a bath," he yells back, but Adam rushes in, full of bouncy energy. "Guess what?" he asks, and all Tommy can do is stare. "Guess!"

"Bath, Adam. Go away."

"Guess. Guess. Guess." He's one amazing ball of excitement, his spirit all over the place. 

Tommy grabs some of the foam and brings it closer to his middle. He doesn't really care because Adam clearly has no problem with him being naked. "Pink wants to sing a duet with you?"

"Oooh... That's a good one. But no." Adam bites his lower lip, the smile bursting through his whole being. "I'll be closing the American Music Awards with For Your Entertainment."

"What in the... what?"

"And you'll be there with me." Adam crouches next to the bathtub, grabbing the side of it. "On stage, playing."

 _On stage?_

"I love that look." Adam pokes Tommy's nose, and it startles him, makes him sink under the water a little. At least he doesn't inhale. "You'll be playing bass parts with the keyboard. It's gonna be insane."

"Rad," Tommy says, aiming for excited and sounding like a scared mouse. 

"Fun! Perfect, amazing, crazy fun." Adam looks years younger, like a child. A happy kid. 

Tommy touches Adam's cheek with his knuckles before he can stop himself. "I'm glad," he says. 

"Be glad for yourself," Adam says in return. "You'll be on national television. Everyone gets to see you play."

Nobody notices the band members, and that's fine with him. He just wants to play, make music. 

Adam moves closer, and kisses his neck. He's done that a lot lately, sniffed him, kissed his skin without warning, always looking a little apologetic afterwards. This time Adam lets out a pleased sound, and doesn't pull back. "I love the way you can't wash it away."

That makes him feel a little dizzy, and he grabs Adam's arm to push him away, gently. 

"Yeah..." Adam purrs next to his skin. "It's still so new. Sorry. I'm just so pleased you asked. You have no idea how irresistible you smelled even before."

"What?" He knows he smells weak. Adam teasing him like that hurts more than he cares to admit. 

Adam shifts a little to look him in the eyes. "You're pleasing to us."

"What?" He tries to get away from Adam, but somehow he's managed to capture his wrist. "Let go." He twists his arm to free it, but Adam won't release him. 

"You don't know that?" Adam's eyes are narrow, thoughtful. "You don't know anything."

"I know enough. I know how people react to me." 

"And how do they react?"

"They want to crush me, hurt me, burn me, kill me, destroy me... make me beg."

"They want to own you," Adam says quietly. "You're made to tease our senses. You're alluring, and wolves hate to feel out of control. They hurt you and hunt you because they don't know what to make of you. You don't smell weak. You smell different every day. And you can make Alphas feel weak."

What the fucking fuck? He doesn't want to hear this. He doesn't want to have this conversation with Adam. "I'm not alluring. I'm repulsive. I make myself sick." He can't keep in all the disgust he feels, but he tries to push it back as quickly as it came out. 

Adam saw it, though. "You're making your decisions based on lies and half-truths. I could show you so much."

"Let. Me. Go." He's grinding his teeth together, trying to hold the anger in. 

Adam pulls his hand between them, looks at Tommy in the eyes, and lets go. "I want you to do something," Adam says, and Tommy raises an eyebrow. "I want you to seek physical comfort from people around you. Test it. Test the charm."

"Fuck you." He doesn't even know where this anger comes from. He wants to hurt Adam. 

"You'll be loved, and it's not fake at all. You're just easy to approach. Humans can sense it, too. Just try it. I know one person like you. She learned to harness the power she has."

That makes him snap. "I'm not controlling the wolf," he warns Adam. "I'm about to draw my claws at you. Don't." 

"I want you to."

"I want to rip your throat out. Fuck. I can't even... I can't feel anything but rage."

Adam puts a gentle hand on his shoulder, pulls him closer, and whispers in his ear, "Let go. Move from under it and your wolf will fall. Do it."

He blinks, the white rage blinding him. The wolf is on the surface, his claws out. He sinks them into Adam's back, screaming, howling, Adam's shirt ripping. "Now. Shift. If you want to push it back."

He finds something inside him, some kind of a space that lets him look at himself from the outside view point. He takes a calming breath, and turns his back on the animal, letting it fall, sink through the floor of his conscious mind. 

When he comes around he's hugging Adam, his hands bloody and his eyes wet. 

"It's deeper inside you now. It can't rise without your permission. That won't stop the full moon, though." Adam is hugging him back, holding him like he's something valuable. 

"I hurt you." He can't believe he did that. Robert would crush bones and tear skin. Adam laughs. 

"You got what you wanted. It's okay." Adam pulls back, stroking his hair and shoulders and arms. "I'm sorry."

Tommy doesn't understand at all. He gets an apology, even though he's the one who messed up. "I don't want to... I can't... You don't know..." He has no words. 

"I didn't mean to push you, but it was kind of good that I did. This is the easiest way to make the wolf surrender. You'll have a horrible headache tomorrow, but otherwise it's all good now."

"Is it?"

"It's better, isn't it? Do you feel lighter?"

The water around him is cold, and all the soap is gone. He shivers. "Yeah..." 

"Come here." Adam pulls him up, and wraps a towel around him. He helps Tommy out of the tub, careful and gentle, almost protective. "It's okay."

Nothing's really okay. He feels disoriented. "I can't sense much."

"You'll get used to it," Adam says, then washes Tommy's hands under the sink, the water turning pale red quickly. They go to his room, and Adam helps him under the covers. 

Tommy closes his eyes because he doesn't want to face Adam. "What about your back?" he asks because he has to. He hurt Adam. Of all people he hurt Adam. 

"I'll let Roxy look at it. She's coming over. Sleep now. Tomorrow will be worse, but after that you'll be fine."

He wants to ask again why Adam is doing this, but it's pointless. He won't understand; he can't. He curls on his side, showing Adam that he wants to be left alone. 

"I'm sorry," he whispers after Adam is gone.


	5. Chapter 5

Adam was right when he said he'd feel bad the day after. He throws up four times, and he can't even get out of the bed. Roxy brought him a bucket the first time he vomited all over the white carpet. 

After endless hours of suffering, he finally starts feeling normal again, and Roxy helps him to the shower. She sits on the toilet bowl, and chats about meaningless things while he tries to stay upright under the steady flow of water. 

He has no idea who Roxy is, but he's too exhausted to ask. He knows she's Adam's friend and a werewolf, but that's about it. The fact that she sees him naked should probably make him a bit more embarrassed. Instead he lets her dry him with a huge blue towel and put his boxers on, and then he leans on her when it's time to go back to bed. He's getting good at this whole leaning-on-other-people thing. 

She stays there with him for a while, and he wonders what Adam has been saying to his people. He has no idea what's been going on with Adam's pack, or how many people even belong to it. He doesn't know who his brothers and sisters are now. 

"Can you tell me something about Adam?" He's not sure if he's allowed to ask such questions, but Adam said that he can always speak his mind.

Roxy looks at him with curious eyes, sitting cross-legged in the red armchair, elbows resting on her knees, chin in her hands. She looks like a punk rocker, but there's something awfully sweet about her. "What do you wanna know? You can ask him anything, you know."

"I know." He sits up, and leans against the pillows, not caring that the blanket pools around his waist. She's seen him naked. What does some extra skin matter? "Just tell me something only you can see, something he couldn't tell me. Please."

She gives him a wicked smile. "And I thought all bassists are stupid." 

When he just looks at her she says quickly, "Kidding, kidding. I've dated a few... Anyway, what kind of dirty secrets would you like to know?"

"Would you tell me any?" He doesn't understand how this pack works. Their rules are completely different from the one he belonged to before. 

"Honey, I'd tell you anything. You're so adorable."

He blushes deep red, feeling exposed all of a sudden, but he tries desperately to hide how much one little compliment shakes him. 

"Adam marked you. You're one of us. He's a good leader, and he always thinks about the pack first. If you're with him you're with us. So shoot. Ask me anything."

"Is the marking similar to everyone?" He doesn't know why he asks this first. It's not as much about Adam as it is about him. But he's curious. 

She leans forward, tongue between her teeth, and then says, "Oooh... Do tell. I can't know if you don't tell me first how it was for you."

He bites his lower lip, holding the smile back. He loses the battle against it. "I'm guessing it isn't then."

She nods, her grin getting wider. "And some of his pack members were born to it like he was. They choose to give their loyalty to someone. It's different. Not so feral. 

Tommy drops her gaze, but he can feel her eyes on him, searching. "Why isn't he more Alpha-like?"

Roxy giggles, and Tommy glances at her, surprised. "Oh my god..." She can't stop laughing. "Sorry. Sorry. I know, he's a silly little thing with a mountain-sized heart, but god... He doesn't have to. You haven't seen him in his full power." She leans over her crossed legs and touches the floor with her hands, still giggling. "He prefers a light hierarchy; there's no pecking order in our pack, never was and never will be." She turns to look at him from her weird position and says, "But nobody dares to question his leadership. He's the one in charge. And every last one of us would follow him to the edge of the world." 

He bites the side of his thumb, watching her. 

"He doesn't have to be. That's why."

Tommy swallows, gathering courage to ask the next question. "Do you know the person who's like me?"

"Like you?"

"Cursed."

She studies him for a moment, sitting up again. "If you mean Sasha, yeah, I know her. She has her own pack now. She's an awesome woman."

 _Own pack?_ His head is spinning. 

"Adam told me you have some kind of a weird idea about the way you smell to us. And no, he didn't tell me much, just the reason why his back was all bloody and torn."

Fear and self-loath grip his throat, but he keeps his expressions under control. He knows Roxy can smell his reactions, though. 

"The signals you send are mixed," she says quietly. "But it's easier to deal with it now that your wolf is not on the surface. Adam instructed us to ignore our instincts with you, but it's like leaving a kid to a candy store for hours and asking her not to touch anything..." She bites her lower lip. "Sorry, I'm babbling. But Sasha... she learned to twist it to her own advantage. Something that hurt her is now something she uses. Adam will probably introduce you two soon."

He's listening, but something wants to crawl out of him, and he can't stop it. He looks straight ahead, then says, "They put me in a cage every time I turned to a wolf. I gnawed at my own skin, fingers, feet, fur... I don't remember anything about being a wolf. I've only met people who want to hurt me, hurt the wolf. What does Adam want from me?"

"The same he wants from the rest of us. He wants you to grow, live, see, smell, breathe, be, explore, enjoy... And he wants your loyalty." Roxy gets up and sits on the edge of the bed, taking his hand in her own. "He'll love you. He's like that. Let him."

His mind goes blank. He doesn't feel anything; there might as well be a continent between them. "Why are you here?" His voice is cold.

Roxy lets go of his hand, but doesn't move away otherwise. "He asked me to stay because he couldn't. He knew you'd be sick."

"You can go now. I feel better. Thank you." 

She has pity in her eyes, and he wants to burn that look off her face. "I'm sorry if I said something bad," Roxy says, regret in her voice. She's genuine. She's sorry. He feels like a fucking jerk. 

"It's not you," he lies because it's time to bring up that old facade to make things better. "I'm just really tired, and I'm not used to people who're not trying to break me." Apparently he can't act nicely at the moment. She should leave. 

To his utter horror, she leans close and hugs him awkwardly. "I'm sorry about everything that's happened to you. We're not all like that. We're not."

Fucking tears. Fucking trembling body. Fucking life. 

She pulls back without looking at him, stands up slowly, and walks away. There's something small and defeated about her, and it's such a wrong look on her that his heart aches. He's constantly hurting people now, people who are trying to be good to him. He blinks, grinding his teeth together. It's not working. He needs to do something. He doesn't want to become a monster.

That night Adam comes to his room even though he doesn't have the bandages any more. His heart starts to beat like crazy, fear taking control of his body. He hurt one of Adam's own. 

"How are you?" Adam asks, standing by the bed, looking at Tommy. He's not smiling. 

"Surviving," he says because it's the most honest answer he has. 

Adam crosses his arms, staring out the window. "Do you feel safe here?" he asks after a while. 

"Relatively, yeah, why?"

"You haven't done anything wrong. Please don't fear me."

He can't stop it. He knows he was a jerk. He knows he hurt Roxy. "Did Roxy tell you what happened?"

Adam turns to look at him, stern but not cold or judgmental. "She didn't. We have secrets. We don't share everything. But I could see she was upset. What happened?"

"I was rude to her." 

"Did you apologize?"

"No. But I want to." He feels so stupid, like a child. He wants to sink through the floor.

"Do you feel like you need to tell me this? Isn't it between you and her?"

All of a sudden everything he's feeling disappears. He realizes he didn't feel any of it because of Adam. Adam has stood like that beside his bed almost every night, talking, thinking, asking questions. Adam didn't bring the fear with him. "It's between me and her?" He tastes the words, and he can't breathe, can't be. He wants to laugh because he doesn't know what else to do with his stupid body. He's so messed up with the head. 

"You're doing fine," Adam says, sitting on the bed. "I'm glad you're here." 

"I think I'm a little crazy." He tries laughing, and it sounds horrible. He stops, but then looks at Adam, and he's laughing again. "Seriously, they hurt my head."

Adam takes hold of his shoulders and pulls him into a hug. He wraps his arms around Adam immediately. "Don't worry." And there it is again: Adam's nose close to his neck, smelling him. "Wolf gone, and you still smell beautiful. Can I stay here for a while, please?"

He hears the exhaustion in Adam's voice, and he wonders how his day has been. "If you want to," he says. 

"God, I want to." Adam curls next to him, his arm resting over Tommy's stomach, his face buried in Tommy's neck. Otherwise they're not touching much. "Let me sleep here a bit. I'm so tired... so god damn tired."

Tommy's mind is running in circles. He has no idea what to think of this, but he lets it happen anyway. After a while he starts to relax, and Adam lets out a satisfied sound. It makes him smile, then blush, and finally he just ignores all other feelings except the need to fall asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

"Wake up. I wanna show you something." Adam is whispering even though he's trying to pull Tommy back to the land of functioning human beings. Tommy can feel the warmth radiating from him, but Adam is not touching him. "Wake up."

He's lying on his back, hands above his head, the blanket gone, his morning wood visible through his boxers, he's sure. It makes him laugh. There are no boundaries in this relationship. 

Adam lets out a soft, excited sound. "Get up, get up, please."

Tommy opens his eyes, staring straight at Adam who's hovering over him. "What? I'm sleeping."

Adam places his left hand close to Tommy's side, and leans in. "Not any more."

Well, duh. 

"Come with me." Adam takes his hand, and pulls him up and away from the bed. "Come."

This better be good. It's so early nothing at all is awake yet. 

He lets Adam pull him all the way to the balcony of the master bedroom, and then he puts the breaks on. He's not going to stand anywhere near the railing. 

"I don't like heights," he says at the stretched hands between them. "I can't stand high places."

Adam moves closer, and then to the side, not letting go of Tommy's hand. "It's okay. This is good. Just look."

He looks at Adam first, but he's staring at the sky. He follows his gaze, and the view takes his breath away. He's seen sunrises before, but this one is beyond imagination. The whole world is orange and black, and the sky is covered with soft blankets of cloud. He's never seen anything like it. A dream world. A fantasy. It can't be real. "Wow."

"I know. I went to get water, and saw this. I had to come and get you. Do you see what I see?"

Tommy tilts his head to the side, trying to imagine how it all looks to Adam. He's pretty sure they see the same thing. "Alice in Wonderland meets Edward Scissorhands?"

"Horror morning glory." Adam laughs low in his throat.

Yeah, he sees it. 

They stand there for a long time, watching the sun rise. The world turns pale yellow, and at some point, Tommy starts to shiver. His body is still trying to recover from all the abuse its been through. He feels cold. "Thanks for waking me up," he says, taking a step back, escaping to the warmth of Adam's bedroom. Adam releases his hand, and it hits him that they've been holding hands the whole time. It's a little awkward. 

"Do you want to have sex with me?" he blurts out, and then it's definitely awkward. "I mean..." God, what does he even mean? "Do you expect that?"

He's never seen Adam look so confused. Then after a short moment, he closes the balcony door and leans against it. Adam is fully clothed, and Tommy is almost naked. He feels terribly small next to him. Stupid, stupid mouth. 

"Did they expect that?"

What Adam is implying makes him blush. He shakes his head. 

Adam relaxes visibly. "No, I don't expect it. I wouldn't do anything with you right now even if you wanted to. And I don't think you'd want to do anything with me anyway. Clear?"

He does notice how Adam doesn't answer his first question, but he doesn't want to go there right now. He's glad Adam makes it this easy, like it's a normal topic of conversation. "Yeah. And I don't mind closeness. I don't... I just can't always take it. You can touch me if you like. I'll let you know if it's too much."

Adam's smile is brilliant. "You're something else," he says softly, pulling Tommy into a hug. It's so different from everything Robert has said or done to him. He's curious about it, curious about how it's even possible that there are two so different Alphas. 

"I asked Roxy why you don't act more like an Alpha," he confesses to Adam's shirt. "You confuse me."

"How should an Alpha act?" Adam asks, his low voice rumbling against Tommy's chest. "Would you like me to boss you around: Wash my clothes? Clean my toilet? Dress in these clothes? Be this person?" Adam sounds like he's joking, but a part of him is genuinely asking if Tommy would want that. 

"You don't even use your prowess on me."

"I did the first time we met. You know that. You were an Omega of another pack then. A runaway." Adam's hands travel up his spine to his shoulders, his elbows squeezing Tommy's body. "You're mine now. I don't need you to submit."

Maybe he wants to, or maybe he's so conditioned he can't even choose. The wolf is gone, and he still doesn't feel like a person. "I feel blind without my senses," he says after a while. "I don't like it."

"Let yourself get used to it," Adam says softly. "You lost control of the wolf. That shouldn't happen, not even among your own. It's dangerous to you and everyone around you. That was what I looked for when I looked into you, and you hadn't lost control before, not under any circumstances."

He's been so wrapped up in his own misery that he hasn't even realized that what he did is another betrayal. Adam took him in because he knew he could control the wolf. It has never surfaced like that. "I'm sorry." 

"To be honest, I'm surprised you had any control over the wolf. It's a separate entity inside you, not connected to your soul. You shouldn't be able to hold it back at all, especially since it wants to protect you." Adam strokes his hair, fingers lingering. "You did good. It was good that you wanted to make it yield, even if your reasons are not to my liking. Let yourself heal first, and then see if you want anything to do with the wolf."

Right now, he doesn't, even if he misses the ability to sense what people feel. He wants to be free of the constant weight of the wolf. "I'm sorry I hurt you."

"It's okay," Adam says, kissing the side of his head. "Can you tell me why you lost control? Do you know?" 

He does. And it's so fucking stupid. "I felt safe." 

"Safe?"

"Like I could finally let go..."

Adam's hold tightens, but he doesn't say anything. 

"I've been acting, yielding, holding back for so long. With you I can't act, don't want to. Don't want to at all."

"You've bottled up rage?"

Tommy shakes his head, face still buried in Adam's shirt. "No. I haven't felt it." Survival. Submission. "Only fear."

"You kept yourself alive by not feeling?"

"Wolves scent things. Couldn't." He's had nobody to share this with, but even now, he's not sure if he wants to. 

"I want to kill him," Adam says. 

"I just want to forget him and his rules. I want to be myself again." He just doesn't know who he is. 

Adam cups Tommy's face in his hands, pushing him back enough to look into his eyes. Tommy holds on to his shirt because he doesn't want to let go. There should be words between them, but Adam just holds him, with his hands, with his eyes, with his mind. 

"Thank you for taking me in." He has to say something to break the moment. 

Adam kisses his forehead, and the gesture still makes him relieved. "I wasn't lying when I said I'm glad you're here." He wraps his arms around Tommy again, hand at the nape of Tommy's neck, holding him close. "Just tell me... Are you sure you can handle being in the band? It's going to be crazy once this starts. Music videos, shows, promotion, fans... All of it is not going to be good. Can you take it?"

He has no idea how it will affect his life. He hasn't yet contacted his friends or family. He doesn't have his own place yet. Nothing's settled. But there's one thing he knows: being close to Adam makes him stronger. If he's there Tommy can do it. No question about it. "Yes."

"Then you need to think about how much you want share of yourself with the public. Do you want to take part in the social media? Do you want to do any interviews?"

He laughs. "I haven't thought about it at all. I just want to talk to my parents and friends. I want my own place. I want to... I don't know. Can I just wing it?"

Adam pushes him to an arm's length. "You can do whatever you want. But be ready to face criticism and bullshit. Not everyone is going to like you, especially werewolves. You make people feel strongly, and not everyone likes that. They will attack you." 

"It has to be pretty damn horrible if it's worse than what I've already been through." He holds Adam's gaze. "I can take it."

"I'll try to keep you as safe as possible, but I can't control the masses."

This is good. He feels like he has some power in his hands. "I'll take care of myself."

Adam's smile is such a reward he beams. It's silly, but he can't help it. "You have no idea how good it is to hear that," Adam says. "Please do."

October is almost over, and the American Music Awards rehearsals are approaching. The rest of the band has been playing a lot together, practicing like crazy, Adam demanding the impossible from his people because he wants everything to be perfect. Adam still hasn't been able to master the song, though, and he's visibly nervous about the whole thing. Tommy has taken part in the last two practice sessions, but otherwise he tries to stay out of Adam's way because Adam needs time to concentrate. 

He hears from Monte that Adam broke up with his boyfriend. He doesn't know what to say or do so he stays in his room and teaches himself all the songs on Adam's album. He wants to be able to play any of them at any given moment if Adam asks. He's not going to be a weight holding Adam down.

Tommy also gathers courage to call his mom. They haven't talked for over a month, not even on his birthday. He just didn't call. Too much has been happening. 

He sits in the red armchair, holding the iPhone Adam gave him. There's so much he needs to pay back Adam once he's able to stand on his own two feet again. He finds his mom's contact info, and clicks her number. 

She answers after three rings. "Tommy? Oh my god, I've been so worried. Why haven't you called?" 

He covers his eyes with his hand. "I'm fine. I've been so busy, mom. I'm back. Back in the States. Just moved back." 

"When are you coming over? When did you arrive? We could have come pick you up from the airport." She pauses for a moment. "I have a present for you."

Of course she has. She never forgets his birthday. "It's been crazy. I got back just before my birthday and went to an audition. I'm in a band again." 

"Oh, that's such good news. But you've been home for what? Two weeks? We've missed you. I miss you. Please come over."

"Mom... I love you." He bites his cheeks, swallowing. "This weekend, is that okay?"

She laughs, and the sound hurts him like knives. "Please. We'll have a family dinner. Oh Tommy..."

His throat feels tight, and he's barely breathing at all. "I gotta go. See you on Saturday. Is four good?"

"Perfect. And then you can tell us all about Australia and your new band." He can't remember her ever sounding so happy. 

"Yeah. Bye, mom." 

When the call is over he buries his face in his hands, shaking. He needs to google Australia. That makes him giggle a little hysterically. 

There's a knock on the door, and Adam comes in after he's okayed it. He still finds it weird that Adam gives him his privacy. 

"The FYE video shoot is finally confirmed. It's on the thirteenth." Adam sits on the bed opposite him. "Is something wrong?"

"I have to figure out what I did in Australia for two years." 

"So you finally called her?" 

Tommy nods. "I hate to lie, but I can't tell her the truth." 

"Lie as little as possible. Tell her that it was tough, and you'd rather talk about fun things, like your new job." Adam smiles, holding out his hand. 

Tommy puts his hand on top of Adam's. "I don't want her to see me like this. I've always been a little weird, but now I'm just... I don't know... How do I look?"

Adam stares at him, blue eyes intense but kind. "You look sad, nervous, agitated, but you're not crushed. Your spirit is still right there. She'll see that you've been through a lot, but you don't have to hide that."

"I wish I could tell her." He knows it's completely selfish, but he can't help wishing that he could have the protection of his mother's love on his side as well. Unconditional compassion. He needs to be stronger than this, though.

"You'll do fine, Tommy." Adam squeezes his hand, and then lets go. "We need to talk about something else, though. The full moon."

Tommy jerks back, his eyes huge and staring straight through Adam. Fuck, how did he forget? "When?"

"On the second of November."

He doesn't know what to do with his hands so he puts them in his armpits. "Are you going to cage me?"

"What?" The sound of Adam's voice makes him jump. 

"Do you have a cellar where I could be locked up? I don't... The wolf doesn't like small spaces." 

Adam moves so fast he only has a second to prepare for the attack by steeling himself and closing his eyes. But instead of pain he feels Adam at his feet, hugging his middle. "What did they do to you?" Adam whispers. "Oh my god... I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

Tommy just stares at him, then puts his hands in Adam's hair, stroking him gently. He's too shocked to think so he just lets everything be. 

"We go to the canyons, baby," Adam says, his face next to Tommy's stomach, his eyes closed. "We enjoy the freedom the moon brings, the way it opens our senses and lets us be who we are. We run free."

He can't even imagine it. All that comes to his mind are the horror movies he's seen, and the way it felt to wake up bloody and in pain. 

"All I wanted to talk about is if you'd like to take wolfsbane to make the transformation easier. It will make you feel mellow and a bit nauseous."

"Oh..."

"I just want you to see how it can be. I want you with us."

"I'm not conscious when the wolf is out. I might hurt someone." He can't stand the idea of someone else's blood on his hands. As if Adam's wasn't enough already. 

Adam rubs his face to Tommy's stomach, his T-shirt riding up. It tickles, and he squirms a little, but doesn't try to get away. Adam likes his bare skin; he knows that. "You won't hurt anyone with us. You might even remember parts of it." Adam breathes in, licking Tommy's navel, and it feels like he's not thinking of what he's doing. Tommy doesn't mind, but it's not something he's comfortable with. He leans back in the chair, and Adam follows, moving closer still. "We'll take care of you," Adam whispers. "I promise." He stops licking, and looks up, eyelids heavy, his hands on either side of Tommy's hips. "You'll be fine."

He stares at Adam, his hands around Adam's neck. "I'll take the potion," he says, voice barely there. 

Adam gives him a lazy smile. "I'll ask Monte to make it." Then he pats Tommy's arm, asking him silently to let go, and he does, watching Adam as he gets up and walks to the door. Adam turns to look at him once more, saying, "I've been listening to you play. I love how you sound." Then he's gone. 

Tommy lets out a long breath, crossing his fingers in his lap. Everything is so weird. He has no idea what to think of his life now.


	7. Chapter 7

  
_Living at different places  
Evading into various spaces  
My compass has broken  
I'm losing the way  
An ongoing madness has led me astray_

_My past breathes down my neck  
And it seems now that all I can do is  
Go back to beginnings when all lay ahead  
A fading illusion now plagues me instead_

_In me there's still a place that fulfils me  
A sanctity here that I call home, I run to  
When winter descends  
If I try, can I find solid ground_

_I follow elusive paths  
Oh, it seems they've been written in stone  
And the door to a new life is closing so fast  
Burning the bridges will not bring me back_

_I know that in me there's still a place that fulfils me  
A sanctity here that I call home, I run to  
When winter descends  
If I try, can I find solid ground  
Or am I just wasting time?_

Solitary Ground by Epica

The meeting with his family, Halloween, the full moon, everything happens so fast that he can barely hold it together. 

His mother hugs him for half an hour, and then hugs him some more because she can. He gets a nice leather jacket from her, wrapped in green paper, and they eat salmon and mashed potatoes, the whole family gathered around the same table again. 

He laughs with them, and he tells stories, lying as little as possible, finding every good thing he can think of about the past two years and twisting them to suit his lie. There are so few good things he gets desperate, but his sister saves him every time the conversation turns forced. He loves her for it. 

When it's time to leave his mother whispers in his ear, "Adam seems like a good kid. I'm happy you're with him."

She's always been supportive of his dream, one of the only ones who've never lost their faith in him. 

He leaves with his sister because she drives him to Adam's place. They don't talk much, but it doesn't matter. It's comfortable in a way it never is with people who are not family. 

Lisa waves goodbye when she drives off, and he waves back, looking at the car as long as he can see it. When she's gone his legs give in, and he sits down on the sidewalk, a little awkward and a little sad. It was better than he thought it would be, but it was still bad. He's missed them so much. 

"Are you coming in?" Adam stands behind him, casting a shadow over him. The sun is already setting. 

He tilts his head back, looking up. "I can see inside your nose." 

Adam huffs. "You've seen all my ugly angles."

There's nothing ugly about Adam, just beautiful imperfections. "I like all your angles." 

Adam holds his hand out, and he takes it, lets Adam pull him to his feet. They walk to the house in silence, and it's nice. Peaceful.

Adam has to go to a Halloween party so his friend Sutan comes to help him with the costume and make up. He's not surprised that Adam comes out of the bathroom morphed as a vampire. 

"Isn't that a little too wicked?" Tommy asks. He finds it hilarious that a werewolf goes to a party as a vampire. "You're tempting fate, you know."

Adam just laughs, and then pretends to bite Sutan. Nobody will know that his teeth are actually real. 

When they are gone Tommy sits on the living room sofa, listening to the quiet house. It's cool. He watches The Big Bang Theory to the wee hours of the night, laughing his ass off. He's not waiting for Adam to come back because that would be stupid. He just is a night person most of the time. 

Adam is drunk when he gets home, making so much ruckus at the hall that Tommy goes to see what's going on. Adam is lying in the closet, shoes all around him. "Fuck. Where'd the door go?" he slurs, trying to get up but failing spectacularly. His make up is running, too. "Oh Tommy... Help me up. Help." He giggles. "I'm in a pinch."

"I can see that." He crouches next to Adam, grinning. "How'd you get home?"

"Rental cars. Magical devices. But they don't help you out of your closet." Adam looks pensive. "There's a business idea." 

"Closet helpers?" 

"Yes. I'd be rich."

"You're already rich," Tommy says, poking at Adam's right foot. 

"I'd be richer-er." Adam gives him a smile. Tommy thinks he might be trying to look sexy. "Help me out. I'll make you rich too."

Tommy makes sure his footing is steady, then hauls Adam out of the closet. Adam sways on his feet, leaning his forehead on Tommy's shoulder. "Take me to bed. I'm tired."

"You need to clean your face first." He feels like he's channeling his mom. It's kind of mortifying. 

"What? No, no, no, no... bed. They make me talk to people all the time. Ugh! T-I-R-E-D. Bed."

"Who's they?" he asks as he starts half-carrying Adam up the stairs. He's strong even if he looks like a peastick. 

"Management." Adam laughs. "I'm being managed because I need managing. Alpha-management, good for them." 

Adam makes no sense to him, but they are almost at the bathroom door so it doesn't matter. A few more steps. 

"I so need a vacation," Adam mutters, nosing Tommy's neck again. 

It's a little distracting, and they almost fall down the stairs because Tommy loses his footing. Damn it. "Stop squirming, or we'll die young."

"Have I told you that you make me want to lose myself into you." Adam hiccups, then licks his neck, bites it even. "You are beauty personified."

He might panic just about now. Instead he grabs the door handle, pulls the door open, and sits Adam on the toilet bowl. "Sit."

"Woof." 

Tommy is actually panicking a little, and he drops five different hair products to the sink while looking for the make up remover. 

"Oh..." Adam says. "Didn't mean sex. Sorry. The idea... souls mixing... that kind of losing."

Like that makes it any better. "Please don't talk."

Adam pouts, but stays quiet, and Tommy starts to clean his face. "How was the party?" he asks to lighten the mood. 

Adam zips his mouth and throws away the key. 

Tommy laughs. "Alright, be that way."

He gets Adam to brush his teeth, too, and then he only needs to use the toilet. Before Tommy leaves the room he tells Adam to sit down to pee because Adam's cleaning lady probably wouldn't appreciate the kind of mess he could make right now. 

When Adam comes out he's taken off his jacket, and it's lying on the bathroom floor. He's left his belt and pants open, too. 

"Come on, princess," Tommy says, taking his hand. "Bed's calling."

Adam follows him easily, and then lets Tommy pull his shirt and pants off. He tucks Adam in, and Adam's already asleep before his head hits the pillow. Tommy looks at Adam for a while, wondering what's going on between them. 

He found Adam. He went to him for help. He put his faith in Adam. But he can't control any of it. 

That night he can't sleep. He really needs to find a place of his own. Playing home with Adam is not good for either of them.

The full moon happens on Monday. He gets herded to one of the minibuses with the rest of Adam's pack, and Sisi gives everyone tracking collars. It's loose around his neck, but it still makes him feel a bit weird. He has never had a collar around his neck, ever. 

Adam gives a pep talk to everyone, and then falls to the seat next to Tommy. "Excited?" he asks, leaning his head back, clearly happier than in days. 

He's nervous if anything. The wolfsbane has no effect on him, or at least that's how it feels. "Terrified," he says, and maybe that's actually closer to the truth. 

Adam looks at him for a while, then ruffles his hair. "It's gonna be good. We'll be there."

They go as deep to the wilderness as they can, and then hike even further. Sisi checks all their tracking collars, makes sure that they work, and then leaves them to get ready. 

Everyone is jittery, moving about restlessly, and it's catching. Tommy knows only Monte, Jeff, Roxy, Sutan, and Adam, but everyone, fucking everyone comes to hug him before the moon rises. He's a part of it now, a part of this pack. 

Adam comes to him when it's almost time. "We always return here if we get lost, and the collars make sure that we'll find everyone." Adam pats his back. "Get undressed. It starts soon."

His heart is hammering in his chest, every fiber of his being screaming for release, for freedom. He feels the need to howl already, and the wolf is there, right beneath the surface, hungry. He's never felt it like this. 

"It's going to be fine," Adam says to him, not at all ashamed to be standing there naked in front of all these people. Tommy tries not to think of it, but he's still self-conscious about his body. 

"I think I'm going to throw up." He gives Adam a weak smile. 

Adam touches the side of his face, leans close, and whispers, "Let yourself enjoy this. Try."

And then it hits him, the excruciating pain that rips his skin, pushes fur out from under it. He falls on his knees, screaming in agony. The night is full of similar noises, and he looks ahead, looks into Adam's yellow eyes and he sees him nod. He can't think, his mind giving in, falling to the background, and he lets it happen, lets the wolf rise. 

For a few seconds he can still see and feel things, and he realizes the wolf wants blood and revenge. It finds the scent of an Alpha, and there's absolutely nothing Tommy can do to stop it. He sinks deep to the feral mind of the animal.

 _Teeth on his throat._

He stays still, his heart skipping beats, his breaths as shallow as possible. He's lying on his back, and there's a huge black wolf pinning him to the ground. 

Time slows down. 

The wolf moves its jaws, bites deeper, calling attention to the fact that it has all the power. Tommy surrenders with his whole being, making small sounds in his throat to show that he's giving in. 

Only then does Adam turn to his human form, still biting Tommy, still holding him down. 

He wants to ask if Adam is alright, if he's hurt, if Tommy's wolf did something irreversible. He doesn't dare to speak. He can feel how angry and exhausted Adam is, can feel his hands shaking where they're holding his wrists. 

Adam releases his throat, licks the teeth marks there, and Tommy gasps, panic-stricken. It doesn't end there. Instead of saying something, instead of looking at Tommy, Adam licks him, his face, his neck, his ear, long licks across his skin like he's making sure Tommy knows who he belongs to. 

He lets it happen because he doesn't know what else to do. His wolf challenged Adam. He doesn't know if they've fought all night, or if Adam has held him down the whole time. He doesn't know, and he can't apologize. 

When Adam is done licking him he lifts his gaze to Tommy's face. There's mostly wolf behind those eyes. They are naked, and Adam is very close to him, straddling his thighs. Adam leans even closer. "Are you challenging me?" 

No. No, fucking no. He has no voice so he shakes his head. 

"Are we done for now," Adam asks, sounding a little more human. 

Still no voice. He nods, biting his lip. 

"You didn't hurt anyone else." Adam leans his head down, resting it against Tommy's chest. He laughs but there's no joy behind it. "I'm exhausted," he murmurs, and lets his weight fall. Tommy's mind freezes. "Your wolf tried to kill me, not just fight me... It's hurt."

Adam falls asleep there, just like that, trusting Tommy even though his wolf is dangerous, a wild damaged beast.

He tries to get comfortable, but there's a rock under his back, and Adam really is heavy. He can breathe, but just barely. He moves his legs as much as he can, and then frees his wrists from Adam's hold. That's a mistake because Adam moves his hands into Tommy's hair, and pulls his head back, exposing his throat. Adam nibbles at his skin in his sleep, and it's just too much. He groans, pushing at Adam's shoulders to get him off him. "Move, please. You're heavy."

"Oh god, you're alright." That's Jeff, and standing behind him are Monte and Roxy, too. 

He feels the burn of the blush creeping up his chest. Butt-naked, pinned to the ground by his boss after attacking him... He can't even imagine what these people want to do to him. 

Roxy kneels beside them, and strokes Tommy's hair off his forehead. "We didn't know. We should have thought of it, but he knew you trusted him. He thought the wolf did, too." She turns to look at Monte and Jeff. "Take Adam to the buses, please." 

Monte wraps Adam in a blanket, hauls him up, and starts carrying him away. Jeff follows him. 

Roxy gives Tommy his clothes, and he quickly puts them on, embarrassed and worried. 

"Everyone is not going to understand," Roxy says. "It depends on how Adam will act, but he's out cold now. I'll get you to his house. Come." 

They walk a few miles in silence, Tommy following Roxy, too stunned to think. He wants to run away, escape, leave everything behind. That's all he has inside him now. 

The car is small and pink, and it's painted full of odd shapes. Tommy would ask about it if he cared enough, but he can't. His future is open. Right now, he'd let Adam kill him. He wouldn't fight back. 

He never fights back. 

_Your wolf tried to kill me..._

Tommy stares out the window the whole time to downtown LA. When they reach Adam's house Roxy takes him to his room, and then hugs him gently. "You didn't know," she says. "Don't blame yourself."

He nods, but it means nothing. Of course he blames himself. He should have demanded Adam to lock him up. 

After Roxy is gone he sinks into the armchair and stays there, waiting. They bring Adam home after some time, and Monte comes to inform him that they will leave Adam there because it was Adam's request. Adam also asked to be left alone with Tommy. The pack is not happy about it. Monte is not one of those who resent the idea, though. 

He doesn't want to stand between Adam and his pack. He doesn't want to be a burden. 

When the night falls he goes to the kitchen to get something to eat. He makes six slices of bread with different kinds of toppings, boils some water for tea, and goes to Adam's room. 

He knocks on the door, but there's no answer. He opens the door carefully, peeking in. Adam is lying on his side, sleeping, and still naked, the blanket only covering parts of his body. 

Tommy walks slowly closer to the bed, watching Adam the whole time. 

"Yeah, I'm hungry," Adam says against his pillow, and Tommy jumps, almost spilling the tea. Adam adjusts the blanket, and sits up, staring at Tommy intently. "Come here." He pats the spot next to him, and Tommy stops in his tracks. "Shhhh... Don't. I should've thought of this. I was too wrapped up in the ideas of showing you what it could be like that I didn't even think that the wolf could hold a grudge against Alphas in general. I haven't earned its trust, and it's never had the chance to fight for its right to exist. _I_ should have thought of it, Tommy. Not you. Not anyone else."

Tommy sets the tray down on the bed, then circles the bed to Adam's side. He kneels beside the bed, bowing his head. "You can do anything to me," he says. "I succumb."

"You don't seem to understand this," Adam says, voice quiet and soft. "I have no quarrel with you, just with your wolf."

"I am the wolf." He knows it's a lie. 

Adam touches his chin, tilts his head up, and looks into his eyes. "Don't lie to me." 

"Can I do something? Can I fix it?" He desperately needs to make it better. 

"Be good to yourself. If the wolf feels safe, if it learns to trust you, maybe it won't be like this next time."

Tommy bites his teeth together. "Lock me up. Don't take me with you. I can't... Don't do it again."

Adam takes hold of Tommy's elbows, and lifts him up on the bed. It's weird and awkward and all kinds of uncomfortable, but Adam won't have it. He pulls Tommy into a hug, wraps even his legs around him. "I wasn't prepared to fight, but I can fight you as many times as it takes. I know now. It's okay."

"I'm nothing but trouble. Why do you care?" He feels lethargic, and just leans his head against Adam's shoulder. Always so much touching. He wants to give in. He feels like there's an endless pit of darkness inside him, and everything gentle, soft, painless, sweet, kind just falls in there. Deprivation. Hunger. Need. 

"Actually," Adam says, his chin on top of Tommy's head, "you're making everything a little easier for me. Just a little. And so much more interesting. And you're one of my own now. Don't question it, just figure out your own part. I'll be here." 

"Even after this?"

"Tommy, it's a little exciting, isn't it?"

"You're crazy."

"Think about it. I get to fight you. I haven't fought with anyone in a long while. I will make the wolf submit. And it's going to be interesting."

Tommy laughs. "You really truly are insane."

"I love things that are not simple. I love figuring out mysteries. I love learning new things. You keep me on my toes."

"What about the pack?" He worries about them. He doesn't even know most of them yet. 

Adam strokes Tommy's arms. "I'll introduce you properly to everyone, and I'll let them know that I take this as a challenge, not from you but from your wolf."

He doesn't understand how Adam can change something completely horrible into something interesting in a heartbeat. Now it's interesting to him, too, and he's a little disturbed by that. 

"Okay," he says, and pulls out of Adam's arms. "Eat. I'll go... I don't know... read or something."

Adam grins. "When are you planning to move out?" It seems like he knows Tommy has been thinking about it.

"Before the Awards maybe. Is that good?" He backs away from the bed, watching Adam the whole time. 

"Sounds good. Burbank still?"

"Yeah. I'll be careful."

"I know you will."


	8. Chapter 8

The shooting of For Your Entertainment music video makes him feel like a true rock star. It's such a weird, exhilarating experience. He's doing something he loves, and he's nobody's slave. 

Tommy tells Adam that he doesn't mind if Adam grabs him during the shooting, or whatever, so Adam does, sliding his hand over his ass and just letting Tommy lean on him. It's all so good he can't stop beaming. 

He comes to life now that he can finally play in front of people again.

Other than the video shoot and the taking of a few promotional pictures, he's had all the time in the world to fix his life. He's called all his old friends, and met a few of them, too. The funny thing is Mike and Dave need a roommate because the last one ditched them, and LA rents are sky high. They ask him if he'd like to move in with them to the extra room, and he feels like the universe is finally starting to like him a little. 

Some of his old friends seem a little weird, especially after they find out that he's now in Adam Lambert's band. Most of them are happy to hear about him, though, and with Mike everything just clicks the moment they see each other again. 

Mia makes him walk her dogs the first time they see each other after the long-ass break, and the dogs have no idea what to do with him. He smells weird to them, and their odd behavior gives him a laughing fit that makes Mia poke him in the nose with her ice cream. It's all good, and she's happy to have him back. 

Tommy tells Adam the night before the first AMAs rehearsal that he's moving out during the weekend. Adam smiles and nods, and then goes to the living room to read. 

He can't tell if Adam is upset or relieved or just indifferent about the change. They've been living together for almost a month. 

The days in between are busy - the band pictures spread to the insane world of the internet, Twitter sucks him into its vortex, and the AMAs rehearsals are a whirlwind of awesomeness - and soon, it's his last night at Adam's house.

When it's almost midnight Adam knocks on his door, leans against the door frame, and says, "This might sound like a really odd thing to ask... but would you like to sleep in my room?"

 _Really odd_ is the understatement of the year. 

Tommy is lying on his stomach on his bed, Adam's laptop in front of him because he's been watching Nosferatu. He sits up, his eyes on Adam. "Why?"

"Because we'll miss each other." 

He's not sure what to say, but before he can make things too complicated he closes the computer, gets up, and walks slowly towards Adam. 

In Adam's room, he starts to feel weird. He's been there before, but not like this. He doesn't even know what Adam expects of him. 

Adam takes his hand, and just holds it, looking into his eyes. The room is so quiet their breaths seem loud. 

"This isn't about sex. There's something I'd like to do, but please say no if you're not comfortable with the idea." Adam leans close, and whispers in his ear, "I want to own your scars. Will you let me?"

His breath catches, a sharp inhale breaking the silence. He has no idea what Adam means, but he's curious. "If you stop when I want you to."

Adam nods. "Of course." 

Everything seems to move in slow motion. Adam brushes his hands up Tommy's bare arms and then down over his chest to the hem of his T-shirt. He holds his hands still, watching Tommy, and Tommy gives him permission by lifting his hands up. Adam pulls the shirt over his head, folds it neatly, and puts it on the divan next to his bed. 

Tommy is still mostly curious, but he's also acutely aware how small he is compared to Adam. He wants to cross his arms against his chest, but he doesn't. He feels like this is something good, something that needs to be done. It doesn't mean he's not afraid. 

Adam moves behind him, then after a short moment, touches the scar on his back, lets his fingers follow the long line of it, like it's something precious, some kind of a treasure. "How did this happen?"

It shouldn't have happened. Werewolves don't scar easily. "He opened it every time it started to heal."

That earns him a sound that goes straight to his stomach. He's keeping his hands to his sides, but it's not easy. 

Adam doesn't stop caressing his abused skin, doesn't stop sliding his fingers over the old wound, down and up again, gentle like Tommy might break if he isn't as careful as possible. 

He might. He's shaking now. "Why did... Why did he do this to me?" 

"So you wouldn't leave," Adam says next to his neck. "If he managed to break your spirit you would stay forever. Why did you leave?"

The hand on his back moves in circles, soft and warm, cherishing. He leans his head back on Adam's shoulder. "He started choking me." It's such a stupid reason. Why didn't he try to escape earlier? Why didn't he run away? Why didn't he fight? There were ten of them, but he still got out. He could have gotten out sooner. "I knew I'd die." 

Adam puts his hand on his throat, but doesn't choke him. "Is this okay?"

He nods, his heart beating fast, blood rushing in his ears. "It wasn't all bad," he whispers. "That's why... It didn't feel like abuse. I didn't understand that it was so bad because it was good, too, because it was just about things I did wrong, or things I couldn't change... It was frustration, not hatred. He didn't hate me, and because he didn't hate I couldn't read him right... I should've left earlier. I should've tried something. Anything."

Adam hugs him from behind, body warm against his, yet Tommy still shivers. "You saw an opportunity and took it. That's enough." 

It's not. "I have a gun," he tells Adam. "It has one silver bullet. That was my opportunity if you'd said no." 

"God." Adam buries his face into his neck. "Don't ever use it. That's my only command. Don't use it."

"I'll give it to you before I leave." 

Adam lets out a sigh of relief. "Thank you." Then his hands slide down Tommy's body to push at his pajama bottoms, and Tommy says yes. It's okay. 

He dies a little when Adam moves to face him and then kneels down to take off his socks. Nobody has ever been this thorough or quiet with his body, not demanding anything from it, only giving. 

Adam's fingers touch his inner thigh, the ugly scar there, the one with broken edges. "What about this one?"

"Carved with a dull knife." He doesn't want to talk about it.

Adam kisses the starting point of that scar, and he stumbles back, unsure and ready to end it. The hands on his hips stop him, and Adam pulls him back, hugs him, his face against Tommy's stomach. The Alpha on his knees for him. 

When Adam leads him to the bed Tommy lets him lay him down, his hands silk against Tommy's skin. It hurts him worse than most things that have been done to him. 

Adam undresses quickly, pulls the covers back, and slides down next to Tommy. He turns Tommy on his side, spoons him from behind, and kisses the mark on his neck. "This is love," he says. "It represents everything we are. You're one of us now."

He hides his face in his hands, curling on his side. 

"You are ours, and we will take care of you."


	9. Chapter 9

It's pleasure and pain for him to go shopping with Adam, pleasure because Adam knows what looks good on him, and pain because Adam makes it a marathon run. They spend six hours shopping with only lattes and sandwiches as fuel, and at the end of it all, Tommy is willing to say yes to anything just to get out of the stores. 

He falls asleep in Adam's car, the purr of the Mustang a sweet lullaby to his exhausted body. 

The shopping happened because Adam realized that he'd be taking his backpack and guitar with him, and that was all, everything he owned. It was rather embarrassing and humiliating, but Adam promised that his contract would give him enough money to pay it all back if he wanted to. At some point. In the future. When things were settled. 

Adam takes him to his new home, wakes him up with a gentle touch, and comes to greet Tommy's new roommates. He knows Adam's visit isn't a social call; he wants to know that Tommy is in good hands. He seems to approve the guys because he soon leaves, hugging Tommy like they've known each other forever.

Mike and Dave have a bed, a shelf, and a table for him, and his mom has brought his DVD collection and old posters, the ones he managed to send her before he supposedly went to Australia. 

It all makes him feel a little more like a person again. He has things that belong to him, things nobody will take or break.

He lets his hand slide over the backs of his DVDs. His mom has put them neatly on the shelf, and he smiles because she has arranged them, too. There's a horror section, a western section, and a TV-series section. He sends a little love to her way, grateful and a little happy. 

Mike and Dave throw a welcome-home-party to him, the kind he actually likes, with lots of beer, fast food, and stupid video games - and nobody else but them. They don't want to share him, which makes him embarrassed but a little pleased. 

He sleeps like a baby the first night in his new home, wakes up at noon, feeling like a sloth, and watches movies until he has to get up. 

Tonight is the night. The American Music Awards.

He showers, dresses, puts on a little makeup, and then waits for Monte to come pick him up. 

Tommy feels like an ant until the moment they are about to go on stage. He keeps doing whatever people expect him to do, keeps moving from place to place, gets dressed in a silly outfit, lets people, especially Adam, just herd him around. It's crazy and intense, and when it's time he can't even be nervous. Too much adrenaline. 

He can't hear Adam sing; he just feels the beat, does his part the best he can. And then Adam is right there and it's time to play a little, just like they've rehearsed. Except, it's Adam, and he never plays anything safe. 

The only warning he gets is the hand at the back of his neck, and then nothing but force, owning, _claiming_. A kaleidoscope of thoughts rush through his mind, but he can't hold on to any of them. He lets it happen, lets Adam kiss him in front of millions of people - in front of Robert, no doubt. 

His knees buckle before it's over because Adam lets his wolf out, and it's so strong he feels like kneeling. Instead, he continues to play when Adam frees him from his hold. 

He can't think, his heart wild in his chest, and when it's over, when they leave the stage, Adam only gets a few seconds to talk to him before he needs to do the interviews. It's not private; it's not good, but it's all they get. 

Adam grabs his arm, and pulls him close, whispers in his ear, "Tell me it's good. Tell me I didn't hurt you. I'll explain later, but just tell me you're fine." Adam is breathing hard, his chest rising with each inhale. 

He's laughing because he can't do anything else. It's all so crazy. "I'm good. It's okay. Go!"

Adam does an interview after an interview, and then they're off to New York, trying to get some dearly needed sleep on the plane. They don't get a chance to talk until at the hotel, and Tommy just follows Adam to his room, not caring what anybody thinks of them. 

"What was that about?" he asks, taking off his shoes, staring at Adam. He got the vibe that there's something else going on here than what Adam told the public. 

Adam sits on the bed, hiding his face behind his hands. The exhaustion finally catches up on him, and his shoulders fall. 

"Tell me." 

Even without his senses he can feel the shift in Adam. There's a lot of pent-up rage inside him. 

"I got threats," Adam finally says. "Messages. Hate mail."

He's seen some of the messages Adam gets. Adam doesn't care about them because he knows he can't please everyone, and because people like to be mean bastards just because they can. This is something different. "What kind?" Tommy asks as he walks closer to Adam. He doesn't dare to sit down so he just stands opposite Adam, playing with the sleeve of his shirt. 

"About you. Werewolves sending a message. Well, I sent one back to them: Fuck off!" 

"You wanted me to wear that stupid shirt so I'd look a little more like a wolf?" 

Adam nods. 

"Did you plan that? The whole thing?" 

Adam shakes his head. 

"Talk to me, damn it." He's shaking. With anger? Or maybe fear. He doesn't know. "What did they say?"

"That they'd hurt you." Adam finally looks at him, and there's something cruel in his eyes, but it's not directed at him. "Over my dead body."

He feels the pull of Adam's wolf, the way it's rising to the surface, demanding his attention, his devotion, his everything. This time he falls on his knees because there's nobody else there. He can. 

Adam moves, gets up gracefully, prowling. He strokes Tommy's hair, and the hand feels both gentle and dangerous. "Good boy." 

Tommy closes his eyes because he can't look at this moment. He will run away from it if he does. "Does it have a name?" he asks quietly. "Do... you have a name?

There's laughter in Adam's voice, but it's not joy, just strength. "We're the same. We own each other. I am him. He is me."

"Do you like me?" He bows his head, fear gripping his heart. 

"What kind of question is that?" The hand in his hair twists, pulls, and his neck tilts back at Adam's will. 

"I... I don't want to be a burden to you." He swallows. "I don't want to harm you."

The wolf lets out a growl, a bit strangled, a lot frustrated. "You concentrate too much on things that are irrelevant." 

The grip tightens, and he pants, mouth open.

"We care about you. Don't take that lightly." The wolf crouches beside him and breathes against his ear. "This body," Adam's fingers brush his chest, "deserves your careful attention." 

He wants to nod, but he can do nothing in Adam's hold. No wolf has ever paid this kind of attention to him. 

"You like this?" Adam bites his ear, teeth still blunt, the pressure a gentle reminder of what lies beneath the human facade. 

Tommy licks his lips, trying to find the answer from somewhere inside him, but before he can say anything Adam licks his mouth, following the wet trail his own tongue left there. The hairs at the back of his neck stand up. 

"You taste good." 

"What?" he squeaks, his eyes snapping open. Adam is close, so close they are breathing the same air, and he can't see anything but the blue of Adam's eyes. 

"You took it." The wolf is still in charge, and it has Tommy locked in its hold, one hand in his hair and the other one between their bodies, grabbing Tommy's shirt. "I liked that. I like the way you want to yield even before I give you a reason to." 

There's very little rationality left in him, but he grabs the hand in his hair, and tries to pull it free. Adam's fingers are warm, and everything but co-operative. His breaths are shallow, very similar to Adam's. 

"Let me," Adam says.

Tommy stops squirming, his hands falling to his sides as he looks Adam in the eyes. He blinks a few times. That kiss was for others. This would be for them.

"I don't want that to be the only one." Adam sounds desperate all of a sudden, and he can't tell if it's more the wolf speaking or Adam. 

Is this supposed to wipe away everything the possessive gesture created between them. Can a kiss erase another one? He's surprised by the power Adam gives him. Adam could take the kiss. He could make Tommy want him to take it. Yet, he holds back, lets him choose, unlike before.

"Yeah. Okay." He sounds strange, maybe because he hasn't kissed anyone else for a very long time. And this is not just a kiss. 

"We're both here," Adam whispers against Tommy's mouth before he presses his lips against Tommy's. It's completely different from the kiss on stage, softer, gentler, more quiet, but it's also the same. They are both kneeling on the floor, Adam's hands in his hair, his own at his sides, their bodies barely touching. 

Then he feels it, the heat spreading from Adam's body to his own, and it's like a fever, so sudden, he gasps against Adam's mouth. His skin is burning, and he starts to shake. 

He puts his hands on Adam's shoulders and pushes at him, their lips parting, saliva between them. Adam has a dazed look on his face, and while he's still out of it, Tommy scrambles to his feet. "I..." He's looking at everything but Adam. He needs to get out of there. 

Tommy goes to the bathroom because leaving completely would be too much. He closes the door behind him, then grabs the side of the sink, head bowed. _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._ He pushes the heal of his hand against his hard cock. That's not what's making him upset, though. It's a normal reaction when kissing someone you like. 

He's hiding here because he could feel the wolf tasting him, and he liked it, felt empowered by it. All the wolves he's ever known have been cruel to him. This one wants him. 

The shaking starts to lessen, and he feels strong enough to let go of the sink. He stares at himself in the mirror, his eyes haunted and round, his face flushed. 

He opens the lock of the door, letting Adam know that he can come in if he wants to. The door opens after a moment. 

Adam is all Adam again. "How are you?"

"Shocked." He smiles ruefully. 

"I shouldn't have kissed you. I'm sorry." Adam stares at him, but doesn't move. 

Tommy thinks Adam doesn't understand it at all. "I didn't mind the kiss," he says, a smile still playing on his lips. "I liked it, both of them... It's just your wolf. What does it want?"

"Mate with you?" Adam shakes his head, laughing a little. 

He just stares, then laughs with Adam. "It's okay. Really. Your wolf is just the first one who hasn't wanted to hurt me... And I attacked it. It has every right to be angry. It's not."

Adam takes a step closer to Tommy, and touches his arm. "We're not separate, Tommy. My wolf is me, just something darker, deeper, older. I'm not angry." 

"You're not?" He sounds so small saying that. 

"No, I'm not."

His mind can't comprehend that. "But it's an animal. It doesn't think the way we do. Why isn't it angry? Why does it... accept me?" He knows he's now repeating himself, that he's only walking in circles, but he can't stop himself. He doesn't understand. He can't. 

"It thinks. And it sees. Yes, you're kind of an interesting project to it, but mostly, you're someone it sees as worthy. You're worth the trouble. You're so worth the trouble." Adam wraps his arms around Tommy. "The wolf is my heart and my strength. It's in me, everywhere, in every thought."

He wants something like that, unity. He feels so detached. "Does it hate my wolf?" He realizes that he doesn't want it to hate the wolf, either. 

"No. It finds it annoying, though. A thorn in its flesh." Adam strokes his back, holds him closer. "But it's mostly fascinated. You smell interesting to it, both of you."

 _Oh..._ "Why can wolves like me make Alphas feel weak?"

Adam is quiet for a moment, then asks, "Do you really want to know?"

He nods, curling his fingers around Adam's shirt at the small of his back. 

"You were created to distract us. The first cursed wolf was a weapon used against a legendary pack leader in the 14th century. You make us concentrate our powers on you."

"What?" He pulls free from Adam's hold. "You can't... No!"

Adam reaches for him, but he takes a step back, flailing his hands in front of himself. "Hey." Adam's voice is soothing. "I know all this. I know one like you."

How can he be sure any of this is real? 

"Don't look like that. It's like with beauty. We are intrigued by it. We let it pull us closer. But it's never the reason why we stay." Adam's eyes are sharp. "Give me more credit than this."

Tommy growls in frustration. "Is this real? Do you like me just because some ancient magic that makes you... I don't know... court me?"

Adam looks like he just slapped him. It's the first time he sees Adam getting angry. The panic that spreads through him blinds his mind, and he reacts with pure instinct, bolting for the door, trying to get past Adam. 

There's a hand on is elbow, but he pulls himself free, every part of his body and mind screaming to get away, to escape. No more pain. Never again. But before he can get away, Adam grabs his waist, captures him, and he's never fought as much as he does then. There's nothing in him but fear and determination. No more. 

"I'm not going to hurt you," Adam says, both hands holding him against his chest. "Tommy, stop. I'm angry, but I'm not going to hurt you. Come back. Please. It's okay. I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm not."

 _Don't believe him._

He tries to think. Adam has never done anything to hurt him. Adam is different. Adam won't try to crush him. Adam won't try to make him beg. Adam won't kill him. Adam is different. He stills in Adam's arms. "Let go." He can't ask nicely. He needs to be free. Right the fuck now. 

Adam releases him, holding his hands up. 

Tommy is breathing fast, his mind still mostly blank, but he's not panicking any more. 

"When I get angry I might yell... Often I don't do even that. When I'm really angry I stay quiet and just gather it inside me, twist the feeling and let it fill me. If I can't find an outlet for it I'll go out and hunt. I never hurt anyone close to me. I can say something terrible, though. I might hurt you with words. And I can lose control with stupid people. You're not one of them. And the only time I ever hurt someone is when they deserve to be put down."

He knows that. At least he should know that, but when he saw Adam's eyes, the narrow look of them, how his stance changed... "I can't do this."

"You can. You are doing it." 

"I want everything to be alright. I want a normal life." He paces the room, staying far away from Adam. "I want my life back, but all I get is this. I don't know how to make it better. I don't know how to be. Everything I do seems to make it worse. I made you angry." He stops, stares at Adam through his fringe. "I've hurt you. I've attacked you. I've questioned everything you do. Just tell me to go. Make me leave."

Adam takes a few steps back, and leans against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest. "The wolf is right. You concentrate on irrelevant things. You think that this is about you only, that I'm doing this for you and not with you, that we're not in this together. Honey, you're being self-centered."

The words strike him silent. 

"I've told you you're one of us now. It also means you're responsible for us. Your actions matter. How you treat yourself and the pack. How you talk about yourself and us. You're not alone in this world any more, and you can't think about yourself only."

He's never even thought of it that way. 

"You're hurt. You can't heal in a heartbeat, not from these wounds. Give yourself time. But try to see the other side too. Because I care about you it hurts me if you hate yourself or if you think that you're not worth anything. Or if you think that what I do and what I want to give and how I feel are just products of some magic. I'm here. I'm with you. I want to be. Let me."

Tommy brushes his hair behind his ear because he needs to do something. Adam is right. He should be able to trust, at least a little. "I can't believe I met you."

Adam's smile is a little sly, but he says nothing.

He goes to Adam, and leans his forehead on Adam's shoulder. Adam doesn't touch him, but it doesn't feel like a rejection. "I'll do my best," he says to Adam's shirt. "I'll try not to disappoint you."

A gentle hand touches his neck, and it feels intimate. "You can't."


	10. Chapter 10

  
_Drink up baby, down  
Are you in or are you out?  
Leave your things behind  
'Cause it's all going off without you  
Excuse me, too busy   
You're writing your tragedy  
These mishaps  
You bubble-wrap  
When you've no idea what you're like_

_So, let go, let go  
Jump in  
Oh well, what you waiting for?  
It's all right  
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown  
So, let go, let go  
Just get in  
Oh, it's so amazing here  
It's all right  
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown_

_It gains the more it gives  
And then it rises with the fall  
So hand me that remote  
Can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow?  
Such boundless pleasure  
We've no time for later  
Now you can't await  
your own arrival  
you've twenty seconds to comply_

Let Go by Frou Frou

A few days before the next full moon Adam arranges a meeting with the pack because it's time for the family to get to know its newest member. 

Tommy is surprised that the pack actually owns the building where the audition was held. It's huge, and old, and intimidating, and Adam guides him through the back passages to an auditorium that is full of faces he doesn't recognize. He can feel their eyes on him, and not all of them seem accepting and nice. 

Adam has told him that the inner pack has almost thirty members, but there are at least fifty more who follow Adam even if they haven't made a permanent pact with him. 

It's one of the biggest packs in LA. 

They sit behind a table at the front, and Tommy feels like an animal on display. Adam, Jeff, and Roxy sit with him, and Sisi stands beside Adam, whispering things to him. Tommy can't understand why she's there. She's not a wolf, yet she's somehow a part of this. 

Adam clears his throat. "Hello, family," he says, a broad smile on his face, and everyone laughs, not because it's funny but because he makes them feel like one. The laughter has Tommy smiling despite his fear. "We're here to greet one of our own, one I've found worthy. Treat him well."

The crowd cheers, and Tommy looks at them with bewilderment. 

"Most of you know this, but he's a Maldito so be careful with him. Don't let your instincts fool you, and don't let his charm enchant you. He's unaware of most of it." Adam turns to look at Tommy, and he has no idea what's going on. He didn't know Adam would talk about him to everyone like this. Adam faces the audience again, his voice low when he speaks. "I've accepted a challenge from his wolf. It's actually very exciting to me, and I look forward to it. I hope none of you feel like Tommy should be held responsible for what his wolf does. These two are still separate entities. Give them time." 

He wants to hide. This is just too much. He's sure he's as red as a lobster. 

"Please, share your thoughts," Adam finally says, opening his arms. 

Before anyone speaks Adam whispers in Tommy's ear, "We talk openly. They have the right to say anything, and I get lectured a lot." He grins, wide and happy, squeezing Tommy's shoulder.

 _What?_ Adam is an Alpha. His word is the law. 

Adam leans close one more time. "I ask them to do this because all the wisdom in the world is not inside my head. I might overlook something."

He's never going to get used to this. Adam is so different from Robert they can't be from the same planet. 

A curly haired girl raises her hand. She looks fifteen, but Tommy is pretty sure she's not that young. It's hard to guess the ages of werewolves because they don't age the same way humans do. Adam gives her a permission to speak, and she really truly does. "You spend too much time with him," she says, her voice soft and not aggressive at all. "Ever since he came along we haven't seen you much. We need you, too."

Agreeing noises fill the room, and another person rises to his feet, his eyes on Tommy. "What about his old pack. How dangerous are they to us? Will they attack? Should we be careful?" He sits down, his movements a little rigid as he straightens his shirt. 

Roxy raises her hand, and Adam nods. "Does he need something from us? Can we help somehow?" 

Tommy smiles to her, and she smiles back, sweet and a little shy even though she's such a tough girl. Tommy loves her a little for that. 

A scruffy looking guy leans forward in his seat, and says, "Does he have power over you? Should we be worried? Has he talked to Sasha?"

Adam raises his hands, and everyone falls silent. "Thank you," he says. Tommy feels the wolf in Adam stretching, listening. Threat underneath. "First of all, the old pack is a real danger. It has alliances with other areas, and I know they've been sending messages to the hunter pack, too. Robert Parker may have given Tommy to me, but he still wants to have a right to him, to his future, his life. I don't want war, but I might have to fight him one day."

Tommy stares straight ahead, trying to keep his expressions calm. He knows nothing about this. His heart is racing in his chest, and he wonders how many people in this room can hear it. Most, for sure. 

"What comes to us, him and me, we're doing fine. We talk, and he's carrying most of his burden by himself. He's a strong person, one of the strongest I've ever met, and he doesn't try to use any of his charm on me." Adam laughs. "It doesn't mean I can't see it." 

Some people actually laugh with Adam, and it's good-natured. They're not laughing at him, and he dares to look at them. The eyes he meets are curious and nothing more. 

"I like him, and he needs me so I'm spending a little more time with him than you might like, but it's not something that will last forever. He has a strong need to stand on his own. You'll see."

Tommy is starting to realize what this is all about. He understand how Adam leads his pack, and how he treasures the honest opinions he gets. No bad blood between family. And he's not on display; he's being introduced to the pack. He feels a little like a sacrificial lamb but in a good way. The thought makes him hide his smile behind his hand. 

"And what you could do to help? Please take him. That would make me more than happy." 

The whole auditorium is eerily silent, no sound anywhere. Tommy holds his breath because he doesn't know what it means. Looking at Adam doesn't help him either. 

Roxy is the first one who rises to her feet and walks up to him. She asks Tommy to stand up, too, and he does, bewildered. She kisses his cheeks, then says, "I'll take you, brother." 

Everyone comes to him, their caresses different, but the words are the same every time. They accept him, even the ones who spoke against him. The curly haired girl is overly affectionate, hugging him like he's her long lost brother - and maybe he is. Maybe he means something to these people. 

He feels vulnerable when it's over, open to the raw core like there's nothing in front of himself and the world. He can't believe that these strangers want to have him. 

He can't follow most of the conversation after this; he just sits next to Adam, holding himself together the best he can. He wants to go home, wants to hide under the covers until this awful feeling goes away. He's never felt so weak in his life, and he can't seem to close himself at all. 

Adam touches his arm at some point to get his attention. "I'll take you home." 

Tommy nods. He's pretty fucking close to the edge right now. He breathes in and out, waiting for the meeting to end. Seconds feel endless. 

When they finally say bye to everyone he's barely able to stand. There's vastness in him, the kind that makes him lose himself bit by bit. Adam takes hold of his arm, and pulls him with him, walking fast. 

Outside, the sun is shining, and the world is still moving, and people continue to exist. He's trembling now, losing it. "Fuck." He breathes hard, leaning against his thighs. 

Adam stands beside him, a quiet, calming presence. 

He can't stand the emotions rushing through him. Can't deal. Can't. He only gets a second's warning, and then he's throwing up, all of it coming out, so fast he can only let it happen. "Fuck." He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. He's glad he doesn't have his heightened senses because everything smells terrible to him as it is. 

"Have you ever experienced grounding?" Adam asks after he's stopped vomiting his guts out. 

He shakes his head, and it's a bad move. He feels dizzy, disgusting. 

"I was sixteen when my best friend killed herself," Adam says quietly. "I couldn't deal. I didn't understand how to move forward after that. It was like a wall. The end." Adam touches the side of his face, and Tommy looks at him, really looks at him, and sees the pain in his eyes, the person behind all the characters he's ever played. "My grandfather did the grounding to me. It helped."

Tommy doesn't know what to say. He's too wide, too fragile, too out of control to even make any kind of decisions. "How?" he asks because it's the safest word at the moment. 

"Come here." Adam pulls him into the shadows of a nearby alley, pushes him against a wall, and captures his wrists at his sides. "Let the wolf out. I'll make it carry a part of it." 

"Won't that make it angrier?" He's whispering because he has nothing left in him, no will to fight. 

Adam smiles. "Probably. But it also makes it feel more like a part of you. You're sharing something." 

"It has its own wounds." He shakes his head. He can't do that to the wolf.

"Let it out," Adam says close to his cheek. "I'll ground you."

He can't handle this on his own. He breathes, body trembling like a leaf in the wind. "Okay. Okay." 

He cries out when he lets go. His head hits the wall behind him when the wolf climbs up, pushes through, a violent energy following it. It hurts. 

Adam holds him down, bruising his wrists, forcing the wolf to stop, to stay still, to stand in between worlds that don't exist anywhere. 

Tommy screams because there's nothing that could have ever prepared him for this, for the pure, vicious anger of the wolf, its willpower and life-force. "God, make it stop." He can't believe his throat still works, that he can still form words. He's used to pain, but this is like suffocating from the inside, every part of his body wrong and deformed. "Make it stop." 

There's a moment when he thinks the wolf will get free, that Adam will lose his concentration, and it's all over, but then he feels the quiet cool touch of something ancient. He doesn't know what it is, but it makes him feel light. He falls against Adam's chest, all strength leaving his body. 

Adam pushes his hair back, touches his face. There's something very gentle about the touch, and he feels a little precious. "You okay? How do you feel?"

Better. Exhausted. Like laughing. He tries it, but it sounds terrible, like he's maybe crying a little too. 

"Your wolf is a handful, but it... cares about you."

What is he supposed to say to that? "I'm good," he says, and it's maybe a little true. Something feels different. "Thank you."

"It's okay. I'm happy it worked." Adam lifts one of Tommy's wrists up to show the bruises he left there. They are getting dark already. "Sorry about these."

Tommy gives him a tired grin. "The best bruises ever."


	11. Chapter 11

  
_Night falls  
I fall  
And where were you?  
And where were you?_

_Warm skin  
Wolf grin  
And where were you?_

_I fell into the moon  
And it covered you in blue  
I fell into the moon  
Can I make it right?  
Can I spend the night?_

_High tide  
Inside  
The air is dew  
And where were you?_

_While I  
I died  
And where were you?_

_I crawled out of the world  
And you said I shouldn't stay  
I crawled out of the world  
Can I make it right?  
Can I spend the night  
Alone?_

Blue by Angie Hart

Adam sits sideways on the bus seat, holding two similar objects in his hands. "We're gonna wear these."

Tommy tilts his head to the side, and puts his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. This whole idea smells fishy. "Why?"

"I want to see what happens. I want to know why your wolf reacts the way it does, and I want you to get to know it." 

He looks at the mini-cameras, wrinkling his nose. "We'll be naked. Weird taping." 

Adam laughs. "We'll be wolves most of the time. I want you to see how you look, and I want to be able to study your wolf. While we're out there I won't have time to do anything but fight it, keep it in line."

"Okay, I'll wear it." He kicks the seat in front of him, and Neil turns to look at him, giving him the evil eye. Neil's evil eye is pretty damn evil. "I don't care how much his favorite you are; I'll kick your ass to the back of the bus if you don't stop that." 

Neil wasn't with them the last time they went to the canyons, and this is technically the first time he's ever seen Neil. Tommy is pretty sure he saw him at the house, though, when he was still recovering from the last gift Robert left him. 

He likes Neil, but Neil doesn't seem to like anyone. Tommy kind of enjoys watching him together with Adam because he's so unapologetic about everything. He's maybe younger, but there's something older brother like about him. Adam's whole family is wolf-kin, but only Neil is a part of his pack. Tommy hasn't asked why. 

"Sorry." He knows he doesn't look sorry at all. 

"Hold him on a leash or something," Neil says to Adam, and then goes back to reading his book - which is about something terribly boring, Tommy is sure. 

Adam mouths, _Sorry. Moron._ and points at his brother's head. 

Tommy laughs silently, biting his lip. 

This time he isn't so scared. He knows what's going to happen, and Adam's excitement is catching. He really is looking forward to fighting Tommy's wolf. 

They wait for the moon to rise at the same spot as before, getting undressed. Adam puts the camera to his collar, and he does the same to Adam. There's also one filming them right now from a nearby tree. Sisi is at the other end of that camera, and that thought makes Tommy blush. He's butt-naked in front of these people all the damn time. 

Adam keeps looking at him, smiling, his eyes a brilliant shade of blue. He's playful. 

"It's coming," Adam says to him, and takes his hand. "This time, let it out without a fight. It hurts less, and you might remember something." 

Tommy nods. "Okay." He squeezes Adam's hand, all of a sudden looking for reassurance. 

He has another few seconds to himself, and then the wolf starts pushing itself forward, through his skin, through his mind. He welcomes it even when the scorching pain hits his spine. He falls to the ground on all fours, staring at Adam, snarling. This time he doesn't try to stop the wolf, and he feels its thoughts before he falls into the darkness. It's not just angry; it thinks everyone is out to get it. 

The one last thing he sees is Adam's wolf facing him: huge, black, and menacing, so frightening he would freeze if his wolf wasn't in charge already. 

When he becomes aware of himself again it's right in the middle of a fucking fight. Adam jumps at him, tries to change his course in mid-air, but ends up ramming into him anyway. 

They roll down a small hill, and then land in a ditch, Tommy on top of the wolf this time. Adam's claws managed to tear open his chest, but the wounds are shallow. They just feel nasty. 

Adam turns into human the moment they are able to breathe again. "You okay?"

Tommy laughs. He's lying sideways on Adam's stomach. "I'm fine. Just look." He turns on his side to show Adam his chest. 

"Shit. Sorry." Adam's fingers trace the three cuts that are almost the length of his torso. "I was thinking it was close to morning already, but... Sorry."

"It's okay." It really is, he realizes. "Can I just stay here for a while. I'm dead." He curls on his stomach again, and rests against Adam's chest. "Was it as bad as it was before?"

Adam touches his hair lightly, strokes his head, and he closes his eyes. "A little worse, I think. It's angrier than before. When you were with Robert the wolf was with you every day, out in the open. Now it's pushed down, shunned, and I made it carry a part of your burden. It doesn't like me very much. Not at all, actually. But it doesn't try to go after anyone else. It wants to beat me; it wants to win."

"You're not as tired, though?" 

"No. I was prepared. I knew what was coming. And we didn't fight the whole time. I made it run, too."

He sighs. Adam's fingers in his hair feel good, just what he needs right now. "I want to sleep here."

"Sleep. It's okay. They'll come find us." Adam doesn't stop petting him. He smiles, soft and sweet. 

The next time he comes around, Adam is carrying him, and he's wrapped in a blanket. He lets his head fall against Adam's shoulder again, sleep calling him. 

They are already at Adam's house when he wakes up next. He's lying on the couch, fully clothed, and there are people all around him. Most of them are sitting on the floor, and everyone is eating and laughing and talking over each other. It looks like a house party, and not a get-together of werewolves after full moon. 

Adam crouches beside the couch, touching his shoulder. He looks like he just got out of the shower, hair wet, and his face makeup free. "Food?" he asks, and Tommy is beyond grateful. He nods, eager and happy. 

Roxy brings him a plate full of sushi, and he blinks a few times. "Weird," he says because wolves eating fish after an adrenaline filled night is just plain weird. She laughs, and asks him to sit up so they can all fit on the couch. It's even more weird after that because Roxy actually feeds him, dips the maki pieces to soy sauce, and pushes them into his mouth. He laughs his mouth full, and she smiles at him, pleased. 

There's something odd about the way Adam rests his hand on his thigh. It's just there while he speaks with other people, a possessive gesture that makes Tommy feel a little excited and uncertain. 

At some point Sisi sits next to Roxy, leans over her lap, and says to Tommy, "The cameras worked. The footage looks good, blurry and crazy most of the time, but the beginning of it is great. Your wolf is beautiful."

The compliment makes him uncomfortable. He's hated the wolf for so long for bringing all those terrible things into his life, but he's starting to think that the hatred might be misplaced. None of these people hate their wolves, and all of them welcome him. Wolves can be different.

Sisi's blue hair frames her round face, and it makes her look like an anime character. "You have darker fur around your cheeks and a wide dark spot right here," she points at her own chest, "but otherwise you're completely white. And you're lean, and very flexible."

Tommy is not sure if she's still talking about his wolf. She seems innocent enough, but one can never know. "Thank you," he says, touching her hand. "Really."

The smile she gives him _is_ flirty. "You're welcome." 

Roxy clears her throat, and Tommy turns to look at her. She seems a little bristled, but her tone is sweet. "Do you want to sit together?" she asks, and before Tommy can say anything Sisi takes Roxy's hand, her eyes big and pleading. "Ooooh... let me." Tommy laughs, and Roxy joins him. She lets them sit together, and goes to talk with the curly haired girl who looks very very young. Tommy really needs to learn all their names. 

Sisi sits close to him, leans against his side, all warm and smelling wonderful, and says, "I think I really like you."

The feeling is mutual, but he's completely off his game. He feels like a teenager again, stupid fucking two years of his life making everything difficult. He bites his lip, then says, "I'm really bad at this at the moment, but yeah, I like you, too."

She beams, and kisses his chin. "I'm glad. And it's okay. I don't mind."

Tommy lets his knuckles slide over her bare arm. "Why are you with the pack? Is it okay to ask?"

She looks serious for a second, but then smiles, saying, "Adam inherited the pack from my father." The seriousness returns, and she adds quietly, "He died a few years ago." She pauses for a moment, then says, "I don't really know anything but this life. I'm Adam's jack-of-all-trades. I know a little about a lot, and I'd do anything for him. He lets me play this part even though he could find someone with more talent." 

Adam sits right next to Tommy so he must have heard everything Sisi just said, but it never seems to bother the pack that their Alpha knows all kinds of truths about them. Adam hasn't moved his hand away; it's still squeezing Tommy's thigh, not too tightly, but tight enough that he can't forget that it's there. 

He's too distracted that he doesn't know what to say. He hates moments like these when he likes someone and has no idea what to talk with them. It's gut-wrenching. "Um..." He looks at Sisi who saves him by kissing him on the lips. His heart stops. 

"You're lovely," she says, and gets up. "Just think about me sometimes. I'll be here."

Tommy stares after her, speechless. He just sits there for the rest of the evening, following the conversations Adam has with Jeff, Monte, and three other guys - or he makes agreeing noises in the right places, but he's mostly zoned out and has no idea what they are actually talking about. 

It's a weird evening, but it feels easy, like family.

He spends the night there because Adam is too tired to take him home, and everyone who'd even go anywhere near his direction has left ages ago. He goes to the guestroom, gets familiar with it again, and he really likes it, but it feels weird to sleep there, even if the red armchair is his favorite furniture ever. He's so used to his own bed now. He likes his little room. He likes the guys, too. Mike always makes coffee in the morning, and all he has to do is get his lazy ass out of the bed. 

He can't sleep. 

When he leaves the room he sees that there's a light on downstairs. 

Adam has his headphones on, and he's sitting on the couch, wearing only his pajama bottoms. His eyes are closed. 

He snaps them open, though, because of course he can smell Tommy. He pulls the headphones off, smiling. "Hi. Sleepless, too?"

Tommy nods. Life is cruel. He feels the pull, and it weirds him out. He always wants to please Adam. He always wants to be good enough to him. He always wants to be in his presence. It's stupid and annoying, and he doesn't want to feel like that. 

Adam stands up, and Tommy wishes he hadn't. 

"I've been thinking," Adam says, walking up to him, holding his hand out. Tommy takes it without a moment's thought. "I think I am infatuated by you. I should be honest."

Tommy tilts his head back, looks into Adam's eyes. What is this now? 

"I just want you to know that I'm not doing all this out of the pureness of my heart. And... I would like to be the only one who can give you what you need. It's such a selfish feeling." Adam touches his cheek, pulls him closer. "I'd like to be the only important one."

He just stands there. He's a little shocked, but mostly he's just glad Adam is honest. This kind of honesty makes him feel less stupid, less weak, less embarrassing. He's not the only one who's not perfect. "I don't mind. I'll have others, too, but I don't mind at all. It makes me kind of happy." He sees how the smile finds Adam's eyes first. They are sparkling, and then his whole face opens to that broad smile. 

"I might get jealous sometimes."

Tommy nods. "Me too." 

"You want to keep me too?"

"Of course."

They are important to each other. Nothing can change that. It's in their blood now, somewhere deep in them, showing through the mark at the nape of Tommy's neck. 

Adam bites at one of Tommy's fingers, gazing at him. "I want you."

He's hyper-aware of Adam's touch, and he doesn't know what's the right thing to say. Nothing he knows fits this. 

Adam pushes his hand under Tommy's fringe, softly spreading his hair over his face. That same hand lands on his neck, fingers tracing small patterns there. "You're beautiful."

His mouth opens, and he looks at Adam through his hair, strands of it getting stuck to his wet lips. 

"So be a little careful with me. I might get ideas sometimes about who you belong to, and what you should give." 

Tommy sways on his feet when Adam lets go of him. It's time to go back to his room, time to leave, but he's glued to the spot. Adam brushes his hair off his face, and he follows the movement with his own. The closeness feels like waves. "Go now. Please." 

He takes a step back, and Adam lets his hand fall to his side. "Good night," he says to Adam, then takes a few steps back and turns around. 

He goes back to bed, and this time he definitely can't sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

Sisi has edited the footage for them, and it's now a fifteen-minute-long tape of two wolves fighting, running, and stalking each other. Tommy feels like he's watching Discovery Channel. He can't wrap his mind around the fact that the wolf is him. 

He's never seen the wolf, not even in pictures, and it's weird to see that he doesn't look like a two-legged-monster. He's an actual wolf, smaller than Adam, but still pretty damn big. 

"It looks good, healthy," Adam says, starting the tape over, jumping back to the point where they're running. "And it's not as skinny as you." Adam's smile is teasing. 

"Why don't they have names?" He feels like the wolf should have name. It looks like it already does, but he just doesn't know it yet. 

Adam turns to look at him. They are sitting side by side on the couch, Adam's laptop resting on his thighs. "The wolf is supposed to be a part of you, a piece that connects everything together. It's supposed to be you, and it's supposed to have your name, or no name at all."

"Even so, can I name it?" 

"You can do whatever you want. If it makes you feel better about it then please do." Adam looks curious, his eyes searching. "I think it's fascinating that you feel like that. Why do you want to name it?"

He doesn't know. He doesn't want to look too deep either. He just wants to do it, and it feels like the right thing to do. "I just want to... give something to it. I don't know... What do you think of Balir?"

Adam looks at the wolf running on the screen. It's one of the rare moments when Tommy's wolf is running in front of Adam's. "Why not? I don't know anyone else who's named their wolf. I can't tell you what name suits it. Only you can."

Yeah, only he can. He leans closer to the screen, supporting himself on Adam's thigh. "Would you like to be Balir?" The wolf growls, jumping at the camera, the one that was on Adam's collar. Tommy laughs. "I think it likes the name."

"You're so weird, you know."

Tommy turns to face Adam, and he realizes how close they are. For a second his mind wanders to a place where he stradles Adam's thighs and Adam captures his hips, pulls him closer. He shakes that thought out of his mind, and asks, "Why?"

"Your eyes are always looking forward. No matter how painful your current moment is, you know you'll see something else in the future. It's so clear in everything you do, and how you saved yourself. You see possibilities. You don't lose hope."

He wasn't expecting that. He just stares at Adam, his hand still on Adam's thigh, most of his weight resting on it.

"That's why it's so much easier to carry you when you can't see anything. Most of the time, you're so light." 

This conversation scares him. He wants to get away, but he can't move. Adam's eyes are holding him still. 

"You don't want anyone to take away your burden. Most of the time, you don't even want to show it to anyone. But you did show me once how much you despise yourself, remember?"

Tommy nods. That's all he can do. 

"Yet, you still want to name the one thing that's caused all this suffering to you. You'd rather blame yourself for everything than make anyone you know suffer. You know the wolf is real now. You know it's not a monster. You know it feels."

"Stop. Please."

Adam puts the laptop next to him on the couch, and pulls Tommy into his lap. His knees are on either side of Adam's thighs, and he sits on top of him. He puts his hands on Adam's chest to keep his balance. Adam's hands rest lightly on his waist. "You are a good person," Adam says quietly. "You deserve good things."

"I never fought back." It's barely audible. 

"You survived. And not just that, you kept yourself intact. You are you. You own yourself."

"I would have done something sooner if I'd known the wolf. I should've protected it." 

"Life is full of ifs, darling. If you live by them you'll be miserable." Adam's thumbs work their way under his T-shirt, and he closes his eyes. "Learn to know everything now."

God, he can't think. 

"I like the way I make you smell." Adam's voice is a low whisper close to his skin. 

He moves just a little, but it sends an electric current down his body, and Adam's hands on his waist go rigid. "I shouldn't have said that." Adam holds him still for a second, and then lifts him off himself, gently rubbing his bare arm. 

He can't hide the way Adam's closeness affects him. He's trying not to pant, but he has to open his mouth so he can get enough air. He pulls his legs close to his body and hugs them. He's still not looking at Adam. 

"This is real, but it's a sum of so many things that it's better we don't act upon it," Adam says.

It's love and adoration and gratitude and bonding and need. He knows that, but still, he feels a little annoyed that he craves for something and can't have it. 

"Do you like both?" Adam asks.

He likes people, and then sex with only a few of them. "I like you."

There's laughter in Adam's voice when he speaks. "I'm that special?" He tries to make the situation lighter, and it's working. Adam knows how to control moments, time and space. 

He decides to be honest. "Yes, you are." He's leaning his chin on his knees, his eyes still closed. He feels safe even though the topic is not something he's comfortable with. 

"You're special, too, you know."

Maybe it's true. Maybe he has a small important part in Adam's life among the hundreds of people who are already close to him. He isn't that certain about it, though. Now he is, but for how long? 

Adam sighs. "Look at me, please. I want to know you're fine."

He does that. "I'm not fragile even if I tend to break every two seconds." He bites his lip. He doesn't want to ruin his serious tone with a smile. 

Adam touches his arm again, and it brings back the overly sensitive feel to his skin. He wonders how much of it is there because of the mark at the back of his neck. The fingers travel up his arm, over his shoulder to the back of his neck. "I don't know..." Adam rests his forehead against Tommy's. "I..."

Tommy lets go of his legs, but stays still otherwise. 

"I don't know what is what. I just want to..." Adam shifts a little, his lips so close to Tommy's he can feel them when Adam talks. "I've always known why. With you, I don't. I have to be so careful." 

He thinks Adam is torturing them for nothing. Adam should just kiss him, do whatever he wants. Yet, that's the thing. He'd let anything happen. He's let everything happen to him before. He always lets things happen. Even before the wolf. 

And then they are kissing, and the thoughts mean nothing to him. It's a tentative kiss, nothing but soft touching of their mouths. Adam is not trying to deepen it, not trying to give him any tongue, just kissing, their lips moving in perfect synchrony.

Tommy clings to Adam's shirt, and lets out a noise low in his throat. He's not ready when Adam pushes him down on his back, and spreads his legs, Adam's warm body covering his own, moving on top of him, thrusting against him. His mind whitens. 

Adam kisses his neck, bites it, _smells_ him like he hasn't just marked him but claimed him too. His back arches, his body trying to get closer. He wants nothing but belong. 

"Fuck." Adam groans, stops moving. "Fuck."

He wants to say, _yes, please_ , but holds his tongue. He tries to hold his body still, too, tries to stop from touching Adam's back, his hair. 

"I want to make love to you." 

The words hit his spine, and he moans in Adam's ear. 

"Just... God, why do you smell like mine?"

"You can have anything you want," he whispers, moving under Adam, wrapping his legs around him. 

Adam bites his neck. "Don't say that."

He doesn't understand why it's such a big deal. People have sex all the time. "I want it."

Adam breathes his skin, touches his ear with his nose. "I can smell that."

"Then what's the problem?" Adam is hard, he's hard. They are clearly in this together. 

Adam pulls him up, frees himself from Tommy's hold, and sits opposite Tommy, his legs beneath him. "You'd give me anything?"

Tommy nods. 

"That's the problem."

The words are like a cold shower. He feels so fucking embarrassed he wants the floor to swallow him. "I'm not a fucking slave. I know what I want."

"I know you do. But the truth is we're both vulnerable at the moment. I don't want to use you."

He just stares. "Okay, it's fine." He gets up, and stretches his arms high above his head. He wants out of there. "Can you take me home?"

Adam sits there for a few seconds, then goes to the kitchen to grab his car keys. Tommy follows him out the door. 

He feels like he did something wrong even though it was Adam who spoiled the moment. He has no idea what is his fault any more, but his first urge is to fix it somehow, to please the Alpha. He bristles at the thought. 

"You can say what you think. I don't mind," Adam says after a long silence.

"Maybe I mind. I don't want to share everything."

"Good."

He didn't expect that. It throws him off his game, and he glances at Adam. "What?"

"It means you're starting to think of yourself as someone separate of the Alpha."

That makes him bristle some more. He hates it when Adam knows more about himself than he does - or thinks he knows. Whatever. He stares ahead the rest of the way, not saying anything. 

When they reach his apartment Adam frees himself from the seatbelt, and quickly pulls Tommy into a hug before he can bolt out of the door. "I'm so glad you're in my life," Adam says, and all Tommy's arguments fly out of his mind. He melts into the warmth. "Have fun until New York." 

Their next trip to the East Coast. He won't be seeing Adam for a few days then. Maybe that's for the better. 

He pulls free from Adam's hold, and gets out of the car. "Thanks for the ride." He closes the door before Adam can answer him. He does wave, though. He's not that angry.


	13. Chapter 13

The most annoying thing about being a part of Adam's entourage is the fact that people assume things. Because he's pretty, petite, and mostly blond, he must be stupid, and because he follows Adam he's clearly using him in some terrible way. And some people talk to him like he has shit for brains. 

This happens to him at one of the many parties they go to before Christmas. 

He sits at a table full of people, beer buzzing in his brain, feeling kind of mellow and good when a guy with a weird mustache shoves his phone to Tommy's face, showing him a picture he's just taken of Adam and him. "You look like his pet." 

Tommy knows the guy like he knows many of the people Adam has introduced to him. They have nothing in common, and he wants to have nothing in common with this person. People who can't see past their own judgmental minds have never intrigued him. "Really?"

"You're just his type: tiny, cute, and easy." The guy smiles. 

He wants to erase the picture because it has captured a moment he hasn't been aware of. He's looking up at Adam, standing very close, and there's adoration on his face. He doesn't want anyone tainting that, but he feels embarrassed. He can't help it. "You have it all wrong," he says, but doesn't want to explain any of it to this shithead. 

"You're one of many. He's been circling boys like you." He pauses, pocketing his phone. "Life's a bitch, huh?" 

Tommy stands up without making an excuse. He just wants to get away from this negativity. He can choose now; he has the right to walk away. That thought makes him look back, a wicked smile on his face. "I'll gladly be his bitch." The bastard can think whatever he wants. Tommy knows the truth. 

To rub it in, he walks up to Adam, and offers his warmth. Adam doesn't look at him, but he puts his arm around Tommy's waist, pulls him closer. Adam is talking with Longineu and Monte, and there's a group of other people around them, too, all of them werewolves. 

After a while, Adam whispers in his ear, "You okay?"

He wants to lie to keep Adam happy, but he can't. "I let people get to me sometimes," he says, hiding his face in Adam's shirt. "I'm an easy target."

Adam looks at him for a moment, then says, "I always think that people who try to make other people feel bad are miserable themselves. I'm the lucky one because my mind is a happy place, always full of weird ideas and wonderment. Most of the time I feel sorry for them because of their lack of fun. That's the only thought I spare for them." 

He sighs. "I wish I could do that, too."

"What did they say?" Adam asks, kissing the side of his head. 

"Basically that I'm a loser for thinking that I matter to you at all. Also... He managed to make me feel like a fool because I follow you around, because I adore you." He can't believe he's saying all this to Adam. Maybe this is how his pack feels, that because Adam doesn't require them to share anything they want to do it. 

Adam laughs. "If anyone thinks you're not important to me they are a fool."

That makes him smile. "Dance with me." It must be the beer talking because he never dances. For some reason he wants to show these people that they are close. It annoys him that he is affected by this, but it's the way it is. He's not that strong yet. 

Adam takes his hand and leads him to the dancefloor. "Just one. I don't want to flaunt." Adam's smile is wide as he twirls Tommy around, and he smiles back, so, so happy he can't hide it in any way. 

Beyoncé soon changes to Pink's Crystal Ball, and Adam pulls him close, dances with him ballroom style like a gentleman. He even dips Tommy back, arms steady and sure. 

_Oh I've felt that fire and I've been burned  
But I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned  
I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned._

He looks at Adam in the eyes, serious all of a sudden. Adam takes a step back, releasing him, and they just stare at each other. 

It's then that someone grabs Tommy's waist from behind, pulls him close to a strong body. He reacts without thinking, lowering his stance and taking hold of the guys fingers, twisting hard. When the guy starts letting go Tommy stomps his foot, too. It's over in a few seconds, the guy disappearing into the masses before he can even turn around and see who it was. 

He looks at Adam who's looking at him. It might have been just someone who wanted to dance with him, just a normal person, but he doesn't like anybody touching him without his permission. He doesn't know what to feel, but his heart is definitely crazy. 

Adam holds out his hand, and he takes it, lets Adam pull him close. "You're fierce," Adam whispers in his ear, and there's wonderment in those words. 

He wants that tattooed to his skin: _fierce little bitch._ He hugs Adam, not caring one bit that there are people around them. The music plays with his body, makes it sway, and the buzz in his brain is mellow again. "I wanna go home. I'll grab a cab."

Adam's hands travel up his spine, then down again. "I don't want to let go."

The way Adam sounds makes his heart flutter. It's so silly. It's the wolf. It owns him. But it's not directed at him only. Adam is emanating power, showing the whole room that this one is his. 

It affects everyone, wolves and humans alike, and people give them room, yet they still stay close, trying to be a part of it. Tommy stares at one guy who is beautiful in a doll-like way. There's yearning on his face, the kind he's only seen in the mirror. 

Adam bites his neck, teeth blunt, but the intent is there. His knees give in, and he holds on to Adam. 

Someone taps his shoulder, and he turns his head, tries to see, his pupils blown for sure. 

It's Monte. "Can you let go?"

He doesn't understand the question. It feels like he has drugs in his system. 

"He's affecting everyone here. We may be out, but we don't usually show ourselves this... massively." Monte sounds weirdly distant, far away, but his voice is kind, coaxing. "We should probably go."

Adam sniffs his ear, his jaw, then pulls back just a little. His eyes are yellow. He bites Tommy's chin. 

"Everyone won't understand what's going on, but some will. We don't want this kind of attention." Monte touches Adam's shoulder. "Let's go. You've made it clear. Nobody will dare to come close to him now."

"You did," Adam says. It's not a threat, but it's very close to one. 

Monte laughs. "You know me, always trying to get into the pants of your boys."

"I'm not his boy," Tommy says before he can stop himself. 

"No, but it doesn't change this. We need to go. Nobody will challenge him, but we don't want to stay here and wait if someone is stupid enough to try."

Longineu, Jeff, and Roxy are there now, too, and Tommy starts to feel embarrassed. This might be his fault. He needs to learn to control what he has, if he has something. He still doubts it, but there's evidence now. He affects Adam, affects his wolf. 

Adam won't let go of Tommy, but he lets them usher him and Tommy out of the bar where the party is held. He does growl at someone who walks too close to Tommy, though, and the girl jumps, quickly running to her friends after seeing the look in Adam's eyes. 

Tommy doesn't know what to feel. A part of him is happy that he's the center of Adam's attention now, but mostly he's just petrified by the intensity of it. He remembers the doll-like boy and his expression: what he would have given to be in Tommy's place. He belongs somewhere for sure now, but he doesn't know why. Partly because he asked, partly because of the curse, partly because there's attraction between them, partly because he's a very good guitarist. 

Partly because he's a beaten animal. 

There's a van waiting for them, and Adam helps him in first, then takes the seat next to him. Adam won't stop touching him, and he wonders how he's ever going to let Tommy go when it's time for him to go to his apartment. He probably won't. 

Everyone in the van is quiet, and Tommy notices how they try not to look at him. 

When they reach his apartment Adam asks, "Can I come up?" Adam's eyes are still yellow, the wolf so close even Tommy can smell it. He looks at Roxy, but she won't lift her gaze. Nobody wants to help him. He doesn't know what's the right thing to do. 

Monte nods, but it could be about anything. 

He's known these people less than two months. He's one with them, but he's still the newcomer. He makes the decision based on everything he knows. "Yes," he simply says. 

They say bye to everyone, and then go to the small elevator. It feels ten times smaller than before, though, because Adam's presence is huge. They are not touching, but it doesn't matter. 

Mike and Dave are either gone or in their respective rooms. Tommy is glad because he doesn't want to explain this to them. He's told them that he's a werewolf, but they know nothing about his past. They know he's a part of Adam's pack, though. 

Adam follows him to his room, and locks the door behind him, leaning against it. 

Tommy walks up to the window, rests his hands on the windowsill, and looks out. He feels Adam move closer, knows there will be a contact soon. He wants to say something, but there are no words. 

Adam steps into his personal space, crowds him from behind, and puts his hands next to Tommy's. He doesn't waste any time, just licks and bites Tommy's neck with thorough determination. 

He wants it, whining, his whole body breathing with Adam's. 

His skin becomes sensitive, almost hurting under Adam's rough tongue. Nothing else is happening, nothing but their bodies pressed together, Adam's mouth attacking his neck. 

Then Adam moves a little, kissing the nape of his neck, pushing his head down. He cries out, so turned on he can barely stand. 

"Stay still," Adam says, and his knuckles turn white as he squeezes the edge of the windowsill. Adam kicks his legs apart, holds him close, and _moves_. 

He bites his lips, his whole body shaking. He moans when Adam cups him through his pants, squeezes. At the same time, Adam bites the mark, and the breath he's able to let out is cut short by a lick. He's about to lose his fucking mind. "Please." 

"You need it?" Adam's voice goes straight to his cock.

He nods. He can't remember the last time, can't remember ever feeling this much. 

"Okay." The word is soft, controlled, a sweet whisper that travels from his neck to his groin. He groans, panting without any restraint now. 

"Please."

Adam gets his hand in his pants, and it's so fucking warm around him he forgets everything but this, everything but Adam, everything but how it feels to be held by someone. It doesn't take long. He's leaking, so ready he's nothing but breaths and want and desire. When his whole body starts trembling, Adam grabs his waist, holds him even closer, and bites down, hard, but not hard enough to draw blood. It sends him over the edge, and he cries out, so fucking undone there's nothing left of him. 

Adam holds him long after, kissing him wherever he can reach. 

He can't find his mind at all; he just feels. He wants to be wrapped around Adam, preferably forever. 

"Come here," Adam says, turning him around, and pulling him into a proper hug. His arms are between them, and he lets his head fall against Adam's chest, right under his chin. It's a good place. He could live there. 

Adam wipes his hand to the back of Tommy's jeans, and he should probably be a little upset about that, but he isn't. Adam walks them close to the bed, and before Tommy realizes it he's lying on his back, Adam next to him, his arms and legs around Tommy. 

"I couldn't help myself," Adam whispers against his skin. "I think we needed that, though. You did. I don't want to feel bad about this."

"Then don't." He doesn't. 

"How are you?" Adam strokes the side of his face, leaning most of his weight on one elbow, watching him. 

He smiles. "Pretty satisfied."

"Otherwise?"

That makes him serious. "Like I need to learn to control whatever it is that makes you lose control."

"It's not just that." Adam leans close to whisper in his ear, "I can feel the difference between what the curse makes me feel and how you make me feel."

_Oh..._

"It intensifies things when you're into something, but mostly it's you smelling the way you do, someone I should have the right to. I want to own you, all of you. And the wolf feels the same way. I don't want to give you any right to choose."

He wants to tell Adam to claim him. He wants to give all his rights to Adam. 

"This is why I'm dangerous to you. I could. Especially right now."

Tommy touches Adam's temple, sees all the lines around his eyes, his features, the lips with cute little freckles. "I understand." He actually does. 

Adam kisses him, claims his mouth even if he can't claim his life. It feels good, safe. 

"Can I stay?" Adam asks after a while. 

He can't even imagine the possibility that Adam wouldn't stay. "Yeah." 

Adam lets out a sigh of relief. "Thank you." He moves even closer to Tommy, making sure that there's nothing much between them, all parts of their bodies touching. 

"I liked it, you making it clear that I'm yours. I don't care if it's conditioning. It makes me feel happy. Scared, too, but mostly happy."

"That I couldn't stop anyway." 

He laughs. "It's good that I like it then."

Adam kisses him, lazy and sloppy, already close to sleep. "The wolf is pleased."

That makes him feel a little proud.


	14. Chapter 14

It's a little weird waking up sweaty and tangled up in someone else's limbs. It's also embarrassing because his pants are still open, and Adam's fingers are under the waistband of his briefs. 

Tommy bites his lips because he might laugh out loud otherwise. His life has taken a somersault. He might be falling for Adam hard, and there's no way of knowing what is affecting that. 

But it's still the perfect kind of crazy, not the nightmare kind of crazy his life has been the past two years. 

He watches Adam as he sleeps, his nose twitching and his eyes moving behind his closed lids. Adam looks beautiful. Tommy's neck starts to hurt, and he has to lean back against the pillows. He can hear Mike in the kitchen, making coffee. He thinks he can smell the beans, too. 

It's a late morning. Adam should probably be somewhere already, but Tommy doesn't have the heart to wake him up. Besides, he kind of likes being Adam's pillow, even if it makes his skin icky sticky. 

There might be something wrong with his head, too. He feels too happy. 

Adam stirs, stretching a little and humming low in his throat. There's a smile on his face before he opens his eyes. "I stayed," he says, and the words make a home close to Tommy's heart. 

"Yeah." He wants to say something more, but there's too much life in him now. He can't put any of it into words. 

Adam yawns. "Do I smell coffee?" 

"Mike's making it." 

Adam rolls on top of him, and he lets his legs spread, lets Adam move between them. "You make me hungry." Adam rests most of his weight on his elbows, staring down at Tommy. 

He licks his lips. 

"This is good," Adam says, rolling his hips slowly, inviting Tommy to that soft movement. It _is_ good. He closes his eyes, tilts his head back to breathe a little better. "You're enticing, you know that? Everything you do is somehow charming, and no, it's not the curse. It's you. I have to meet your mom one day, and tell her how well she raised you."

Tommy looks at Adam. "You cannot be talking about my mother right now."

Adam laughs, delighted, his face open and happy. "You're adorable."

"No, I'm not. I have claws." He makes a face, snarling. 

"Puppy with claws. I'm scared." Adam bites his chin.

Tommy fake-pouts. "I can be scary. I can bite you."

Adam thrusts against him, the movement still soft like a wave, but it sends a shiver through Tommy's body. His breath catches. "I'd like to see you try."

He puts his hands on Adam's waist and whines. It's a long, quiet sound for Adam's ears only, and it turns Adam's eyes black. 

"God, you're gorgeous." Adam kisses the side of his mouth, and stays there, breathing the same air with him. "Want to come like this?"

He doesn't even think about it, just nods, his hands sliding over to Adam's ass, holding him closer. 

"Do you mind if I come, too?" Adam's voice is thick, heavy with want. He can't believe he's the reason for that. 

Tommy moves under Adam, meeting his thrusts with his own, and it feels so fucking good. "No. Please do. I want to see you come."

Adam kisses him, his tongue playful but demanding, and Tommy's toes curl against the sheets, his whole body shaking. He wants to come so badly. He's so, so close. 

When it happens he feels like Adam is burying himself into him, growling, almost desperate, and it makes everything even more intense, clear, satisfying. Adam swallows all the sounds he makes, kisses them away, and then breathes with him, their heartbeats slowing together. 

He feels even more sticky now, and it only makes him smile. "God..." 

Adam kisses his ear, then whispers, "I'm a little bit in love with you."

Tommy doesn't know if he wants to laugh or cry because he feels too much. 

"I can't move slower than this on my own. You have to tell me to stop if anything feels wrong, or if you doubt something. Please." 

It's too good to be anything but right. He takes hold of Adam's hair, pulls his face up so he can look at him. "I want to shower. Want to come with me?" 

"Can I touch you?"

His skin likes that thought, blood humming beneath it. "Yeah. Just keep it simple."

Adam's smile is perfect, crooked and promising. "Oh, I will." 

They sneak out of the room, trying to avoid Tommy's roommates while going to the bathroom. Adam has their towels, and they've left most of their clothes to Tommy's room, only their pants still on. 

They laugh when they reach the bathroom, unseen. Tommy brushes his teeth quickly, and Adam watches him, using his finger to clean his own teeth. He flashes a smile with a set of wolf-teeth, and Tommy tries not to choke on toothpaste. 

He's been naked in front of Adam many times before, but this is still different. He turns his back to Adam, and pushes his pants and briefs down. It's a little embarrassing because Adam's all-seeing eyes are on him, watching shamelessly. He's not what people usually call a handsome guy. He's too tiny for that, but he's nicely put together. He had no problem liking himself before. Now, his body holds so many aches it's easy to hate it. 

Adam touches his spine, lets his hand slide down to the tattoo at the small of his back. "When did you get this?"

"Three years ago." 

"Did you think you were like that?" Adam traces the werewolf with his fingers. 

He nods. "Some are. I thought I was one of them. I was too shocked to truly find out. I think I lived in a weird fog the first months, thinking that I couldn't have a normal life any more. I didn't tell anyone. I should have. I could have avoided this. I had so many chances. You have no idea how humiliating it was... He made me his personal slave."

"He's not here any more." Adam's hand moves lower over his non-existent ass. "You're your own person now."

"Am I?"

"You get frustrated with me. You don't like everything I say or do. You don't tell me everything."

"I want to."

Adam moves closer, kisses his shoulder. "But you don't."

"When the wolf is on the surface all I want to do is show submission to it."

"That's a good thing. I am your Alpha. You're supposed to want to submit to my will. The difference is that you do it freely. If you join my pack you accept my lead. If you don't submit to that you're free to go or you can fight me. I won't break your will to make you mine."

"How can you do that? You could force people to do so many things. You could force me to do so many things. You want to. How can you stop?" 

Adam's warmth circles him when he brings his whole body in contact with Tommy's. "Upbringing, the need to have good people around me who love me for who I am, the respect I feel towards people's minds, their hearts... It's a sum of so many things. I could have you, right now. And it wouldn't mean anything. It would be a shallow mockery of the real thing. I wouldn't be any better than Robert, or all those people who want to own you against your will. I want you to come to me because you want to. I want you to love me. And if you can't, I'll let you love someone else. I don't want to. It won't be easy. But I'll let you."

"I think I do," he whispers, placing his hands over Adam's on his stomach. 

Adam kisses his hair, his mouth close to Tommy's ear. "We'll see. It's too early to tell."

He nods, glad that Adam doesn't expect him to know everything at once. 

"Can I wash you?" Adam whispers in his ear. 

That sounds perfect, and he takes a step towards the shower, looking at Adam over his shoulder. "I'd love that."

Adam's hands make him feel relaxed, his touches gentle and light, not a hint of possessiveness in them. He lets Adam massage all kinks off his back, lets him kneel down and spread soap over his thighs and calves - and he even lets Adam get away with smelling him everywhere. He maybe squeals a little at one point, but Adam just laughs it off, standing up, and kissing Tommy's open mouth. "You're the most adorable person I've ever met," Adam says between soft playful kisses. 

"Adorable isn't a very manly word." He feels like complaining a little even though there's not a muscle in his body that isn't relaxed to the point of him feeling like a lazy bum. He wants to tell Adam to carry him to bed and serve him the finest coffee in the world. 

Adam kisses his nose. "I'm not sure if you know this, but you're not the manliest man I've ever met. I find it perfect, to be honest. I love your nose."

"There's nothing girly about my nose."

"I didn't say girly..." Adam pushes him against the wall with his body. "There's absolutely nothing girly about you," he says, his voice rough. 

It takes his breath away, just like that. 

Adam pulls back, not letting go, but clearly trying to hold back a little. "Yeah..."

They look at each other, and Tommy really wants to touch Adam. He wants nothing more, but he also sees the look in Adam's eyes, and how little restraint he has. "Should we go?"

Adam turns off the shower, then takes a step back. "We really should."

Tommy grabs both of the towels, and gives Adam the other one. He's never been this aware of any other person. He sees and feels Adam like he's a part of him, something that moves because he moves. He notices the muscles under Adam's skin, shifting, beautiful, full of life. He notices how thin Adam is, and how long his legs truly are. He sees it all, and likes what he sees. 

"I mostly like girls," he says, all of a sudden wanting to share things. "I've been with two guys before, one was a sweet crush in high school and the other one was just a blowjob in a bar after a crazy night on the dance floor. The last girlfriend..." He pauses, watching Adam carefully. "She was a nice Catholic girl, and I made her question her beliefs. I didn't force it on her, like she didn't force her ideas on me, but it just happened. She started criticizing everything, and told her grandmother to stop harassing us... She should've just kept it to herself, and not be so forceful. She was so shocked about all the lies, and losing her faith like that, and she kept talking to her family about it, how she wanted them to see the truth, too. Her family broke apart, and her grandmother blamed me for it. I didn't want her to go against everyone, but the old hag didn't see it that way. She cursed me. One night I woke up, and she was standing beside my bed. It was like a scene from a horror movie. She put something in my mouth, I nearly choked on it, and she kept chanting, holding me down with some weird spell. I could do nothing but lie there." 

Adam touches his arm, but he flinches back. He bites his teeth together. "I didn't tell her to fight her own family. I didn't make her do anything. I didn't even ask her to think like me. I didn't deserve this."

"I'm going to say something you're not going to like," Adam says quietly. "I'm glad she cursed you. I'm sorry everything went wrong after that, but I'm glad you're a wolf. I'm glad we found each other."

"I'm happy I met you. That's the only good thing this curse has brought me. But I could have met you some other way. You could have made my wolf."

Adam tries to touch him again, but he avoids it by taking a step back. Adam lets his hand fall to his side. "You wouldn't be you. Everything would be different."

"I would have loved to be your seedling. I would be stronger. I..."

"Tommy, you're good enough as you are. There's nothing wrong with you." This time Adam won't let him get away, just grabs the back of his head and pulls him closer. "You're good. You're so good. You'll learn. You'll get to know the wolf, and you'll know what it's like to have that strength behind you, how much it helps, how much it guides. You will be whole."

There's coldness under his skin, the kind he's never felt before. "The wolf doesn't trust me. It doesn't like me. It hates you. I'll never fix this."

Adam's other hand rubs his bare arm. "We'll fix this together. Sasha is back from a dance gig. You'll get to meet her. Have faith in yourself. You're so strong."

"I don't feel strong. I feel like a mess, like someone who can't do anything for himself. I'm always counting on others to take care of me." 

Adam pulls him into a hug, and this time he doesn't resist at all. “It shows so much strength that you're able to let others help you.”

He's rigid in Adam's arms. He wants everything to be normal and good, like the morning has been, but there's so much shit in his life that he can't hide from it. It's there all the time, no matter how perfect some moments are. 

“Don't let yourself sink,” Adam says. “Lean on me.”

“How? How the fuck am I supposed to let you take this? You can't take any of it. You can't carry any of it. I did this to myself. I could've stopped it. I should've walked away from her. I should've listen to the stupid old bitch. I should've...” He can't hold it in. Fuck this stupid shit. He wraps his arms around Adam's waist, sinks his blunt nails into his skin and just holds on as hard as he can. “I can't do anything.” Now he's crying and there's nothing silent about it. “I can't change anything. I fucking can't. Nothing.” 

Adam strokes his back, but says nothing, just stands there like a fucking rock. 

“I'm like this. And you're like that. How is there ever going to be any kind of balance here? I hate it. I hate you for being so fucking perfect.” He wants to hit Adam. He wants to tear down everything. “I can't do this. It hurts so fucking bad. I can't collect myself. I don't even know myself any more. I have nothing. They took everything.” 

“No, they didn't.” Adam touches the side of his face, his hair, the back of his neck. “You let yourself be seen in the little things. Your humor. Your bristling. Your quiet moments. Your music. Your genuine love for other people. You're here. It has to hurt because it was horrible, but it didn't break you.”

“How do you know?” He sounds miserable, but he's not sobbing any more. 

“Because I've spent time with you, because I looked inside you, because I can smell you.”

He rests his chin on Adam's shoulder. “I feel miserable.”

“I can see that. It's okay.”

“Have you ever made any mistakes?” 

Adam laughs. “Many. I'm making mistakes with you, too. I have no patience whatsoever, and I'm way too selfish about my time. I ignore things, hoping that if I don't look at them they'll just disappear. I can be a lousy leader sometimes, especially when I think too much with my heart.” 

“You have a lot of patience with me.” He sniffs Adam's neck, loving the clean smell of his skin. 

“I don't need a lot of patience with you because you don't annoy me or test me or anything. I enjoy your company, and I see reason behind your actions. I can understand why you behave the way you do.” Adam moves away, touching his face, then pulls Tommy's towel from around his waist, and uses it to rub Tommy's hair dry. Tommy lets him. 

When they're ready to leave the bathroom, dressed in their jeans, towels around their shoulders, Tommy realizes that his roommates probably know what's been happening here if they see them. He doesn't really care, though. 

Mike looks up from the couch, and hides pretty quickly that he's surprised to see Adam and Tommy straight out of shower, shirtless. “Morning,” he says and points towards the kitchen. “There's coffee.”

Adam and Tommy look at each other and then burst into giggles. Tommy pushes Adam towards the door of his room while waving at Mike who just shakes his head, getting back to his game.

“We are so busted,” Tommy says, doubling over, laughing so hard. 

“You have good friends.” Adam sits on the bed, looking at Tommy. 

Tommy glances at Adam through his messy hair. “I know.” He should have gone to them when he was hit by the curse, to his family, anyone. Instead he ran. “Thank you for giving me more.”

Adam's smile is sweet. “Thank you for taking us.”


	15. Chapter 15

Meeting Sasha is nothing like he expected. She's a sweet, smiling girl who makes him feel comfortable and happy the moment he sees her. She's also energetic and all over the place, sitting on her chair at the cafe like she owns the place. 

Adam left them alone, told him that he should take notes because Sasha knows what she's talking about. Tommy believes him. He's never seen anyone take the room the way Sasha does, and she does it in a gentle but sudden way, coaxing emotion out of people with everything she does - if she wants to. Only if she wants to. 

Tommy stares at her, mouth open, seeing her strength and her pain. She carries all of that on her sleeve, not hiding anything, and it makes her powerful. 

He yearns to understand how she does that. 

"Oooh... You're prettier than I thought," Sasha says, looking at him over the table, stirring her Coke with a straw. "Much prettier."

"Um, thank you." He can't take his eyes off her. 

"Is he a perv with you?" Her tone is conspiratorial as she leans closer. 

Tommy smiles. "Depends on what's perving."

"Any wolf stuff? Possessive nibs at people who come too close to you?" She takes a sip of her drink, eyes on him the whole time. "Can he make you cream your pants just by looking at you?"

He could be annoyed, but instead he rests his elbows on the table, leaning closer to her. "He made a bar full of people _know_ I'm his."

"Are you?" Her smile is bright and sincere. 

"Maybe."

"Oh, I like that. You have no idea what you're doing, but you can still make an Alpha lose it. You're good."

Tommy frowns. "I hope it's not that. I don't want to affect him at all. I want to learn to control whatever it is that affects him."

Sasha stares at him for a while, a calculating look on her face. "So you're serious?"

He nods. "I want to know how to... talk to the wolf, how to make it trust me."

There's something open but fleeting on Sasha's face, something vulnerable. She crosses her hands and says, "Adam told me your past has been shitty. I'm sorry about it. My start wasn't easy either. My girlfriend left me. I was almost gang raped. I couldn't hold it together and did a lot of drugs. I didn't know who my real friends were, what was real and what was the curse... It was horrible." She pauses, tilting her head to the side. "You have your music?"

"Yes, yeah, I play the guitar."

"Let the wolf come out when you play. It's the easiest way to lure it into a safe zone. You have something you love; it's primitive. The wolf... likes that. It likes the sides of you that are not so controlled, not so full of inhibitions. It wants to be a part of things like that."

"How do I learn to control the effect I have on people? Adam got threats from werewolves, and I don't want him to have to fight because of me. I want to fight my own battles. I want to be able to hold it back. I want to be invisible."

Sasha takes his hand between her own. "Oh, honey, you can't be. People will always see you, and you can't stop them from reacting. What you can do is become independent. You've seen things; you've survived things. Those things are your strength. You will always know what you've survived. Nobody can take that away. It's worse than most people can imagine, and you tore yourself away from it. That's your strength, that's your knowledge, and that's what the wolf will respect in time."

He stares at her with wide eyes. There's nothing he can say.

"We're a little different. I was already one with my wolf when I met Adam, but when I was cursed I was like you. We're not born or bitten; we're possessed, and the wolf is a separate spirit that feels like it doesn't belong. It's right. In most cases, people can't accept the wolf. It's a curse. It's cruel, and it hurts. But the wolf is a lot like you. It wants to be a part of something. It yearns to belong to you." She releases his hand, and sits back, looking into his eyes. "You have pretty eyes. I like the color and the warmth. Show some of that to it, and see what happens."

Tommy releases a breath he didn't realize he was holding. "But you do it so well. You're so in control of yourself. How do you do that? How do you affect people?"

Sasha touches his leg with hers under the table, and he jumps. "It's not so different from how we were before. Humans have mastered the art of body language. You learn to compensate the weaknesses you have, just like people with speaking defects, dyslexia, whatever. We can't be normal, but we can fool others. You already have all those skills; you just need to make them deliberate, so, so clear that the blindest person in the room knows that you are mellow, easy-going, sexy, lonely, sad, tired, loving, open, in need of privacy, whatever it is that you're feeling. Make it clear. Mostly people like to feel accepted, and that's the easiest one to use to cover all the disadvantages you have. Be honest and be clear - and lean on the strength of the wolf. It will let you, at some point."

He still doesn't understand. He thought Sasha could give him something solid: follow these steps and you'll learn to control your powers. This is just theatrics. 

"You seem disappointed." 

"I want to be normal. I thought you could teach me to be more like everyone else." He knows he's being ungrateful, but he can't help it. 

Sasha sighs. "Your best chance is to embrace everything that you are. You can't fit yourself into that box any more. If you want a box find a new one - or learn to live without one."

"How do you live with yourself then? How do you know that what you experience is real? How can you be sure about anything?" He feels so fucking frustrated. 

"To be honest, I don't understand that question any more, I can't. I know I questioned everything in the beginning, too. But that doesn't matter after a while because it's just different. You affect people, but it's your life, and that becomes the norm. You know when people actually like you, and you know when they really, really hate you. You intensify emotions, but it also means you get heart-wrenchingly honest reactions out of people. They want to share themselves, in good and in bad. They want to be close to you. It's not some kind of a love potion that makes people unaware of themselves. It's real, just so raw and true it's not polished at all." 

"But what about Adam? I don't want to make him weak." He wants at least that fixed, something. 

"Has he been weak with you?"

"I affect him. He concentrates a lot of his energy to me. He's not weak, but I make him vulnerable in a way. He wants to protect me." 

Sasha taps the table with two fingers. "And how is that different from you wanting to protect someone you care for?"

He doesn't know. He just knows what Adam told him, that the first cursed wolf was a weapon against a legendary Alpha. "My scent makes him crazy."

"Maybe because you smell like him."

"Before that. I'm a rainbow of smells or something like that. I mess with their heads."

Sasha laughs. "You're a rainbow, all right. But seriously, yes, we smell different and if the wolves don't know that it will make them a little crazy. Adam knows that. His pack knows that. Has anyone tried to attack you?"

"No." He pouts. This conversation is stupid, and he's not learning anything new, just things that feel like pseudo-knowledge. 

"I kind of wear a flag: Maldito, beware. I always tell everyone who needs to know that they should be a little careful with me, that I might make them feel things that are not so true. When you're open and honest people usually know how to control themselves. If you're not, if you try to hide, they react instinctively, and the wolves are a lot less likely to negotiate with themselves. Don't wait for the wolves to overreact."

"I'm so confused." He lets his forehead hit the table. 

"Did you think I'd give you an anonymous werewolves pamphlet, and that would be it?"

"Something like that."

"You're a little stupid in the head."

"Thanks." He wants to crawl somewhere and die. 

Sasha pokes his shoulder, but he doesn't react in any way. "Hey, it's not so bad. You can learn to live with it. There are ways."

"It looks so easy when you do it." He hits his head against the table. 

"You're drawing attention to us, darling." 

He doesn't care. The workload overwhelms him. "So, do I affect Adam? Is a part of what's between us a result of the curse?"

"Probably, but only a small part. The stronger your emotions the more you affect people around you, but it doesn't make what you feel any less real." 

"Doesn't make any sense." He grabs the side of the table and looks at her, his chin resting against the table. "Meh..."

Sasha pats his head, but doesn't say anything. 

"I don't remember most of the things you've told me."

"You will. You're not supposed to know everything immediately. Just let the wolf come out when you do something you love, and show clearly how you feel."

"This clear enough?" he asks, his whole body slumping. He actually smiles a little because he knows how childish he is. 

Sasha grins. "I read you loud and clear. So does the waitress, and the other customers, and the guy outside who isn't sure if he should come in and comfort you somehow." 

Tommy stifles a laugh, then says, "So I can either lie with my body language to cover things, or be honest, and cover things with truths that are heavier than the truths I want to cover."

"Pretty much, yeah."

"I'm not smart enough for this." He puts his hands under his head. "Take me home, please."

"I'm not your personal chauffeur," she says, fishing her phone out of her pocket. "Call Adam."

"He's not my personal chauffeur, either."

Sasha kisses the top of his head. "No, but he wants to come pick you up. He wants to know how this went, if you learned anything new, if I was able to help you at all. Was I?"

He shrugs. "Maybe. I don't know. I wanted easy answers. You didn't give me any."

"There's nothing easier than little things. People just overlook them half the time." 

"You want me to be me, but cover it up, but also be honest with my feelings so the wolves won't overreact... I see nothing simple in that."

Sasha laughs out loud, the sound asking for others to laugh, too. Tommy hears people spontaneously bursting into giggles, then sounding a little apologetic afterwards. He feels that laughter pulling at the corners of his mouth. "You're mixing it all up. It will make more sense once you start testing it - and once the wolf is on your side."

 _That will never happen._ The thought makes him a little sad. "Can you call Adam? I don't feel like talking." 

In the Mustang (Tommy likes to call it Boris behind Adam's back), he slouches on the front seat, dodging Adam's questions the best he can. He really doesn't want to talk. 

"Did you learn anything useful?" Adam finally asks, frustration in his voice. 

Tommy turns to look at him, just barely. "I learned a lot. I just don't know what to do with it. Seems like a lot of work."

Adam glances at him, but quickly steers his gaze back to Monday morning traffic. "Did you think it would be easy?"

"Easier. Methods. Something clear and solid and understandable. This is rocket science." 

Adam huffs. "No, it isn't."

"How would you know? You were born to do this. I'm possessed."

"You're a teenager, that's what you are."

"Fuck you." He kisses the tips of his fingers, and presses them against Adam's cheek. 

The look he gets is dark, but Adam says nothing. 

"Maybe I had high expectations. I don't know. Or she said too much and I can't stomach it. Either way, I can't make anything out of it right now. Except that I want to play the guitar."

Adam glances at him again. "Why?"

"Sasha said that the wolf likes primitive things. I'll give it primitive things." He pauses, touching Adam's arm. "Could you be there? To hold it back if I do something wrong?"

"Yeah, sure," Adam says, sounding a little odd. "Right now?"

"If it's okay. I want to test it. I want to know if the wolf is angry all the time, if it really hates me, too." He looks out the window, his throat tight all of a sudden. 

Adam touches the side of his face with his knuckles. "It's a good idea."

Maybe. Maybe not. He fears it anyway.


	16. Chapter 16

They go to Tommy's apartment to grab his guitar, and then drive to Adam's house. It's bigger, more private, and if something happens they are less likely to draw too much attention to them. 

In the car, Tommy keeps fidgeting because he can't believe he's doing this. As long as he's had the wolf inside him, he's rejected it. Now, he wants to make friends? 

The truth is the wolf is intriguing to him. He didn't know anything about it before, but now, it's like his totem animal, something that could give him strength, something he could learn from, someone he could lean on. Yet, it's a being of its own, with thoughts, feelings, fears. Something Sasha said stayed with him. _Show a little of that warmth to it._ He's never shown anything to the wolf but disdain. He never tried loving it a little, not even liking. He's just pushed it back, even though it was the one who kept him alive. 

"Do you love your wolf?" he asks Adam, and the way the car jerks tells him how surprised Adam is. 

Adam's smile is thoughtful and far away. "Dad said to me once: 'If you love yourself you'll be strong enough to lead others.' So yeah, I love it."

"How can the wolf be a part of you if it's still a separate being? It talks differently. It even walks differently. And I react to it differently. It makes me yield. I could never talk back to it, but I can talk back to you."

"Did you ever pretend to be something as a child?" Adam asks, turning to look at him. 

"Of course."

Adam watches him a little while longer, and then turns towards the road. "All of those characters were you. To be able to play them, you needed to root them into yourself, but they were also different. That's a little like with the wolf. It's a part of you, but it also has a mind of its own. It's like the subconscious part of you, the knowledge part of you, the one who knows and sees, but never really participates in anything unless you want it to. In a way, it's your inner voice. Our inner voice just has a way of manifesting itself."

He wants to ask something else, but he doesn't want to look at it, not when he's about to let the wolf free. "Won't I lose myself if I let it be a part of me? It's so much stronger." He looks out of the side window, feeling terribly small and hating every second of it.

"If you accept the wolf... It wants to serve you, be a part of you, belong to you. I've told you before that it wants to protect you. It's fighting me because it wants to protect you. It might not trust you, but it wants to make sure you'll be okay. You're all it has." Adam puts his hand on Tommy's thigh, and it makes him jump, but Adam doesn't pull away, just keeps his hand there, a warm, comforting presence.

He bites his cheeks, then whispers, "A lot of responsibility."

"Let's just see how it reacts to you letting it out."

After they get to Adam's place, it takes him a few minutes to get everything ready, and then he's sitting on Adam's couch, touching the strings of his acoustic guitar. "How do I even do this?"

Adam sits opposite him on the coffee table. "Just start playing, and don't try to keep it down. I don't know... be kind to it."

Tommy smiles. It's about time probably. The wolf has done nothing to hurt him. He's done all the hurting. 

He doesn't play anything he knows, just plays whatever comes to his mind, whatever comes out of his fingertips. It's nice and mellow, and he closes his eyes, resting against the back of the couch. He doesn't feel any different, though. 

"You're beautiful like this," Adam says, and there's so much emotion in those words he has to look up. "When you don't try anything."

He can sense everything Adam feels in that moment, like he's listening to some old song between them. Adam's scent is intoxicating. 

"Please, continue."

Tommy hides behind the music, too afraid of everything that's here right now. He listens to the rhythm, lets it affect his mind, lets it sink deeper into him, and he feels the wolf. 

Petulant. That's the word that comes to his mind when he sees the wolf with his mind's eye. It's not angry; it's sulking. And he realizes the wolf's out already, partly at least. It was there when Adam came to his place, in the morning when they lay on the bed. It was out when he talked to Sasha. It was there, and he didn't realize it. He hasn't pushed it down for a while now. 

He stops playing, and stares at Adam. 

"What is it?" Adam looks worried.

"Um... It actually feels like a teenager," he says, and he's laughing now. 

Adam tries to hold it, but the smile spreads anyway, wide and happy. "You feel it?"

"Yeah, I feel it. It's a sneaky bastard, too." He kind of appreciates it a little, though. 

"Tell me, please." Adam leans his elbows against his thighs, locking eyes with Tommy. 

He starts to play again. "It sneaked out. You didn't notice?"

"You mess with my head enough as it is. I can't tell everything that's going on with you, not even if you know yourself. And you tend to distract me. You're very good at distracting me." Adam touches his calf with his foot, pushing his pant leg up. "What does it think of this?"

"Doesn't..." He exhales sharply. "...care. Thinks you're stupid. I can't believe it. I can't believe it's out, and I didn't notice. And it's really annoying." 

"It's hurt," Adam says. 

"It actually thinks I'm stupid, too." 

Adam touches his fingers on the neck of his guitar, stills them there. "Give it time. It's not attacking anyone right now."

"And hear this... It thinks I'm being unreasonable. How can it even think of a word like that?" He feels anxious all of a sudden, like he might lose himself if he stays close to the wolf for too long.

"This is one of the things you get wrong," Adam says, leaning back and resting his hands against the table. "It's not stupid."

Tommy is about to protest, to say that Adam has misunderstood him, but he stops himself because it catches his attention. He sees the wolf as an animal, and even if that doesn't mean it's a lesser being he still sees it as something not-human. That's not a bad thing. It isn't. But it's not anything he knows, anything that anyone else can explain to him. It's something that reads his mind, sees his pleasures and pains, experiences his world, and he still thinks it can't understand it. 

He puts the guitar aside, and touches Adam's knee. "You're right." He gathers all the courage he can find, then says, "Can I look into your mind? Please?"

Adam is quiet for a long while. This is not something just anyone can ask from an Alpha. If they can't be strong they have to fake it, and they have tricks. They create worlds around themselves. "Why?"

"Because I want to know what it means to be one with the wolf. Because you are you, and you're strong. You've done this all your life, and your wolf knows me." 

"You do realize we only let our mates see ourselves?" Adam doesn't sound like he minds, but it doesn't change the fact that he's reluctant. There are very few rules Adam follows, but it's wise that he follows this one. 

Tommy lets go of Adam's knee, and stands up, taking a step away from the couch and Adam. He wants to be non-threatening. He wants to make it right, but he's not sure if he can. He crossed a line here. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. I wasn't thinking of it from your point of view. I should have."

"I can let you see the wolf, and how it is with me. Would that be enough?" Adam moves, pushing himself up, and he's right in front of Tommy, towering over him. 

He nods. Right this moment, he'd take anything other than Adam being upset with him. 

"Then sit." There's nothing warm about Adam now, but that's better for some reason. He doesn't feel like an intruder as much as he would otherwise. 

He sits back on the couch and waits for Adam to sit next to him. They face each other just like they did the first time they met and when Adam looked inside him. Everything happens the same, except as a mirror image. He puts his hands on Adam's knees and then looks into his eyes, willing the walls between them to fall down. 

Their eyes change, their heartbeats quickening, and there it is, the path through Adam's yellow eyes to the soul of the wolf. He's surprised to realize that he can still see Adam when it happens. He doesn't go anywhere, and he doesn't feel any different. He just sees a little more than he usually does - and he feels someone else's feelings. He sees memories, flashes of past, but most of all he just knows there's someone else there with him who isn't the same, whose mind isn't the same, and who thinks he's a bit of an asshole for wanting to do this. 

And what he gets is the knowledge that even though Adam's wolf is someone different, it's also not changing Adam's mind in any way. It's the true nature of him; his thoughts, his soul, his ideas, they are all rooted in the wolf. It makes Adam whole, not the other way around, and it doesn't try to devour anything. It co-exists. 

He pulls back, staring at Adam with wide eyes. He wants that. He wants to be able to believe in the possibility. He doesn't want to be alone any more. 

The moment feels too fragile for words so he holds his hand out and Adam takes it. He bites his lip, emotional and a little annoyed with himself that it affects him this much. It's nothing huge, yet he can't seem to take it. 

"Did you get it?" Adam asks. 

He thinks he did.


	17. Chapter 17

It's Christmas, and he should be happy he gets to spend it with his family, but it's the extended family, and it kind of makes him feel like he's trying his hardest to seem happy. He does love his cousins, though. Children are so much easier to please than adults. All he has to do is tell them stories, and they don't ask how he's doing or what he needs. 

His mom hovers over him the whole Christmas day. He caves in and calls Adam at eight after the dinner. 

Adam sounds pleased at the other end of the phone. "Miss me already?"

"Give me something that gets me through this day. I'm hiding in the bathroom." He sits on the toilet bowl, curling a strand of hair around his forefinger. 

"Wait." It sounds like Adam finds himself a secluded place, and then he says, "Don't think too much. Just let yourself be with them. You don't have to try anything. They're your family. They'll love you no matter what."

Tommy sighs. "I know. It's just so much harder to do this in real life."

"Secrets are heavy. Can't you just tell them that you're a werewolf?" Adam sounds tired all of a sudden, like he's been holding himself together and now, he can just let go. "Tell them you've found a home, and that it makes you happy."

It's an impossible truth to tell. He doesn't even know where to start. He doesn't want to tell his parents that he got cursed. "Maybe someday." 

"I know how hard it is to keep things from your family. Just be as honest as you can be." 

"It's not just that." He bangs his head against the wall. 

"What is it then?" 

He wonders how Adam can be so patient with him. Sometimes he wants to strangle himself for being so difficult. "I have nothing in common with them. Especially now. Half the time I don't know what to say. I suck at this." There are times when he just wants to scream: _I ate on the floor for two years._ He wants to show his mom the scars he has. He wants to make them see who he is. "I hate it."

"Want me to come pick you up?" 

"It's Christmas."

"It's not that big of a thing in my family. We do get together, though. You could meet my parents and their spouses, and Neil would be annoyed to meet you again." Adam sounds excited, and it makes him feel weirdly happy, like he's not just a burden but also someone important. He should know that already. 

He looks at his black nails, then bites the side of his thumb. "So what part of Christmas do you celebrate?"

"The part where families spend time together. Jewish doesn't mean _unable to have fun._ What about your atheist ass?" 

Tommy snorts. "The gift part. I've always liked that one. Got the MASH collection. I think I can die happy."

"Oh, I didn't give you my gift yet," Adam says softly. "One more reason to come here."

He feels tempted, more than he cares to admit, but it's the first Christmas in two years he's having with his family. Leaving would be a crime against the Gentle Fate who's finally letting him have something nice. "I'm good, but thanks for offering. I won't forget it."

They end the call, and he leans his head against the wall, hoping that everything would feel better in a minute. It doesn't happen, but he gets up anyway, washes his hands, then stands in front of the closed door for two long minutes. 

It's the fifth time he's been in the bathroom, hiding. He thinks his mother has guessed as much, but she hasn't said anything. She knows something has happened to him. It's clear in everything she does and how much she tries. 

Before bedtime, while they're putting the dishes to the dishwasher, his mother takes his hand and says, "Whatever it is, you can talk to me. You've always been able to talk to me, and I've always believed you. I've listened to your side of the story every time, no matter how bad other people have made it sound. Talk to me, honey. Please."

He just stares at her, scared, panicking, alarmed. He wants to pull free from her hold, but that would be beyond rude, and he doesn't want to hurt her more than he already has. "I'm sorry. I'm just tired, mom. I've had lots to do lately, and we're practicing for the New Year gig. It's nothing."

She touches his face with her free hand. "Don't lie to me, Thomas."

"I'm..." He would only be lying more, and the truth just slips out. "I'm a werewolf, and I belong to Adam's pack. I've had a hard time these past two years because I knew nothing about myself. Adam's been helping me a lot. I'm getting better, but I'm still mostly just a mess. I'm sorry I didn't say anything. I'm sorry."

"Oh..." She looks at him in a funny way, then laughs. "I thought you were doing drugs. Or maybe questioning your sexuality." She laughs again, a hysterical undertone traveling through her voice. "What am I supposed to say to this? Adam is a werewolf, too? How did it happen?"

He takes a step away from her because he doesn't know if he's welcome here any more. "It just happened. I couldn't help it. I... didn't mean it to happen."

"You're putting thoughts in my head, darling. Stop that." She reaches for him, but he steps back again. Now he's panicking for real. "The library has a section about werewolf lore," she says. "Do you want me to read about this?"

Tommy doesn't know. His mind is shutting down, and he just wants to escape the situation. "I need to go."

"Is this why you've been so different? Did this happen in Australia? Tell me, please." She grabs his wrist before he manages to leave, and holds on hard. She's surprisingly strong. 

"I shouldn't have said anything. I don't want you to get involved. I want you to be safe. Be safe, please."

"Why wouldn't I be?"

Tommy glances at the open door that leads to the dining room. He needs to get out. "I met some bad people a while ago." He needs to shut up, too. 

"A while ago? Where? Australia? Tommy, what's going on?" She forces him to face her, but he refuses to look at her. 

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. Everything is fine now, but I had a rough time before I met Adam."

She's quiet for a while, then asks, "How rough?" 

"Mom, please, drop it."

"How rough, Tommy?"

He's not going to fall apart in front of his mom. "I was pretty low in the pecking order of my pack. I survived, and Adam saved the rest. It's all good now."

She takes hold of his face, pushes his hair back, and forces him to lift his gaze. "Why didn't you tell me? Did you even go to Australia?"

"Please, don't. I can't."

"I could've helped you." It's a mere whisper. "I would've." She bites her teeth together, then asks, "Can I talk to Adam?"

This is not what he wants. "Can we just talk about this later?"

She releases him, crossing her arms over her chest. "Did they hurt you?"

He closes his eyes. "Yeah, they did," he finally says. He's not going to tell his mom that almost every bone in his body has been broken. 

"Is Adam hurting you?"

Tommy inhales sharply. "No. He's the only person I trust with everything."

"Okay." She sounds calm even though he can hear her frantic heartbeats. "I believe you. But no more secrets in this house. Life is too short for them. If you don't want to talk about this, please write me a letter. I want to know the truth. Please, darling."

He nods. What else can he do? 

She puts her hand in the crook of his arm, and starts walking towards the stairs that lead to his room. "I'll tell the others when the time is right."

He's grateful that she makes it easier for him, but he still has no idea what to say. He's somehow relieved that it's out in the open, but the more his friends and family know about things the closer they are to danger. He's not sure if Adam's protection actually includes his family. 

Alone in his bed, he finds his phone again and contemplates calling Adam. It takes him a few minutes to gather the courage.

"Are you reconsidering my offer?" Adam says, sounding a little drunk. "It's pretty late." 

"I'm a werewolf," he says to Adam like he doesn't know that already. "I told her that. I told my mom."

Adam's breaths sound harsh, like he's doing something physical. "Where are you right now?"

"In my room, why?" 

"Would you mind if I came there? I could ask Neil to drop me off." 

"What? Seriously?" He sits up on the bed, and pulls his feet under himself. 

Adam laughs. "Yeah. I'm this crazy bundle of ideas today. Would they mind?"

"You could climb in through my window." He's full of crazy ideas, too. 

"You'd like that?"

He nods, then whispers, "Yeah."

Adam gets there surprisingly quickly. They talk on the phone the whole time, Neil commenting every once in a while in his sarcastic manner, making Tommy feel like a part of the family. 

When Adam says they are nearby the house Tommy goes to the window, and he sees the car lights long before Neil pulls over to the front yard. He watches Adam get off the car, and then Neil drives off and Adam is nowhere to be seen. 

He opens the window and leans out, waiting. 

"I'm a bit drunk," Adam says, his voice quiet but clear. "The actual climbing part might get hilarious."

He shushes Adam just for the heck of it, but laughs when Adam huffs at him. 

Somehow Adam manages to get on the porch roof, and from there it's easy for him to reach Tommy's window. "I feel like Romeo," Adam says, kneeling just outside the window. "Can I kiss your hand, oh beautiful maiden?"

Tommy glances at his pajama pants and light blue T-shirt, and thinks he doesn't look the part. He grabs the front of Adam's jacket and pulls, saying, "Please, come in."

Adam stumbles into the room, laughing so hard Tommy fears they'll wake up half the neighborhood. 

He puts his hand over Adam's mouth. "My parents are in the next room."

Adam shushes himself, still laughing, and Tommy just hugs him from behind. He's so happy Adam came. 

It's one of those moments that start as something and then turn into something else. They're laughing, and in the next moment, he feels Adam's fingers curling around his, and there's so much quiet trust between them he can't even breathe. 

A terrible load gets lifted from his shoulders, and he rests the side of his face against Adam's shoulder blade. He wants to keep this, this moment, this person, this love he has, and he doesn't know what to do with it all. Everything feels too big for his skin to hold it in. 

"I'm happy to see you, too," Adam whispers, and he's grateful for that. Words make it easier. 

He bites Adam's shoulder, then smiles. "I can't believe I make you happy."

"You do."

Those two simple words put his heart at rest, and then make it skip a few needful beats. He feels light-headed. "What is this?" he asks. "What am I to you?"

Adam turns around, looks into his eyes. "I could ask you the same thing. How much of this is just you and me?"

"Does it matter?"

Adam smiles, sweet and almost ethereal, like he's not even there for Tommy to touch. "I want you to want me because of me, not because I'm nice to you or because you owe me or because I'm your Alpha or for the million other reasons that could be here in this room with us right now. It matters to me because I want it all. I don't want comfort or something sweet and short. I don't want sex. I want..."

"What?"

"Two months is a very short time to know someone, especially in these circumstances." Adam kisses his forehead, then takes a step closer to the bed. "I came here to sleep, to keep you company while you're having a rough time. Can we do that?"

Tommy tilts his head to the side. He feels a little bold, and that's why he doesn't feel like giving Adam what he wants. "This is what I feel," he says instead, and sends Adam an idea of what's going on in his mind, what he wants, and how he wants it. "I like you. That runs in my blood, and I've never felt this alive." He pauses, looking at Adam with keen eyes. "Resist this." He puts himself out there, everything he has, all those things he feels for Adam, sends a message that is so loud and clear anybody should be able to read it. "This is me trying my hardest to make you come to me. Don't let me."

He sees the change on Adam's face, the understanding dawning there, and he notices how the different emotions shape him, make him almost vulnerable. Adam lets all that show, lets Tommy watch him while he tries to figure out what's real and what's not. "I don't want to resist it," he finally says. 

"Try, please."

"You want me?" Adam sits on the bed, hiding his face in his hands. "For real?"

"Feels fucking real. Felt real when you had your hand around my cock. Feels like you own me."

"God, don't." Adam is shaking, and a part of him wants to tell Adam to do whatever he needs to do. He doesn't. 

"Can you sleep next to me? Can I touch you?"

Adam is silent for a while, then looks up straight into Tommy's eyes, and there's nothing but black staring right at him. "You're killing me."

"Please. I need to be sure."

Adam nods, and that's all the answer he gets. 

He kneels in front of Adam, and takes off his shoes, then helps him out of his jacket. 

"I'm not sober," Adam tells him, whispering. "I don't know if I have enough self-control right now."

Tommy considers that for a moment, but then says, "I don't want you to sleep on the couch."

"Fine." Adam moves on the bed so that he's resting against the pillows, then pulls the covers from under himself, and holds out his hand. "Come here."

It's so easy to let himself be pulled to Adam's side. He feels all those muscles and bones against his own body, feels Adam's thigh between his own, and he swallows, thinking that he might be playing with fire that burns deeper than anything he's ever experienced before. His head rests against Adam's shoulder, and his fingers brush his neck, and his breath teases Adam's bare skin. This wouldn't be easy for normal people either. 

"Sleep, please," Adam says, desperation in his voice. He strokes Tommy's arm, the touch so soft it's bordering painful. 

He closes his eyes, and thinks that this might be the best Christmas gift he's ever received.


	18. Chapter 18

Something tickles his neck, and he slaps it, then scratches the skin a few times. He's somewhere between sleep and awareness, but not close enough to open his eyes. The tickling returns, and he groans, trying to move away from it, but something stops him. It's a warm arm around his waist, and now he's awake because it's Adam and he's blowing on his skin, just over the mark. 

"You awake yet?" Adam asks, then kisses and licks the back of his neck. He has Tommy pinned to the bed even though they're lying mostly on their sides. Adam is a heavy weight on his back, and his leg is between Tommy's thighs, spreading them wider.

Tommy nods when he opens his eyes. The room is still dark because morning hasn't arrived yet. 

"Want me to let you go?" Adam bites the mark gently, and that makes it burn. 

Tommy gasps, surprised and a little scared of the feelings that rush through him. "It's okay. I'm okay."

Adam pushes his head down, fingers getting mixed with his hair. "I love the feel of your skin. And this," Adam licks the nape of his neck again, "drives me crazy." 

He's wanted to ask this for a long while so he does. "Why? How do I smell to you exactly?"

Adam's nose touches his skin, and he inhales, long and sweet, his breath hot against Tommy's neck. "Like I have every right to you. Like I should hold you down and fuck you raw. And it shouldn't be like this. Marking is different from claiming. You..." Adam kisses his hair. "You should be careful with me."

"You've said that before. What if I don't want to be?"

"I don't want to bind you to me. I might." Adam pushes him on his stomach with his body, spreads his legs even further with his knees, and captures his hands with his own. "It would be easy."

He's trapped, but he isn't scared. Adam wouldn't hurt him. "What if I'd let you?"

Adam bites him again, and there's something frantic about him. "Don't say that. Two months is not enough. You're still recovering. Too many moving parts, too risky." Adam doesn't sound convincing at all, but he knows Adam is right. He shouldn't be pushing the matter, especially since he doesn't even know what he's talking about. He just knows his life belongs to Adam, and there's something between them he can't explain. He should take more than a few steps back, maybe date Sisi, see who he is and what he can do. Live a little. 

Yet, here he is, panting, clawing at the mattress in Adam's hold, and he helplessly _wants._ "Fuck. I can't stop you."

"I want to bite you so fucking bad. I should be better than this." He frees one of Tommy's hands, grabs his hair, and pulls his head back so he can look in his eyes. "The wolf is not helping." Adam is breathing hard through his teeth. 

"Let me go, please. Let go." He whines when Adam twists his fist in his hair, and forces him to reveal his whole neck. Words abandon him, and all he can do is stay still, not even breathe, when Adam sniffs his neck, licks the skin there. 

Adam lets out a low, quiet growl next to his ear, and his whole body trembles from head to toe. "I'll get up on all fours, and when I do, move very slowly away from me." Every word is pronounced carefully, like he's speaking to a child. Tommy is listening. 

When Adam's weight is no longer pinning him down he slides away from under him and sits on the edge of the bed. "Further?" he asks without looking at Adam. 

"That's fine. Try to cover what you're feeling, try to hide it under something less... dangerous." Adam sounds like he's trying very hard to sound like a normal person. 

He turns to look at Adam over his shoulder. "Did I make this worse with the whole test thing?"

Adam looks like he doesn't want to tell the truth, but then decides to do it anyway. "Yes. You made it so fucking clear you want me, too, and that it's real."

Tommy shifts a little so it's easier for him to look at Adam. "Can I help in any way?"

Adam laughs. "Baby, there's nothing you can do. We need to see this through, all of it. I'm not going to claim you unless we're completely sure it's what we want."

There's something he wants to ask, but it might be just a little bit too inappropriate. "Can... I want... I don't know how to say this. Is sex out of the question until then?"

Adam's smirk is evil, and Tommy feels like flipping him off. "You'd like me to push you down and take you?"

Tommy leans back, resting his weight against his hands. "Yeah, I'd like that very much." He looks straight into Adam's eyes. 

"Come here." Adam beckons him over with one finger. 

All kinds of protests cross his mind, but he doesn't care. He wants to know. He moves closer to Adam on his hands and knees, and when he's close enough Adam grabs the back of his neck and pulls him down into a kiss. He licks into Adam's mouth, eager and needy, and he moans when Adam spreads his fingers and holds him down with more force. 

Adam turns his head to the side, panting. "Tell me you're doing this because you want to, not because you feel like you should. Tell me you wouldn't give me everything I ask."

Tommy bites Adam's neck, then whispers in his ear. "It's all you. It's never been anyone as much as it's you. I can't say no to you, but I want this. Don't bite me. Make us wait, but please... I don't want to wait for this."

"I didn't come here prepared." Adam laughs softly. 

"It's good that I've been hoping and waiting then." Tommy rolls off Adam, leans over the bed, and pulls open the drawer of the bedside table. "I'm guessing we need these." He gives Adam the tube of lotion and a packet of condoms. 

The expression on Adam's face is one of bewilderment, then he grins. "To be honest, we don't need these." Adam waves the condoms in front of Tommy's face. "It's very hard for us to get any diseases. Very."

He swallows, stealing the packet from Adam's hand and throwing it away. 

"I was expecting lube, not lotion," Adam says. "You researched a bit, didn't you?"

Tommy bites his lip. "I've had time. Less messy this way."

Adam cups his face with his free hand, his eyes intense. "I love the way your mind works."

Well, he loves everything about Adam. Maybe it's not forever, but right now, it doesn't matter. This is what he wants. "I want to know how it feels. I want you to hold me down and fuck me raw, just like you said. I want it all. You kill me with this." He takes Adam's hand, and presses it against his mouth, tracing his lips with Adam's fingers. He takes a shuddering breath. "I feel you. All the time. I know you want me, and this is not me giving myself to you. I'm taking what I want." He licks Adam's fingers, then pulls Adam close enough to lick his mouth through the fingers. "Give me what I want."

Adam is still for a few seconds, then moves so fast Tommy can't react in any way. He's on his back, spread on the mattress, Adam's hands all over his body, demanding attention. There's nothing gentle about it, yet he's never felt safer in his life.

Tommy blinks, trying to focus his gaze, but all he sees is colors. Adam rips his shirt off, then does the same to his own, and there's so much warm skin against his own he mewls, digging his nails into Adam's back.

"You need to be quiet," Adam says next to his mouth. "We're not alone. Can you do that?"

He nods, frantic and willing to agree to anything. He lifts his body off the mattress, meets Adam's with his own. "Put your hand over my mouth if I forget," he whispers quickly. "But just... fuck me."

Adam's voice is soft and seductive when he says, "I'd rather make love to you if you don't mind." Adam grabs his wrists and holds them down. He tries to bite Adam's lips, but he won't let him. "Stay still, baby. Relax." 

He tries to breathe, looks into Adam's eyes and lets Adam coax him into a soft space where there's no movement, no expectations, nothing but what they have between them. 

"Keep your hands there. Let me look at you." Adam lets go of his wrists, then gets up on his knees. He's between Tommy's thighs, but not touching him right now. Tommy whines, moving a little, and Adam puts a hand over his stomach to keep him still. "Shhhh..."

That makes it even harder, but he tries to focus because Adam wants him to. It feels incredible when he finally lets himself relax, lets himself be in the same moment with Adam. 

"Good." The wolf is there, behind that word, and all Tommy can do is stare. "Now, show me what you feel. Let it out."

At first he doesn't understand what Adam wants, but the hand that's holding him down gives him enough connection to realize it soon enough. He locks eyes with Adam, and lets his body rise, lets his mouth fall open, lets all that sexual energy rush through him and he gasps, feeling so much he can't hold in the cry. But Adam is right there, stopping the sound with his hand, and he licks the palm, panting. 

He's nothing much right now, just feelings, just heat, just desire, and it's ache and need more than anything. He wants to say that he can't take it, that Adam has to do something, but he doesn't need to because Adam puts his hand over his cock, and it makes everything better.

"I want to keep you here, like this, always. Aching for me. You're perfect."

He whines, a little too desperate and so out of it he'd do anything. He tries to say something, tries to beg for Adam to fill him, but he can't. Can't. 

Adam pulls at his clothes, and it's clear he's not in control of his movements any more. Adam growls, frustration in every bruise his fingers leave to Tommy's skin. 

"You're making this impossible," Adam says, kissing his hipbone. "I'm trying to hold back. I'm trying to be gentle with you."

He doesn't mind. He feels so good. 

"I've never had anyone like you. I don't even have to touch you, and you react. God, your scent..." 

Adam's fingers trace his muscles and bones, learning to know his body, and he arches into the touches, easy, like he can read Adam's mind. He loves Adam's tongue on his skin. 

"I can't... You have to. Please. Fuck. Adam." He's saying words, but they can't express anything. 

His thighs tense and relax every time Adam licks or bites or kisses him somewhere, and he feels like he has no control over his body. He's breathing hard, and he has to bite his hand when it gets overwhelming. His throat is tight, and his lips are dry. He licks them, throwing his head back when Adam sucks him into his mouth, the wet hotness making him groan out loud. Adam quiets him with fingers that he pushes inside his mouth, and all he can do is try to hold still because nothing has ever felt this intense. He fears he'll lose himself. It feels like it. 

And then he feels Adam's tongue on his hole, soft, wide, wet, and this time nothing stops him from tensing, from pushing against the mattress with his feet. He bites his cheeks, still conscious enough to try to hold back the sounds. 

Adam pulls back, and he looks up, stares into Adam's eyes, seeing very little, but it's enough. Adam looks debauched, hungry. And then he feels Adam's fingers circling his hole, and he grabs Adam's arm, holds it so hard his fingernails leave marks. It doesn't stop Adam from filling him with two fingers, then three, and he feels too full. It's too much. 

"Relax. Breathe. Push against it."

He tries that, and it feels better. Then Adam crooks his fingers a little and he sees fucking stars. "Fuck."

Adam strokes his thigh, and pulls his fingers out, planting soft touches every where. 

They are quiet for a moment, looking at each other, and then he feels Adam entering him. Even though it's very slow he has no time to get used to it. He can't get used to it. He feels too much, and it's nothing like anything ever before. 

Adam leans over him, and kisses away all the sounds he makes, hides them somewhere inside himself. And then he pushes the rest of the way in, holding Tommy as close as possible. 

He's trembling, and he can't stop staring at Adam, at everything, can't stop himself from taking shallow fast breathes. Adam kisses him again, entwining their fingers, and it makes his heart beat even faster. 

Nobody has ever made him feel this much. He's completely at Adam's mercy, in his hands, and what Adam does blows his mind. The thrusts are gentle and precise, and so completely out of this world he can't hold it together. For a brief moment, he tries to fight it, but Adam holds his gaze, holds his hands, and he lets it happen.

It takes everything out of him, pulls at all his strings, and makes him so open there's nothing holding him there but Adam. He lets go, trusting that he'll be safe. 

He feels everything coiling up in his stomach and lower back, and he comes when Adam bites his lower lip, kissing him right after. He's close to losing it when he feels Adam coming inside him. He thought he wouldn't feel it, but he does. He's full in more ways than one.

Adam kisses the side of his head after a while. "Beautiful."

He can't really handle the situation so he decides not to. He just lies there, kind of aching but mostly satisfied. 

"I want to fall asleep like this," Adam says. "And I want to wake up the same way."

Tommy makes a quick decision and just nods.

"You really are perfect." Adam kisses his chin, and nose, and lips. "Can you smell us?"

He can. He tries not to. Everything is too weird. He feels so much he can't handle it. "I'm freaking out a little," he finally says. "But don't move, please."

Adam lets go of Tommy's hands, then brushes his fingers through Tommy's hair, the touch lingering and gentle. "It's okay."

"I don't know this body. Everything feels so weird." He puts his arms around Adam's back, and holds him close. "And you make me feel so much."

"It's a good thing."

"Maybe."

"Do you want me to pull out?" There's something very careful about the way Adam speaks. 

He maybe should ask Adam to do that, but he doesn't want to, no matter how strange he feels. "Stay."


	19. Chapter 19

The morning after is weird and quiet. He wakes up to Adam stroking his side, and it feels like love. They are not touching otherwise which makes him think of Adam inside him, and his brain freezes. 

"Good morning," Adam whispers, then kisses his shoulder. 

He's lying on his side, his back to Adam, and his hair has fallen over his face. He brushes his hand through it. "Morning," he whispers back, smiling a little. 

He thinks it's the smile that makes Adam push him on his back and kiss him. The kiss is soft, a little chaste, and nothing more than a question. 

Tommy opens up to Adam, lets him kiss him properly, and then he's in trouble because the heat is right there, nowhere near diminishing. He grabs Adam's hair with both hands, holds him still, and then forces him to let go. Their lips part but only barely. 

Adam looks at him, his eyes a little yellow, but he says nothing. 

"Breakfast with family. You up for it?" He tries to sound light. 

It takes a little too long for Adam to smile, but when he does the tension disappears, and Tommy is grateful for that. "If you are," Adam says.

Because Adam ripped his shirt to shreds Tommy goes through his closet to find a T-shirt that would fit Adam. It takes him a while, and Adam stares at him the whole time, lying on the bed, his legs spread a little. 

He knows he should put more clothes on, but he doesn't want to, and he's even left the button of his jeans open. He knows many things, but being the center of Adam's attention tops everything. 

Tommy throws three shirts to Adam, and asks him to try them on. Adam does that, and one of them actually looks okay on him: the black Metallica shirt.

It's a little past eleven so everyone should be awake already. When they walk silently towards the staircase Adam takes his hand, and at the stairs he moves too close, so close Tommy has to take hold of the wall so he won't fall. "Careful," he whispers. 

When they reach downstairs his heart is beating fast, and he has to stare at their bare feet for a while to fix the scared little mindset he's in right now. 

"It's fine," Adam whispers in his ear, then inhales, his nose in Tommy's hair. 

The hall mirror gives him a clearer idea of how lost in him Adam really is. There's no space between them, and Adam is not even trying to stop the wolf from surfacing. It's right there, just under his skin. 

Tommy reacts without thinking. He pushes Adam into the small bathroom, locks the door behind them, takes Adam to the sink, and splashes cold water on his face. 

Adam smiles in the mirror, water dripping from his hair and face. "We shouldn't have done that. You're in my system now." Adam turns around, leaning against the sink, crossing his ankles. "Do you want your parents to meet me like this?" 

"I can't hide you," he says. He doesn't want secrets. He doesn't want to hold back anything. He takes a step closer to Adam. "You have me. I'm not going anywhere. Can't you just... tone it down a little." He looks down, then back at Adam, a smile on his face. "I'm right here."

There's a very open look on Adam's face, like he's not trying to hide anything from Tommy. "Come here." 

Tommy lets Adam pull him into his arms, lets their heartbeats mix, and then rests his head against Adam's chest. "Okay, I can do this," Adam says. 

They exit the bathroom after a while, and go to the kitchen where Tommy's mom is baking. She always tries even though most of her sweet dishes taste weird. Cooking is her forte, though, and maybe that's why Tommy never learned to like anything sweet. 

"Mom, this is Adam." He's still holding Adam's hand. 

She looks up, flour in her hair, and there's nothing but shock on her face. "Oh..." And then manners kick in, and she holds her hand out to him. "Nice to meet you, Adam." 

Adam lets go of Tommy's hand, and shakes Dia's. "Nice to meet you, Mrs. Ratliff."

The awkward silence after that makes Tommy's heart sink. He wants his mom to like Adam. This might not be the best way to make that happen, though. 

"How did you get here?" she asks, wiping her hands to her apron and then pushing her hair behind her ears. 

"My brother drove me here last night. We didn't want to wake you up." Adam looks and sounds apologetic, and it's clear he's on his best behavior. It makes Tommy hide a smile behind his hand. "I'm sorry about the unexpected visit. I usually wait for an invitation, but Tommy sounded like he really needed someone to talk to. I've been that someone for a while now, and I was able to come here so I did. I hope you don't mind."

She looks at him for a moment, then says, "You care about him?"

Tommy is surprised by her straightforwardness, and he looks at Adam, worried that he might not be up for this. 

"Yes. Yes, I do." There's no hesitation in Adam's voice, and he sounds very serious. 

Dia smiles. "Then you're welcome here. Are you hungry?" She ushers them to sit down at the kitchen table, and they do, Tommy feeling a little like a child even though he's pretty sure his mom knows what's going on between them. 

"We are," Adam says, smirking at Tommy behind Dia's back. "Very hungry."

She brings them slices of bread, butter, cheese, ham and three different types of vegetables, and tops it all with muesli and yogurt. "Eat. I need to finish this... pie. It's acting up, and I don't like it."

Tommy looks at Adam and mouths, _Thank you._

Adam just laughs, quiet and happy, and after that it gets easy. 

They eat, and every once in a while Adam comments on something, like the amount of flour Dia uses, and she just adds a little more without acknowledging Adam in any way. He also reminds her that the sugar is still sitting unused on the counter, and she bites her teeth together but says nothing. 

"Her focus is on bigger things, has always been," Tommy whispers. "Details escape her." 

"Don't talk behind my back," she mutters. "I'm trying to be all motherly."

Tommy goes to her, and hugs her from behind. "You're perfect just the way you are," he says, and means every word. He has people who love him. He loves them back. 

She stops kneading the dough. "Are you getting better?" she asks, her voice breaking. 

"I am, I promise." 

"I love you," she whispers, tears in her voice. "So much."

"I know. I'm sorry I didn't say anything. I'm sorry."

She wipes her hand to the apron, and puts it on top of his. "He's a good man."

He kisses the side of her head. "Thank you, mom."

She holds his hand a little while longer and then pulls free, wiping her eyes. She goes look for something from the fridge, and when she speaks her voice is steady again. "Everyone else went to the cemetery to put candles on the graves. They'll be back soon. Do you want to stay for dinner?" She closes the fridge door and looks at Adam. "It's okay if you do."

Tommy turns to look at Adam, too. Either way is fine with him. He's not expecting anything at this point. 

"I'd stay, but unfortunately I can't. I promised to take my mom out. It's been a little hectic, and I haven't had enough time to spend with her. But I'd love to join you some other time."

Dia smiles, tilting her head a little, and all of a sudden she looks so much younger. "I'm glad you're here. I've been so worried about him. All those calls... I knew things were bad, and he never talked to me. Everything is better now. I don't know what you're doing, but it's working. Be good to him, please." 

Tommy wants to tell her that he's right here, that he can hear everything, but he doesn't. The way she looks, it's clear she's barely holding it together. 

Adam stands up, but stays there, careful with the way he moves. "I'm happy to be here, and I will do everything in my power to keep him safe."

She laughs, a little embarrassed but happy, too. "Good. Go now. I don't want to explain this to them today. And thank you, Adam. You're welcome here any time."

Tommy kisses her cheek, then takes Adam's arm and pulls him with him. "I feel like you had a secret conversation with her right in front of me," he says, biting the smile away. "You two are annoying."

Adam kisses him lightly when they reach the top of the stairs, then pulls free from his hold. "Well, we have the same goal. It's only natural that we unite our forces." Adam sticks his tongue out, then turns around, running towards Tommy's room. Tommy follows, running too. 

It's nothing but silly games, but it makes him feel lighter than anything so far. They both laugh when Tommy grabs the back of Adam's shirt and pulls him close. 

"This is so good," Adam whispers, turning around, and pulling Tommy into his arms. "I don't ever want to lose you. You have to be careful. I want to make sure nothing bad ever happens to you again."

"We can try, but it's not possible to live in constant fear. Things will happen, bad things, but it doesn't matter because there's also this." He kisses Adam, and shows him what he feels, lets Adam tap into his reality. "I'm happy right now."

"I want to keep you that way." Adam kisses him back, holds on to his face, and _breathes_ with Tommy. "Robert is not the only one who stirs trouble. So far I've been able to keep it all out of your life, but you have to know that they're planning something. You have bodyguards. I'm sorry I haven't told you. I just can't let you walk into a trap."

Somehow he guessed it. Maybe because Adam is anal about some things, and it seems Tommy's safety is one of those things. It's weird to hear it, though. He thought he might get angry, but he doesn't. "Hey," he says softly. "Look at me."

Adam pulls back a little, his fingers caressing the sides of Tommy's face. 

"I'll be careful. And I won't... I will fight."

"I want a world where you don't have to."

Tommy sighs. He doesn't want Adam to go to war because of him. He doesn't want anyone to get killed. He doesn't want any of this. "Let's just pretend for a day that this isn't our reality. Let's go for a walk, and you can call Neil to pick you up. I really like this area. There's a park nearby, and--"

Adam kisses him, and it literally takes his feet from under him. Adam holds him up, holds him so close it's hard to even breathe. 

"Thank you for finding me," Adam says against his mouth, kissing him between words. 

They put on some warmer clothes, and head outside after saying bye to Tommy's mom. It's a bit chilly day, gusts of wind trying to steal Tommy's jacket off his body, and he closes the zipper before they leave the front yard. 

He really likes the park because it's not listed anywhere, and nobody ever goes there. It's a little wild and a little secluded, a perfect place for peace and quiet. He does realize that they are in Burbank, though, and need to be careful.

"Do you ever wish your life was completely normal, no werewolves, no fans or bands or paparazzi?" He looks at Adam, crossing his arms over his chest. He's still cold even though it's not even that bad, almost 60 Fahrenheit. 

Adam laughs, doesn't even think about it. "Never. My life would be easier for sure, but... this is what I have. This is what my life is now. I might get annoyed with some things, and obligations can be tiring, but this is what I want, this is what I love. And besides, I've always thought this is what I was meant to do. I can't help it. I've always had that feeling."

"They say all artists believe that they were meant to do it, and not everyone gets to do it no matter how much they want it."

"That's where people misunderstand things. Doing and being successful are two different things. Yes, it's nice to be recognized for what you do. It's nice to get the whole package. But... it's not necessary. If you put your heart into it you've already succeeded. Recognition isn't necessary."

"Isn't it hypocritical to say that now? We can do this. You get everything you want. You have all the opportunities. There are better guitarists than I am, and I get to do this for a living. Sometimes I wonder if I earned it, or if I just got lucky. I don't know..."

They walk past a few palm trees, and then spot a bench. Tommy leads the way, and sits down. Adam follows him. 

"Isn't it the same way with everything. You were born in a free country. Your family loves you. You went to school, and learned to read and write. You've been lucky all your life, yet bad things happen. Sad things happen. We're lucky. No matter what happens we're luckier than most people, and that's exactly why we should appreciate what we get, see its worth the moment it happens. You got lucky, but you also took the opportunity. Not everyone does that. They want and yearn and need, yet they never do anything about it. Someone better never came to the audition. You were the best."

He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees, looking at Adam. "How come you're so awesome. Be less perfect, please. Sometimes I feel like a complete fuck up next to you."

"Everything I do gets magnified in your eyes because I saved you. You don't realize that I'm controlling and needy and I have very little self-control with you. I'm also neglecting my pack at the moment. And I'm so full of rage I want to kill people, and that's not who I am at all. You don't see all that because we started this in a very odd place."

Tommy smiles. "Actually... I do see you. It's not that. It's more like... You're perfect to me. I don't mind your faults. If something bothers me I can say it. You make it so easy."

Adam leans closer and whispers, "The feeling is mutual."


	20. Chapter 20

  
_We are scanning the scene  
in the city tonight  
We're looking for you  
to start up a fight  
There's an evil feeling in our brains  
But it's nothing new  
you know it drives us insane_

_Running,  
On our way  
Hiding,  
You will pay  
Dying,  
One thousand deaths  
Running,  
On our way  
Hiding,  
You will pay  
Dying,  
One thousand deaths  
Searching,  
Seek and Destroy  
Searching,  
Seek and Destroy!  
Searching,  
Seek and Destroy  
Searching,  
Seek and Destroy_

_There is no escape  
and that's for sure  
This is the end we won't take any more  
Say goodbye to the world you live in_

Seek and Destroy by Metallica

About four in the afternoon the next day, while he's out with Roxy and Sisi, his two favorite girls, he gets a glimpse of what's been going on behind his back the whole time. 

They are at Farmer's Market, out in the open, enjoying their drinks, the girls eating cupcakes the size of balloons, when Tommy gets a phone call. 

He gives no thought to it, just answers with his full name because it's a number he doesn't know. The person at the other end says, "She's just a human. Do you have any idea how easy it would be to snap her neck?" And that's that. The call ends. 

Tommy looks around, trying to notice any suspicious behavior close by, but he sees nothing, just families, lovers, and friends spending their Sunday together. He doesn't even smell other werewolves.

He looks at Sisi, fear gripping his heart. She's smiling and talking with Roxy, her whole face full of sunshine. 

Roxy turns to look at him. "Who was that?" 

"Wrong number," he says, swallowing. They are being watched, and he's been warned. There's one thing he can do without bringing any harm to the girls, though. He puts his hand casually into the pocket of his hoodie and pushes the panic button. He's glad Adam made him take it, and he hopes Adam isn't too busy to notice it - and even if he is there's someone else who will. There always is. 

He takes a sip from his drink, trying to think of a way out without anyone getting hurt. They could stay in crowded areas; Roxy's little pink car isn't that far away. But he has no idea what's going on. They could be surrounded. Silver bullets could drop them easily. 

"What say you, Tommy Joe?" Sisi asks, leaning over the table. "Hotter: Starbuck or Number Six?"

"What?"

"Galactica, dear. I say Starbuck because of awesome badassness." She beams at him, and he chokes on his drink. 

Roxy raises her hand. "Boomer for me, please."

He just stares at them, panic spreading fast. He wants them out of here. He has to warn Roxy somehow. He takes a risk, and says, laughing and hopefully looking like he's trying to keep everything hidden, "Laugh when I say this: Roxy, take Sisi out of here any way you can. We're in danger." 

Sisi's face falls only for a second, and then she's laughing, too. Roxy leans back in her chair, relaxed and easy, but the wolf in her surges forward. "Can't scent anything," she whispers.

When Tommy's phone rings again they all jump. It takes him a few seconds to calm his mind, then he answers it. "What do you want?" he asks. 

"So, you told them. Not very co-operative." He doesn't recognize the guy's voice so he guesses he's from the hunter pack. 

"I did. Let them go. I'll do what you ask."

"But it's such a crowded place. You could run. It would be crazy of us to kill anyone here. What would the humans say? They and their police."

Tommy bites back a snarl. "All you have to do is cause a commotion. A fire maybe. People running and screaming." To snap her neck would be so easy, like they said. "What do you want?"

"You're easy meat. Don't you feel at all like running? We could chase." 

The panic is gone, adrenaline flowing in his veins now. "Just let them walk away."

There's a silence at the other end, then softly spoken words: "I like the picture you painted more."

He glances at Roxy and Sisi. Their blood would be on his hands. "I'll run," he says. "I'll put up a fight. It'll be worth it."

"I'll count to ten."

"Promise me you'll let them live. Promise." 

The laughter is almost kind. "If they stay put, and no calling for help. Deal?"

He curses the panic button to hell and back, then says, "Deal."

"Run!"

Tommy's chair crashes down, and then he's running faster than ever before. He calls for the wolf, asks for its help, but he feels nothing. He's on his own. 

He runs out of the market and towards Santa Monica Boulevard. He has no idea where to go or how to save his ass. He just hopes Sisi and Roxy will get away. That's the only thing that keeps him moving. He can't even imagine what they'll do to him when they capture him. He's seen a lot, but his pack still cared about him in some ways. These people want nothing but harm him. 

When he can't run any more he follows people to the open-air mall, trying to stay in the middle of the crowd. He knows he can't hide his scent, though. His kind is rare. 

His phone rings. He fishes it out of his pocket, and it's the same unknown number. He picks it up. "What?"

"I can almost taste you." 

Tommy gives frantic glances at everything around him, but there's nothing there. He's panting. "Where are you?"

"Are you sure we left? Maybe I'm about to taste _her_ blood. Maybe you could've done something."

He wills his mind to calm down, tries to breathe, but he's never been this scared for anyone else before. He hopes they'll come for him. He hopes he can get his hands on them, no matter how easily he'll go down. "Fuck you," he says, and his heart skips a beat because he sees them. They are stalking him, walking almost beside him, only the people between separating them from him. It's so easy to spot them because they all have bright red hair - shaved from the sides, spiked, long - all kinds of styles but deep, deep red, and they're dressed in leather. A fucking biker gang of werewolves. 

The one with the phone winks, and Tommy runs again, trying to buy Adam enough time to get there, to get the pack there, to do something to save their asses. 

He moves past people as quickly as he can and then dives into a hamburger bar, crashing into two huge guys while at it. He doesn't stop at the counter; he just walks in like he works there, and goes through the kitchen to the backrooms, looking over his shoulder every other second. "Fuck," he mutters. He needs to do something about his scent. He really is an easy prey. 

They are not right behind him because maybe, just maybe, they want to make it last, too, and a part of him swallows down more fear. A thought slips into his mind, a dangerous one that makes him shiver. What if it's a trap for Adam? 

He finds greasy clothes from a laundry basket, and changes into a t-shirt that smells worse than the trash cans outside his apartment. There's a baseball cap on top of the rickety table that's close to the door he's going to use once his ready. He just hopes nobody is there for him already. 

The cap hides the smell of his shampoo and hair products, and hopefully the shirt keeps them off his trail for a little while longer. He throws his own shirt to the furthest corner of the room, hoping it will distract them. 

Tommy sneaks out of the back door, walking fast, turning corners and opening doors, no idea where he's going. Soon, he finds himself from a dark room, no light switch anywhere, all windows gone like he's underground, and he can't even remember going down any stairs. His heartbeats seem louder in the darkness, and the sounds his feet make scare him shitless. It's fucking stupid. He should be able to see in the dark. His wolf is somewhere close, not quite there, but nowhere beneath his subconscious mind, either. 

He keeps moving forward, hand touching the wall the whole time, giving him an idea where he is. And then he fucking chokes on a scream because something touches his face, something sticky and soft. A spiderweb? His mind goes to Black Widows and nasty bites, and there are phantom spider legs all over his neck. 

He's so close to losing it he has to lean his back against the wall and just breathe. "Fuck," he whispers. He never thought this would happen. He never believed for a second that they'd come after him for real. He thought that his ass belonging to Adam would keep them at a safe distance. "Get going," he says to himself, to the darkness around him. "Move, you stupid shit. Move." 

It's not going to be any kind of a fight. There're at least six of them. He's going to go down so easy, like a hot knife through butter, nothing stopping them. He pushes himself off the wall, his legs shaking, part fear, part lactic acid. 

He needs a door. He needs fresh air. He's going to lose his fucking mind here. 

There's nothing much in him but the need to get out. He moves as fast as he can, holding his hands in front of himself, trying not to bump into things while frantically looking for a door. 

When he finds it his brain shuts down for a second, relief washing over him too fast. If it's locked he'll scream for real. He tries it, and it won't budge. Nothing fucking happens, and he kicks it, tearing at the handle, horror crawling under his skin. "Just. Fuck. Open."

Then he pulls at it, and he almost falls on his butt because the jerk back is so sudden. He lets out a scared little hiccup of a laugh because this kind of stupidity only happens in movies. 

The day is almost gone, but there's still so much light his eyes hurt, and he has to close them for a second. When he opens them there's someone he doesn't know standing right in front of him. There's a growl in his throat before he can stop it, but the guy puts a finger in front of his own mouth, and he holds his tongue. The guy doesn't have red hair, and he's not dressed like the others. 

The guy notices his hesitance, and while Tommy is still trying to process the situation, he puts one strong hand on Tommy's shoulder and pushes him against the wall, whispering, "Adam is our leader. We're here to protect you. Sebastian is with the girls. I'm Landen." 

"What do we do?" He hates himself for not knowing. He has no fucking clue. 

"Try to get you out of here. Their methods are ruthless so we couldn't move until the girls were safe. You did good."

He ran. He was so fucking awesome. 

"There's a car a few blocks away. Can you run?"

Tommy nods. 

"Adam said you can't shift at will, is that still true?"

Of course it is. He nods again. 

"Okay... Keep close to me." 

Landen could probably run twice as fast as he can, but he stays in step with Tommy, scanning their surroundings with a practiced eye. Tommy doesn't feel any safer. This only makes him see how real the threat is. 

He's wheezing in no time, trying his best not to slow them down too much, but it's a hopeless fight. The adrenaline is wearing off fast now that there's someone else with him, someone who knows what he's doing. 

Landen leads them to narrow alleys so they're not such easy targets. Roof tops, street corners, doors and gateways, Tommy is looking at all of them, and then he hears it. Time stops because there's no other explanation for the slow motion feel to his reality. It's a gunshot. Landen falls with a growl, and shifts right in front of Tommy. He took the shot. He fucking jumped in front of Tommy and took the shot. 

He can't believe his eyes, all the blood, and the wolf at his feet, snarling, hanging its head but standing, still trying to protect him. Tommy looks around, his instincts telling him to get the fuck out of there. He's not going to leave this person. He's one of Adam's. 

But what can he do? 

Someone claps his hands. "Bravo." 

Tommy knows that voice, the same one he heard on the phone. The guy is standing on a fire escape, two storeys high, holding a gun. "I was hoping he'd be stupid enough to do that." He jumps down, landing softly like a cat. "We haven't been formally introduced. I'm Carl. Nice to meet you." He fucking bows, and Tommy bares his teeth, anger flaring so fast he can barely hold it down. 

Carl sniffs the air. "I like that almost as much as the smell of your fear."

"Why are you doing this?" 

"For our entertainment," Carl says, spreading his hands. 

It's then that Tommy realizes the rest of the hunter pack is behind him, and his heart sinks to his feet. Landen the wolf lets out a warning sound, crowding Tommy against the wall, keeping himself between the others and Tommy. 

"Why are you still here?" Carl points the gun at Landen. "One between your eyes, and you're gone. Bang!"

Tommy swallows. "Go. They won't kill me. Leave now." _Get help,_ he adds in his mind. He scratches the wolf behind its ear, then says one more time, "Go!"

Landen takes a careful step towards Carl, then goes past him, slow at first but running once he's far enough. 

He's alone with monsters. None of the horror movies prepared him for this. 

Carl closes his eyes, then turns around so fast he's almost blurry to Tommy's eyes. Another gunshot fills the night, and Tommy hears the whimper, a soft painful sound that cracks his mind. He leans against his thighs, breathing so fast he's close to fainting. 

When he finally turns his head to the left there's a wall of werewolves in human forms waiting for him. They are not far away, and they could be on him in a few seconds. He still chooses to move. 

Tommy lets his body lead. He might not be a fighter, he might not be strong, but he's single-minded. There's no fear, no hope, no thoughts, just the need to hurt, and he holds nothing back, everything in him ready to strike. He doesn't care about survival, just causing as much pain as possible. 

His lack of self-preservation is the only reason why he gets so close, why he manages to hurt Carl, why there's no bullet wound in him. He goes down only after someone hits him hard enough to almost knock him out. 

He lies on the ground, groaning, blood spilling over his face. The pain is so familiar he welcomes it. Someone kicks him in the stomach, but that's it, nothing more happens. He curls into a ball anyway, protecting his head. 

"Someone must have called the cops," one of the wolves says. "We need to go."

"Tie him up first," Carl says, a cold edge to his voice. "Unfortunately we can't afford more surprises right now." Tommy feels him nudge his thigh with the tip of his shoe. "Make it tight. The little fucker is agile." 

He tries to fight, but one sharp claw against his throat stills him, and they tie his wrists and ankles together, the rope so rough it starts to peel off his skin immediately. Then one of them hoists him up on his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. It's humiliating, that's his only thought. 

Then he hears the scream, and the person holding him drops him, leaves him there lying on the ground. He tries to twist his neck enough to see what's happening. At first, he can't make anything out of the darkness, but then he sees black fur, recognizes Adam. His heart is in his throat the second he makes the connection. Carl and his gun with silver bullets flashes past his panicked mind, and he screams at the top of his lungs, "He has a gun." 

Carl is right there, pinning him to the ground with a knee on his back, saying, "Yes, he has." And he fires. Adam is faster, though, and he dodges the bullet. It's pure luck, but it doesn't matter because he's running straight at them - and stops. The world stays still for one terrifying second, and then Tommy feels the barrel of the gun at the back of his head. His heart stops for a second, then starts racing like a dog with rabies. 

"Come closer, please," Carl whispers gently. 

The pack gathers around Adam, half of them in wolf form, one of them lying motionless in the shadows. 

"Give me a reason."

Tommy watches as the wolves attack Adam, and he lets them, takes it all, looking at Tommy the whole time. They tear open his side, kick and claw and bite him, and he does absolutely nothing to stop them. He doesn't even make a sound. 

Tommy bites his teeth together. _Help me help him._ He needs the wolf. _Help me help him. Please._ Adam's eyes are closing. _Help me help him._

The shift is so quick it surprises Carl, makes him lose his balance, and that's enough for Tommy to grab his throat and bite down hard, the wolf in him hungry for blood. The sounds behind him cease, and the silence is horrifying. 

He gets on his feet, the ropes gone, still pinning Carl down, tasting blood. He gives a warning bite, and he hears the gun drop from Carl's hand, and the pack takes steps away from Adam. He fucking knew it. It's a pack, and they care about each other. They care about their Alpha. 

Adam stays down, not moving, but still breathing. He can feel Adam. He can feel his heartbeats. He needs Adam to get up, needs him to create a getaway plan. He got as far as this. 

Sirens. 

It's as big of a threat to them as it is for the hunter pack. They need to get out of there, right the fuck now. 

And then there's Monte and ten others, and more running to their direction, most of them in wolf form. The hunter pack backs away. Tommy doesn't release Carl, though. He wants to kill. The wolf wants to kill. They almost killed Adam. 

"Tommy, no." It's Monte. "We'll deal with it, but you're not a killer. He doesn't want you to be." 

Carl smells like fear and excitement, and it makes Tommy sick. How can he still be excited? Balir breathes with him, shallow breaths, nostrils flaring. It would be so easy. He bites deeper, his mind going dark. He wants it, the blood in his mouth warm and delicious. 

"We have to go," Monte says. "The police is almost here."

Tommy thinks about Landen, the girls, Adam... He lets go, growling, and Carl shifts the moment he's free, disappearing into the darkness. 

He shifts back to himself, helps Monte carry Adam as they run to the cars. Someone has taken Landen's body already, and a part of Tommy wishes he hadn't let Carl go. 

It's not over, not even close.


	21. Chapter 21

In borrowed clothes, barefoot, he sits in the quiet car, Adam's head in his lap.

Tommy can't stand the silence. It tears his heart open, rips him to tiny shreds, yet there's nothing he can do except hold on to Adam as they drive through the night, his hands coated with Adam's blood. 

The smell of it is overwhelming. 

Adam's fur is soft, and he realizes he has never touched Adam in his wolf form, not like this. He should've asked Adam to shift. He yearns to know the wolf, too, every single part of Adam. He almost lost his chance. He's not even sure if he already did. Adam is unconscious, and nobody knows yet how badly he's hurt. They need to get home. 

The car is full of people, but he sees no one. He hears nothing but Adam's heartbeats. He concentrates on them, dying a little every time something changes in the rhythm. 

"The second bullet trashed Landen's spine," Monte says to him while on the phone with Sutan who's in one of the other cars driving behind them. 

The words reach the part of him that can still understand things, and hope spikes in him. It's not a head wound. Silver bullets kill werewolves for sure only if shot through the head. 

"He's breathing, but Sutan says there's not much hope." 

Tommy reaches out, takes Monte's free hand into his own for a second, so fucking sorry he can't even say a word. It's his fault, all of it. Monte doesn't seem to think like that, though. Nobody seems to blame him even though Adam is fighting for his life, and one of their pack members is as good as dead. He can't understand these people. 

He doesn't even want to think about what will happen if Adam dies. What will happen to the pack? What will happen to him? How can he ever face Neil again? Adam shouldn't have let the hunter pack hurt him. Tommy is not worth all this. He wishes for the millionth time that he had killed Carl. He's not a killer, but this is the one time he could be. He bites his teeth together, pain and anger and despair all mixing inside him. 

"Stop it," Monte says. "Your emotions are leaking out. You're hurting us."

 _Fuck._ He tries to pull everything back, under a heavy lid, behind a facade, but it's not working. 

"Don't fake it." Monte touches his shoulder. "Let go for now. You can't do anything at the moment. Once we get home I can use your blood. I can help him, but just, don't give me a headache."

Tommy smiles ruefully. "Sorry."

There's a cloth around Adam's middle, pressuring the wound there, but that's all they've managed to do. He's lost a lot of blood. 

"Is Adam stronger because he was born a wolf? Is it harder to kill him?" He can't believe he's asking something like that. He wants to know, though. He needs to know. "Tell me it's harder to kill him. Please." 

Werewolves heal faster than humans, and it's a lot harder to kill them, but a wolf can easily kill another with its claws and teeth. Fights to the death are not common, but they happen. And Adam took a bad beating. 

"Tell me he's gonna be okay."

"Lover's blood," Monte says, matter-of-fact. "I can use yours in the potion, and his heartbeats are strong. He'll survive."

Tommy sighs, slides his hand over his face. He's so tired. "I'm so sorry about Landen. So sorry." He wants to know everything about Landen, wants to apologize to everyone who's close to him. "He took a bullet for me. Why? He didn't even know me."

"Because Adam asked him to protect you with his life." Monte leans back in his seat. It's a minivan with seven seats at the back, four people behind them, and Roxy sitting at the front with Sisi, hugging her against her chest. Someone Tommy doesn't know is driving the car. How can there still be family he doesn't know? How can he not remember all their names? He should. They'd die for him. "Landen is ex-SEAL," Monte continues. "He got turned on a mission, and Adam saved him. He'd do anything for Adam. You don't know us. You don't know how this pack works. We are bound to him, and the pain you feel is the same pain we feel. If he dies we die. Of course we'll find something. Of course life goes on. But it won't be the same. We won't lose a leader; we'll lose the soul. And he'd give his life for you so we'd do the same. It's that simple."

He understands better now what Adam meant by _You're not alone in this world any more, and you can't think about yourself only._ He's responsible for these people, for their happiness. 

"Why my blood?"

Monte gives him an odd smile, sad but sly at the same time. "There's power in love. It would be stronger if you two... well, if he'd claimed you already, but it's still very strong."

"You wouldn't mind?" he asks, curious and wanting something else to think about. 

Monte looks at him with an expression that tells him how ridiculous he thinks the question is. "You can handle him. He's happy with you. Anyone within a ten-mile radius can smell that."

 _Uhhuh..._

"And when he wakes up you need to calm him down. He's not that hot-headed, except when someone hurts his loved ones. We have ways to handle this, and his way will be over the top unless we can persuade him into trying something else."

Tommy looks at Adam, the head resting on his thigh and the legs that tangle over the seat. He loves Adam as a wolf, too, and that thought chokes him. "You're sure he's going to be fine? You weren't just saying that to make me feel better?"

"Yes, I'm sure. I wasn't at first, but listen to him. He sounds like he's sleeping. He's healing already. It means once I get the potion done he should be fine."

"Can you do anything for Landen?" 

Monte looks out the window. "Maybe. If he survives the ride."

"Do you ever go see a doctor?" He hasn't seen a doctor since he became a wolf. All his wounds have healed on their own. 

"No point. Every pack has at least one person who can fix all kinds of things. We have many. There are people at the house, getting everything ready for us, for me. But if the body stops fighting we can't do anything. It will die."

Adam's hasn't stopped fighting. "Can we make someone fight for his life? Can we force their heart to beat, hold it in our hands and pump life into it? Can we do anything humans can?" He thinks about Landen in the other car, Sutan sitting next to him, helpless.

"Sometimes. But there's no science behind it. Either it works or it doesn't, and there's nothing you can do if it doesn't. There are no mistakes you can fix for the next time. It depends on the person who's hurt, how far gone they are." Monte looks so sad Tommy has to tear his gaze away. 

The rest of the way he doesn't dare to open his mouth, and Monte says nothing, either. When they get to Adam's house everyone gathers around them as they carry Adam inside, and there are people inside, waiting for them at the door. 

They lay Adam down on his bed, and without hesitation, Tommy lies down next to him. He can't let go of Adam, not right now, and the closer he is the better he feels. 

Monte goes to the kitchen, but Roxy and Sisi stay with them, Roxy sitting on the divan next to the bed and Sisi standing beside it. Sisi is shaking visibly, but her voice is strong when she says, "We need him to shift back. It'll be easier to give him the potion." 

Tommy leans over Adam, careful with his wounded body, and whispers in his ear, "We'll take care of him now. You can rest." 

Nothing happens at first, but then the shift starts, slow at first but speeding up soon after. Adam is bloody and bruised, and the cloth around his stomach is not tight enough to hold the blood from pumping out. Tommy quickly gestures Sisi to bring him the first aid kit from the table but she's already there, reading the situation. 

He's never done this before, but it doesn't matter, somehow he knows what to do. Sisi helps him lift Adam, helps him put enough pressure on the wound, and then tie the bandage around Adam's stomach and back. There's blood everywhere, but not so much that they should be worried. At least Tommy doesn't think so. 

Tommy fixes the bed, pulling the covers from under Adam so he's not lying in a bloody spot, and then he grabs a few woolen blankets from Adam's closet and covers Adam with them. Then he checks the bones of his face, the bite marks on his body, and all the other wounds that might need some kind of care before the potion. 

"I'll go check on Landen," Roxy says after a while, and leaves the room without another word. 

"She dated Landen for a while." Sisi sits on the bed, and touches his shoulder, looking at him. "What about you? You're with Adam now?" 

Tommy can't read Sisi's expression at all, but he hopes there's nothing bad between them. "Yeah. Yes, I am."

There is sadness in Sisi, but it could be there because of many things. It hasn't been the best night of their lives. "I'm glad. He deserves someone like you, someone good."

"Thank you." Tommy takes Sisi's hand. "You're awesome, you know that?"

Sisi smiles, then nods. 

Monte comes in with a novelty mug full of potion, says to Tommy, "Cut yourself with this," and throws a pocket knife to him. 

In the movies, people usually cut their hands, but in the real world those wounds keep opening all the time. He cuts his left forearm, pushing deep enough to get to the vein, and gives the knife to Sisi before taking the mug from Monte. "How much?"

"As much as you can fit in there."

He fills the mug, then gives it to Monte, and asks Sisi to bandage his arm. "How are you going to wake him up?" Tommy asks Monte. 

"Smelling salt should work."

"What if it doesn't?" 

Monte shrugs. "Then we put a needle into his arm." 

Tommy sits on the bed and takes Adam's hand. "Please, wake up."

The smelling salt takes a terrible breath out of Adam, and for a second Tommy fears it tore his lungs, but then Adam opens his eyes, and there's recognition and love in them. "God, you're okay," Adam croaks, and Tommy brings the novelty mug to Adam's lips.

"Drink this, please. It will make you feel better." He's just glad Adam is himself, that nothing distorted his mind, that he remembers Tommy. He didn't even realize how much he'd feared that Adam wouldn't be Adam after the attack. 

Adam empties the mug, like he's done it a million times, and maybe he has. Maybe werewolf cubs learn to drink their potions the same way human children learn to drink warm juice when they're sick. 

"How are you feeling?" Monte asks. 

Adam makes a face. "Don't ask." He sounds better, though, and Tommy wants to touch him everywhere to make sure he's really there. 

"When will you make a statement?" Monte is standing beside the bed, his back rigid and his face somber. "The pack needs your guidance more than ever."

Adam nods. He tries to sit up, but there's no strength in his arms. Tommy helps him. "Give me two hours," Adam says. "Gather everyone to the Moon Hall."

Monte sighs. "Are you sure? We have a gig in four days."

There are new lines on Adam's face, and his makeup is nothing but black smudges under his eyes. He still manages to look like he knows what he's doing. "Just do it. I'll be fine."

Monte bows, and it's the first time Tommy sees one of Adam's wolves show any kind of submission to him. Monte looks at Adam for a while after that, then says, "Landen won't live through the night." 

Adam bites his teeth together, closing his eyes. "I'll talk to Silvia," he says. "We'll take care of her."

"I'm sorry," Monte says before walking out of the room. Sisi kisses Adam's cheek, pats Tommy's arm, and then leaves, too.

Tommy doesn't want to ask, but he must. He has to know. "Who's Silvia?"

"Landen's wife," Adam whispers. 

"No... Don't ever do this, please." Tommy touches Adam's face, kneeling beside him on the bed. "Please. Please. Don't make anyone..." He can't talk any more, tears running down his face. 

Adam looks at him for a long while, then says softly, "I never ask anything lightly. We live for each other. I can't be everywhere all the time, and I can't sacrifice myself, or I shouldn't... I will for you." Adam pauses, entwining their fingers. "They choose this life. We live in peace most of the time, but our lives can be dangerous. And Landen was a soldier long before he became one of mine. His heart belongs to service. He lived for it. It was his choice. Don't feel bad, be proud. You were his last mission."

Nothing comes to his mind after that, nothing at all, no answers, no thoughts, no arguments. He's so exhausted. He curls next to Adam, and puts his arms around Adam's upper body, gentle and quiet, closing his eyes. "Don't ever die," he says before he falls asleep.


	22. Chapter 22

There are two things that own Tommy's soul: Adam and music. Those two get mixed when he wakes up to Adam singing close to his ear. He doesn't recognize the song so he guesses Adam is improvising - either that or his music taste is way wider than Tommy thought. It sounds like a lullaby even though he's trying to wake Tommy up. 

"I'm here," he says, stretching his arms and legs, lying mostly on his stomach. Then he remembers what's been happening, and his whole body stiffens. "How are you?" He doesn't dare to look at Adam.

"Like someone crushed my bones in a mortar." Adam sounds serious, but there's something soft about his words as well. 

Tommy opens one eye, turning his head a bit, too. He feels silly, but he fears that if he looks at Adam he will disappear. What he sees takes his breath away. 

Adam is lying on his side, the blanket barely covering his lower body, but it's the look on his face that steals Tommy's words. Adam looks tired beyond anything he's ever seen, yet his eyes are for Tommy only. It's love, and desire, and belonging. Adam is hurt, but it means nothing to him. "Yeah," Adam says like he's reading Tommy's mind.

He can smell it, too, the happiness Monte was talking about. It twists his heart, creating an ache inside him, the kind that wants to stay forever. He reaches out, touches Adam's nose and lips, fingers gentle like a whisper. 

"I want to be with you," Adam says. "Do you know what that means?"

He doesn't know anything. The things he thought he knew were all lies. "Tell me," he says, letting his hand slide over Adam's bandaged side. 

Adam smiles. "A life time," he says, like that's an explanation.

He listens to Adam's steady breaths, his strong heartbeats, the way his skin hums against his own when he strokes Adam's arm. "Okay." 

Adam looks baffled. "What?"

"If you're asking... my answer is yes." He's never been this sure about anything. 

Tommy wants to laugh because that was not what Adam expected him to say. It's all over his face, in the funny half-smile and the goofy look in his eyes. "But..."

"I don't care. We're old enough to know these things. The sex is amazing. You let me be. I can tolerate all your horrible traits." Adam pouts, and it's almost too adorable for Tommy to continue, but he does. "I don't want to live without you. I can if I have to. But I don't want to."

"You'd be my Beta. You'd lead the pack while I'm gone." 

Tommy thinks about it, what it means to lead a pack this big, how much he would have to learn to be able to do it. "That's scary," he says, looking into Adam's eyes. "I'll do my best."

"It intensifies everything between us. Everything. And it will never get easier. It's a physical ache, a real scar you'll carry inside you the rest of your life."

"So I'll hurt when you're gone. You too?"

"Yes. And I can't be with you all the time. I have wolf-duties, and I'm kind of a rockstar, too." Adam makes a funny face like he's trying to think too much, and he's only crashing into dead-ends. 

Tommy touches the side of Adam's face, showing everything he feels, letting it all out. "I love you. It already hurts." 

Adam just stares at him. 

"I'm okay with pain." He kisses Adam's forehead. "I'm okay with forever, too." He wonders how many times he has to say it for Adam to truly understand he means it. 

"I fell for you when I looked inside your soul. You have no idea how crazy it made me that he had hurt you. The things he did to you... and I had to watch him hurt you... It... I... And to let you have your freedom, your will to do whatever you want... I wanted to tie you into me. I want to... I don't know. I want you to be mine."

Tommy thinks Adam might be a little dense. "I am."

"You'd give me everything?" Adam looks like he still can't believe it.

"I already have." He takes hold of Adam's chin, and pulls him into a kiss. It's warm and delicious, and he's missed it so much. "You made me take care of myself," he whispers against Adam's mouth. "You've made me stronger. I'm strong with you. I'm happy here."

"I'm nothing but weak with you," Adam says, tracing Tommy's lips with his own, then biting, sucking, searching. "But if we do this we'll share strength. You'll have parts of me. I'll have parts of you."

Tommy moves even closer, careful still, not wanting to hurt Adam. He buries his face into Adam's neck. "I want to belong to you." 

"Not all wolves mate. My parents didn't, and they loved each other very much. It's not necessary." Adam holds him close, his body speaking a completely different language. Tommy feels the current under Adam's skin, the _need_ , and he understands why Adam is so reluctant to let go.

He breaks down all the walls between himself and the world, vulnerable to the core. He pulls back, locks eyes with Adam, and lets the wolf out. "We need you," he says, sounding nothing like himself but still more real than ever before. Tommy lets Balir talk. "Nobody cared about me." It's all it wants to say, but Tommy asks it to continue. "Please, love me."

Adam pulls their foreheads together, his hand touching the mark at the nape of Tommy's neck. No words come out of him, but Tommy feels it, the peace that's never been there. Contentment. He knows Balir feels it, too. Their home. "Marry me," Adam whispers. "Be mine. Please."

He nods, sputters out something that sounds like, "Yes."

"I love you. Both of you." Adam kisses his lips, sloppy, needy, and not at all sexy. And it's the best kiss he's ever received. It makes his blood flow faster, the rhythm like sex, like _mating_ , and he wants to belong to the wolf, too. His heart settles to a safe place where he's wanted, loved, needed, and the kiss tastes like forever.

Adam groans after a while, pulling pack, pushing Tommy's hair behind his ears, his thumbs caressing Tommy's cheeks. "Do I have to be an Alpha right now?"

Tommy tries to calm his breaths, bites Adam's lower lip because he's a fucking tease, and says, "Yeah, we really need to get you dressed. Can you fake it?"

There's a deep frown between Adam's brows. "I can't probably even stand."

Tommy moves a little to see how bad Adam looks - and gets distracted by the hands that slide over his thighs. His heart flutters because that look is nothing but promises of dark long nights. He pats Adam's hands away and gets up. They need makeup to cover the worst of the bruises, and layers of clothes to hide how close it really was. They'll smell it anyway, but a little show won't hurt anyone. 

"What are you going to do?" Tommy asks as he goes through Adam's closet, looking for suitable clothes. He picks a pair of black leather pants, a white frilly shirt, and a dark red jacket that'll reach Adam's knees. He'll look like a pirate. 

Adam has been quiet for too long so Tommy turns to look at him. "Fess up. I won't let you go to war because of me."

"I'm trying to find other ways to deal with this than mayhem and massacre, but it's hard. I want to... I don't know... unleash my wrath. So yeah, I don't feel like I'm fit to lead at the moment." Adam hides his face behind his hands. "I know I'm supposed to summon the council. I'm supposed to let the pack who's wronged mine speak. I'm supposed to listen to them. And I don't want to. I want to kill every last one of them. I want to destroy the whole pack. I want... you safe. Landen revenged." 

It's the first time Tommy sees Adam's darkness. It's vast and vengeful and barely under control. He drops the clothes on the bed, watching Adam, his heart an offering when he says, "You have me on my knees. You own me. It's because you try harder than most people. Try. You'll find a way."

They stare at each other, and Tommy feels Adam's wolf, its hunger for blood. If Adam was in his full strength he'd be in front of Tommy right now, pushing him down. No need to push. He'd be willing. 

He's standing absolutely still, waiting, his heart choking him a little. 

"The hunter packs are small. Do you know why we haven't hunt them down?" It's the wolf speaking, and it's not pleased. 

Tommy shakes his head. 

"They live by a code. If you hurt one they come after you and your family. Carl has seven with him, but if I chose to wipe them out the other packs would attack me and my own. Fair fight, especially if they attack... that would be okay. I could kill him, and nobody would come after me. But if I go against him, if I decide to destroy them..."

Tommy sighs. "It's a good thing I'm with you, then." He gets on the bed, moves closer to Adam on all fours, letting his spine arch with each movement. "I won't let you kill them." He kisses Adam, kisses the wolf, and sharp teeth scrape his lips.

The wolf pulls back, eyes intense and deep yellow. "You're hurt." A gentle hand touches the gash at his hairline. He'd completely forgotten about getting hurt, someone almost knocking him out. It starts to hurt, and he whines under the touch, part show, part real, so under the wolf's spell he can't stop himself.

"I'll listen to you," the wolf says after a while, fingers still brushing his wounded skin. 

"Thank you," Tommy says, closing his eyes. "I won't let you down."


	23. Chapter 23

The Moon Hall looks like a throne room to Tommy with its high ceiling, chandeliers, and fancy chair on a dais at the back wall. He wonders just how much of a "royal" Adam actually is. 

The entire pack is there waiting for them, and they walk hand in hand to the dais, the pack giving them way, their silence comforting rather than unpleasant. 

Tommy tries to act as though he's not helping Adam, and once they get close enough for Adam to sit down he holds Adam's hand up, touching it with his forehead and making sure that Adam gets enough support that way. Tommy stands between Adam and the pack when he winces with pain, his hand ghosting over his side before he pulls a mask over his face. 

He doesn't let go of Adam's hand, just stands beside the ridiculous chair and waits. 

"We've been attacked," Adam says after a long silence. "What do you want?"

"Blood," everyone howls, and Tommy's heart starts pounding fast. He feels the rhythm of their hearts, and he realizes they are all beating at the same time. His is the same. His blood surges with them. 

"You know the law. The council has been contacted. I have to let him come forth and explain himself." Adam shows how much he doesn't want to follow the rules. 

"They don't abide to the law," someone yells, Mina, the curly haired girl who looks so very young. They all want war. Tommy feels their anger, their frustration and fear. He could have stopped this if he had killed Carl. He wishes he hadn't listened to Monte. 

Adam leans forward, pulling his hand free of Tommy's hold, resting his elbows against his knees. The effort the movement takes out of him is invisible, but it's still there, in the way his breath catches just for a second. "No, but we do. We do."

The pack quiets down again, waiting. Tommy puts his arm on the back of Adam's chair, holding his breath like so many others. 

"Silvia..." Adam's voice gives in, but he pulls himself back together quickly. "Silvia is with Landen. The end is very near. They took one of ours; we have a right to one of theirs."

"Carl!" the pack yells. 

"It's his decision. He's the Alpha; he chooses the one."

Snarling, the pack surges forward, all wolf, only the human facade left. Some shift already, their patience running out. 

The main doors of the Hall open, and everyone turns to look at the newcomers. It's the hunter pack, and the only thing that keeps the wolves from attacking is Adam's calm: "Welcome."

Carl walks in front of his pack, not in the middle, not anywhere safe. There's only eight of them against Adam's full pack of over eighty members. Carl looks calm, dressed in red button down shirt, black vest and pants, and biker boots that clink against the floor every time he takes a step forward. 

When he reaches Adam and Tommy he drops on one knee, and bows his head, his right arm against his chest. 

"Is he mocking you?" Tommy whispers in Adam's ear, bewildered. 

"Not really, no," Adam says, then turns his attention to Carl. "Rise."

Carl stands up, tilting his head to the side. "Hello, Adam," he says in a quiet way. "I'm glad you're okay."

Tommy takes a step forward without thinking, but Adam stops him with a hand raised to the level of his waist. 

"Care to explain why you attacked us?" Adam asks, his voice full of disdain he doesn't even try to hide. "Landen will die, and I'm sure you can smell the blood on me."

"Your boy seems to be fine, though," Carl says, looking at Tommy, his gray eyes sharp and intelligent. The teeth marks on his throat look angry, and it's clear he hasn't done anything to make them heal faster. He takes hold of the collar of his shirt, and shows the marks to Tommy. "Respect."

Tommy bares his teeth, but lets out no sound. He's not going to react unless Adam lets him. 

"Are you going to explain anything?" Adam asks again, impatient. 

Carl gives him a long cool look. "You were going to kill us off."

"What?"

"You've been spying on us. You've been planning things in that pretty little head of yours. Little birds told me interesting stories. Didn't want to wait for you to off me first."

Tommy looks at Adam, but nothing on his face reveals what he's thinking. What the hell is going on? 

Adam leans back in his chair, so much fury in his body it comes out in clear waves. "Who told you what?"

For a second, Carl looks startled, unsure, then he points at Tommy. "His old pack leader told me you're furious, and that you're planning on destroying the packs around Burbank because of what happened to him. Everyone's joined him, everyone who matters. We don't give a fuck. But I just thought that maybe it was true because I've smelled you around, I've seen your lackeys. They haven't been careful enough."

Adam grinds his teeth together, wolf in his voice when he speaks. "Tommy moved back to Burbank. I had to be sure you wouldn't think that he's fair game. He's not. He's mine. But you don't give a fuck. I had to know. I never, _never_ once thought that I should get rid of you."

Carl is quiet for a while, then says, "How do I know you're not lying? It seems like I've been lied to, but by who? I don't like this."

"I have every right to declare war. I have every right to kill one of yours. Why would I lie to stop that from happening? Look around. They want your blood. Why would I stop them from having it? Give me a god damn reason why I would be lying?" Adam stands up, every bit of him ready to fight, despite his wounds. 

"Because you know it wouldn't end there," Carl says matter-of-factly. "There's another hunter pack in San Diego, and another in San Fransisco. We take care of our own."

"You murder people!" Adam snarls, teeth bared. 

"We hunt. Sometimes someone gets killed if the hunt blinds us."

"You shot Landen," Adam steps down one of the stairs of the dais, Tommy following him. "You didn't have to. You killed him."

"And for that I'm truly sorry." Carl bows his head again, and it has to mean something because he's an Alpha, too, but Tommy is too angry to care. He's quickly losing control, just like all the others, just like Adam. They are all following him now.

Adam stays on the last stair, towering over Carl, barely holding the wolf at bay. "Say something that has value to me. Give me something so I won't let them rip you to pieces."

Carl doesn't flinch, but he's not indifferent either. They don't want to die. "If what you're saying is true I have a bone to pick with someone else. I'd like that hunt very, very much."

Tommy stares at him, mouth open, shocked and dazed. Carl would hunt down his old pack? 

"How's it going to be?" Carl asks, holding his hands behind his back, baring his throat. "Kill us, and look over your shoulders the rest of your short lives, or let me get rid of one of those bastards who poison our good name." 

Tommy feels the pull of Adam's wolf, _revenge_ singing in his blood, and he takes Adam's hand, holds it, just holds him, and slowly the madness subsides. 

It's clear when Adam lets go, everyone breathing on their own, the hive mind gone. 

"What would make you believe that I'm telling the truth?" Adam asks after a while. 

Carl lets out a sigh of relief that tells Tommy he's human after all. It's so quiet nobody else probably noticed it except Tommy and Adam. "If you let me look into the mind of the commander of your pack."

Monte walks up to them, nods to Adam, and then Adam says, "He accepts this. You're only allowed to look at this matter - not try to push through the walls of his mind. Is that clear?"

"Crystal."

They both sit down, legs crossed, close enough that Carl can put his hands on Monte's knees. The Hall is eerily silent, the pressure of everyone waiting for the outcome heavy on Tommy's shoulders. 

When it's over Carl gets up first, then holds his hand out to Monte, but he doesn't take it, just moves out of his reach and stands beside Adam. 

"I apologize," Carl says. "I won't be bothering any of yours again, and I'll put a good word for you to the other hunter packs as well. I can't promise anything, though."

Adam extends his hand, and Carl stares at it for a while, not reacting, shock evident on his face. Then he slowly grabs Adam's hand, and shakes it. "Say hello to Kathy," Adam says. "She's not pleased."

Carl makes a face, then lets go of Adam's hand, somehow reluctant to do so. "Get better," he says before he turns his back to Adam, his pack following him as he walks out of the Hall. 

When it's over Tommy doesn't know what to do with himself. He's so full of anxious energy. "Who's Kathy?" he asks Adam, whispering because he doesn't want to show everyone how little he knows about things. 

Adam kisses his neck, then whispers, "The head of the LA council and Carl's mother."

That shuts him up. His knowledge of things is so fragile he could make a million tiny mistakes that could destroy the whole pack. He needs to seriously study this shit if he wants to be with Adam. His head is spinning because Adam hasn't moved, hasn't pulled back, and he's nuzzling at Tommy's ear, soft coaxing nudges asking something from him. 

"What?"

"Take me home."

"Okay," he says, stunned and a little happy, and kind of moved, too, like he belongs to Adam more already, like this is their life now. Together. "I will," he whispers, kissing the underside of Adam's chin.


	24. Chapter 24

Landen's funeral is on the next day. 

They go to the canyons, to a sacred place where Silvia will give the ashes to the wind to carry. She hasn't said a word to anyone, not even to Adam who hugged her and told her he would always take care of her. Tommy didn't even dare to look in her eyes, but he apologized even though he knew it meant nothing to the grieving widow. 

The bus ride is quiet, everyone deep in their own thoughts. The weather is gloomy, too, but there's no rain. The world is just gray. 

Adam sits next to him, his hand on Tommy's knee. "Will you ever let go of your guilt?" Adam asks, soft lips behind his ear, leaving warmth. 

"Maybe one day," he says, leaning to Adam's side, letting him pull him close. 

"You've always done your best, and your best is amazing. I'm so grateful you're strong. I could've lost you to all the things that have happened to you. You've chosen to deal. I'm so proud of you."

Tommy sighs, the pain in his heart real and violent. "I'm trying. I promise to try always." He sometimes wakes up screaming, his skin on fire, fear rushing through his veins until he remembers where he is. Adam is only now sleeping with him in the same bed. He hasn't seen the worst. Tommy doesn't want him to see it, but he's not going to hide anything, either. And maybe one day, there isn't anything to hide any more. 

"She doesn't blame you," Adam whispers, lips touching his hair. "She has a similar way of seeing life as Landen had. She's here to serve. She acts as my bodyguard sometimes."

"I just want her to know that I don't take his death lightly, that I don't think I'm more important. I want to give her a little peace." He breathes in Adam's scent, loving how familiar it is to him now. 

Adam pulls him even tighter against himself. "You can give only what others are willing to take. She needs time."

"I know." He closes his eyes, and hides his face in Adam's jacket. "I want things to be easier. I want everyone to be happy. I want to concentrate on good things. I'm so tired of misery."

"We'll be remembering him. It's not about sad things only. It's about the life he lived, the friends he made, the people he loved. It's about us celebrating the fact that we knew him. That will give her solace."

He feels the tears behind his eyelids, tries to hold in the sadness. "I wish I'd known him. It feels like I took away someone you all loved, and I knew nothing about him. I'm sorry."

Adam puts his hand over his ear, pushes his hair back, gentle. "You're a good person, but sometimes you should let go. You don't deserve all the guilt you carry. None of this is your fault. If you want to blame someone blame Robert or me for ordering Landen to protect you. Don't do this to yourself. Please."

Tommy tries to let go, but he doesn't know how to do that, where to even begin. Everything is so messed up inside him. 

Then he feels another hand in his hair, and he looks up, startled. 

It's Silvia, her dark hair falling to cover most of her face as she leans close to Tommy. "You make me miserable with your emotions," she says softly. "I have enough to carry on my own. This is not your sorrow. I don't need your guilt. You survived. He didn't die in vain." She returns to her seat, and all Tommy can do is stare, his mouth open. 

Adam puts two fingers under his chin and pulls him into a kiss. It's nothing but a light touch of their lips, but it brings Tommy back to the moment, back to Adam, and pieces inside his mind fall to their places. "I didn't lose you," he says, lips ghosting over the corner of Adam's mouth. 

"I'm going to love you for the rest of my life," Adam says. "You have the right to be happy about that."

"I don't know how to be happy and sad at the same time."

"Life is a little bit of both all the time." Adam kisses a trail to his neck, then bites him there, and his breath catches. "I'll try to give you more happiness every day."

He gets himself as close to Adam as he can without climbing into his lap, and just stays there, not thinking of anything. He wants peace, too. 

The funeral is every bit of what Adam said it would be, everyone telling stories about Landen, people laughing and crying and sharing their hearts. Silvia holds on to the urn, hugging it against her chest, and when it's time she walks a bit further away, opens the lid, and lets the ashes slip through her fingers, the wind and the earth taking what was once hers. 

They stand in silence for a few minutes, remembering, and then start walking back to the buses, Adam and Tommy at the lead, Silvia by their side.

When they get home it's past midnight, and all Tommy wants to do is go to sleep. A lot has happened in a few days, and he hasn't had enough time to process everything. He needs rest. Adam holds him close until he falls asleep.

A few days go by in a daze as he tries to get used to his new life. He still has his own apartment, but he doesn't stay there, only gets more and more clothes every time he visits, and finally Adam asks him if he's ever going to move in. 

"Can I have it a little while longer?" They're sitting at the kitchen table, eating a light snack before bed. Their day has been long, rehearsals for the Gridlock concert, Adam meeting friends, and him staying at home, playing the guitar because he felt like it. 

Adam tries to hide the hurt, but Tommy sees and feels it anyway. "Of course, but why?"

"This is going to sound so ridiculous to you..."

Adam takes his hand, holds it down against the table. "Tell me."

He shrugs because this is one of those things he knows most people don't get. "I need a lot of space. I haven't had my own space for long, and I fear that if I let go of it now I'll become a part of you and nothing of my own."

"Oh..." Adam looks surprised. "We won't be able to live separately, though."

"I don't want that. I want to be with you all the time already, but I want the feeling that if I need it, I have a place that's completely mine. Maybe one day I don't need it, but right now, I feel suffocated if I even think about giving it away."

Adam's thumb draws circles on Tommy's hand, but it seems like he's doing it without realizing it. "Okay. Keep it."

Tommy smiles. "You mean it?"

"Yeah. If you haven't noticed I'm butter in your hands. Please don't use it against me." Adam sounds serious even though his tone is light.

He leans over the table, waits for Adam to meet him at the middle, and then he kisses Adam, happiness bursting out of him, and he can't help smiling against Adam's lips. "You'll of course be my personal slave," Tommy says softly. "I'll make you wear a collar when we're at home. I'll show you your place. You'll have to call me master and shit."

Adam growls, climbing over the table and into Tommy's lap, and he's heavy but Tommy doesn't care one bit. "You little shit," Adam says between bites and kisses that slowly turn Tommy into a panting mess. 

When he's ready to let Adam do anything to him Adam pulls away, kisses his nose, and then gets up. "Not before the wedding." He's looking down at Tommy, his pupils blown. "I wanna wait."

"What?" He's holding the edge of the table, his knuckles turning white because what the fuck?

"You can wait for a month, can't you?" Adam is grinning now, like the cat that ate the freaking canary and all the milk in the house, too.

"What?" His vocabulary has clearly reduced to one word. 

Adam moves closer, and whispers in his ear. "I'll make you scream my name, and then I'll bite you."

A noise close to a whine leaves his mouth, and he buries his face in Adam's neck. "Please."

"I know," Adam says, soft and sweet. "You smell like sex."

"Fuck you." He bites Adam's neck, sucks a mark there, and then lets go, pushing his chair back. "I'm going to sleep."

Adam doesn't try to stop him, just clenches his hands into fists.

After the Gridlock concert on New Year's Eve Tommy feels like he was meant to do this, like performing and music and Adam together make him whole. 

It doesn't change the fact that they are in a terrible condition the day after, and it has nothing to do with alcohol and everything to do with the potion Monte made for them so the full moon wouldn't stop them from performing. They can't get out of the bed. They can't even breathe without hurting. And Tommy whines against Adam's side, hiding his face in Adam's armpit. "Kill me," he whispers, his head pounding so bad he fears something might break. 

Adam kisses the top of his head, but says nothing, and Tommy falls mercifully asleep right after. When he opens his eyes next the sun is high up on the sky.

"I never want to stop the change from happening again," he mutters, feeling like the whiny-whiner that he is. 

"Shhhh..." 

Tommy bites the soft part of Adam's arm, and it's a bad move because Adam only needs to roll on top of Tommy, and then there's no breath left for him. He's completely crushed under Adam, his face somewhere close to Adam's chest. "Unfair," he breathes out, hands sneaking to Adam's sides to tickle him. Another bad move. Adam squirms on top of him, and that makes his dick interested. He grins, then bites at one of Adam's nipples because he can. 

"Fucker," Adam says, pinning him down, hands captured above his head and legs under Adam's heavy ones, nothing for him to do except move as much as he can, to try to shake Adam off. Adam bites his lips, sucks his tongue into his mouth, taking him apart bit by bit until he's nothing but pliant in Adam's skillful hands. 

"We could've slept through this," Adam says, shifting his lower body, spreading Tommy's legs with his knees. Too much warmth trashes his mind, and he moans into Adam's mouth. 

But Adam leaves him, moves away, and he looks up, frustrated, cupping himself through his briefs. "Come back here." It sounds nothing like the threat he wanted it to be. It's a plea. He's begging like a little bitch.

"Not before the wedding." Adam's smirk has returned, the evil one that makes his eyes look like he knows all the secrets in the world and he's not sharing any of them. 

"Fuck the wedding," he mumbles to himself, groaning. Adam and his stupid ideas. The next full moon is a month away. He doesn't want to wait for that long. 

Adam sits on the edge of the bed, the bandages gone, his side almost healed already. "It'll be so much better, I promise."

"How do you know? You haven't done this before." Now he's pouting, and it must be a good look on him because Adam hasn't throttled him yet. 

"I know because waiting sucks, but rewards always taste better that way." He kisses his fingertip, and touches Tommy's forehead with it. "You'll see."

He huffs. "Alright." He's not going to make it easy for Adam, though. He gets up, pulls off his briefs, and walks to the bathroom, showing just how stupid he thinks this waiting-business is. He feels Adam's eyes on him, and it feels good.


	25. Chapter 25

January is nothing but promotion, parties, and trips, and at the same time they are supposed to arrange Adam's birthday party (on 29th) and the wedding (on 30th). Tommy is ready to drop dead half way through the month, especially since he's not getting any. Adam is not giving in, no matter how much he tries to make him lose it. 

He's never worn this few clothes, ever, not even as a child. He's shirtless most of the time when they're at the house, and he wears very little to bed. Still, he gets nothing. 

The frustration makes him cranky. 

The wedding is going to be small, just the pack, their families and closest friends. It still means over a hundred people. Tommy's never done anything like this, and it's going to be held at the canyons, too. They'll have tents and bonfires and catering. He's not sure how it all will fit together, but he trusts Leila and Adam and Roxy and Sisi and... God, everyone is planning his wedding. 

He hasn't yet even called his mom. 

Sitting at the corner of the couch, picking at his nails, he stares at Adam who's watching some stupid reality show about little kids in beauty pageants. 

"Call her," Adam says, not looking at him.

"She's gonna freak out." He bites the side of his thumb.

"She loves you." 

He takes his phone from the coffee table, and finds the right number. "What if she--"

"Call. Her."

Tommy glares holes into Adam's head, but says nothing. He taps the damn number and waits.

"Sweetie," his mom says, all excited and happy. "How are you? How's Adam? When are you coming over?"

He swallows. "Um... We... Adam... Uhhuh." He looks at Adam, hoping for support, but all he gets is a crooked little smile. 

"Yes, dear?"

"We're getting married," he blurts out, then adds, "This is an invitation. Please come."

She's silent for a long while, so long that Tommy's hands start to sweat, but then she starts screaming to the phone, and he has to put it to an arm's length. _She went nuts,_ he mouths to Adam who gives him the thumbs up. 

"Mom, are you there?" 

She's laughing. "Your sister's here. I just told her. Wait... I'll go to the balcony." She wants privacy which means questions. He closes his eyes, resigning to his fate. "I read an interesting book about mating," she says like it's the most natural subject ever. "Some wolves mate for life, and so do some werewolves. Are you going to do that? The book had interesting pictures."

"Mom!" He's sure he's red from head to toe. His mom probably knows more about mating than he does.

"Don't you mom me. I had to listen to you wither away for two years. You didn't talk to me. You didn't tell me anything. I almost lost you, and he brought you back. Let me be happy for you. Let me be a little nosy. Please."

Tommy sighs. "Alright."

"Can we have grandchildren?"

"Um..." He's a fucking lobster now. "You know I love children. Probably, somehow."

She laughs again, and she sounds so happy it's worth every embarrassing question. "So are you?"

"What?"

"Going to mate for life? That's so romantic."

He looks at Adam who's clearly eavesdropping - and laughing as quietly as he can. _Fuck you,_ he mouths, then says to his mom, "Yes, we are. I love him."

"I know. I'm happy for you. And baby, you chose well."

That brings genuine fucking tears to his eyes, and they are so sudden and surprising that he's lost for a moment. Adam takes his hand, and he looks into Adam's eyes and sees nothing but love. "Yeah, I did."

"When is the big day?" she asks, and after that they talk about the practicalities of the wedding day, and what's expected of the guests, and how they'll arrange everything. He also gives her Leila's number because she deserves to have someone with whom she can gossip about them. 

Finally the call ends, and he can slide the phone far away from himself. He crosses his arms, but says nothing. 

"Admit it. You love her quirky nature." Adam pulls at his fringe gently. "It makes you happy that she's bold enough to get involved."

Tommy makes a face. "I hope she doesn't think male werewolves can have babies."

Adam laughs and laughs and laughs. There's no end to it, and Tommy tries to hold his face straight, but he can't. Yeah, he loves his mother. He really does. 

"She's such a sweetheart," Adam says after a while. "She could've gotten upset about the whole gay werewolf thing, but all she cares about is your happiness. Awesome mom award so belongs to her."

He knows. He also knows she still blames herself for not doing anything to help him earlier, when he actually needed it. This is where he got his overly developed sense of responsibility. "She loves you, too. Be prepared for the same treatment. You'll get awkward questions, too."

“I can't wait.”

Tommy gets the biggest and weirdest surprise one morning when he's out with Sutan (yes, they started bonding over suitable makeup for the wedding), and Carl walks into the cafe. His red mohawk and biker getup make him stand out from the rest of the customers, and people eye him suspiciously. 

Tommy snarls before he can stop himself, but Carl acts as non-threateningly as is possible for him. “I want no trouble,” he says, stopping in front of their table. 

Sutan drops his fork. “You're drawing attention to us. Sit down.”

Carl finds a free chair and pulls it to the head of the table. 

“What do you want?” Tommy asks. “Keep it short.”

“I came to ask you something.” Carl leans closer to Tommy, quiet and careful. “This won't be easy for us, but we'll follow your wish. Do you want to spare any of them?”

Tommy's heart stops, his thoughts returning to Tara, the only person from his old pack whom he still misses sometimes, the only one who took care of him when he was too sick to do anything for himself. “Tara,” he says. Then he remembers all those times when Robert made the others hurt him. They enjoyed it, but they rarely initiated it. “Everyone... I don't know.” He doesn't want a responsibility like this. “Let them choose if they want to join our pack, if they want to... God, why are you asking me this?”

Carl shrugs. “Because you could've killed me, and you didn't. I owe you. I won't give you Robert, but the rest, you can have them.”

He has no idea if he even has the right to offer what he just did, letting them be a part of Adam's pack. There's no pecking order, but people would not take lightly what they did. His pack cares about him, and people who've hurt him are their enemies. But he doesn't want their blood. He doesn't need it. “Let them go. Scare them if you want to, but let them go... especially Tara.”

Carl smiles, baring his teeth. “You're too kind for your own good.”

“I don't give a damn what you think.”

“Maybe. What about Robert, do you want to meet him one last time? Anything you want to say to him? Any old scores you want to settle?”

Tommy wants to hit Carl, and he clenches his hands into fists on the table. Carl is right, though, he wants to say something. “Yes.”

“Good,” Carl says, getting up. “I'll call you when we have him.”

Adam doesn't like the idea one bit, especially since Tommy wants to meet him alone. “He hurt you,” Adam says. “No, they both hurt you. At least take Monte with you.”

Tommy is not sure if he wants anyone there, but he finally agrees because trusting Carl would only be stupid. He lets Monte drive him where Carl said they would be waiting for him. It's one of the shadier neighborhoods in LA, full of abandoned buildings, homeless people, and gangs. 

“I don't like this,” Monte says, smelling the air. “He's an asshole. This might be his idea of fun, luring us in here and never showing up, letting some mob get us. 

“Adam said he's many things, but he's not a liar. He'll be here.” Tommy heads to the street corner where they're supposed to meet Carl and his pack. It doesn't take long for them to appear from one of the buildings, Robert with them, a sack over his head and a rope around his wrists. 

Carl bows in a mocking manner, touching his forehead with his right hand fingers and then spreading his arm wide. “He's all yours for five minutes. Be good to him. I want him to be able to run.”

The pack gives them room, backing away, and Tommy takes a few steps towards Robert, his heart pounding in his chest. He pulls the sack off, Robert blinking his eyes as they adjust to the light. 

"Hello, Robert," Tommy says, remembering how, before, he didn't have the right to speak until he got a permission. He can't believe he was once that person. 

Robert stands tall, his hands tied behind his back, his hair a mess. "You let others do your dirty work?" he says, smiling. It's a kind smile, his voice as soft as his eyes. 

"You chose to cross the wrong people, not my problem. I don't care what happens to you. I only want to tell you two things." Tommy moves closer, careful still because he knows how fast Robert can be. Hands tied or not, he's still dangerous. 

He's scared, too. He almost feels like a child next to Robert, but it doesn't matter. None of it matters. He'll get over it. "I would have stayed with you if you had treated me right." He lets the words sink in, loves the way Robert can't hide the confusion. "And I'm so fucking happy you didn't because now, I have everything." 

Robert hisses through his teeth, eyes narrow and cruel. "You can't live without someone telling you what to do," he spits out. "You need rules."

He nods. "You're right."

For a split second he thinks Robert will go for his throat, but before he can do anything, Carl takes hold of Robert's hair and pulls his head back violently. "I think this little meeting is over." Carl's eyes are burning, a little mad but still focused enough that he can give Tommy a weird smile. "I hope we'll never see each other again."

Tommy agrees. He takes a few steps back, never taking his eyes off Carl and Robert.

"Have a nice wedding," Carl says, then tears off the rope that held Roberts hands together. He pushes Robert forward, once, twice, and when he's still not running after the third time he says, "If you don't run I'll keep you alive for a very long, painful while." 

Robert looks at Tommy for one last time, then turns around and starts running as fast as he can. 

They give him a good head start, waiting, waiting, waiting, impatience clear in the way they move about restlessly. Tommy and Monte won't stay to see what happens next. It's time for them to get out of South LA.


	26. Chapter 26

A few days before the wedding Adam goes to Canada. It's nothing new - Adam is gone all the time - but it's still somehow different. It hurts somewhere below his heart, like there's a hole inside him, and only Adam can fill it. 

They talk on the phone that night, lying in their respective beds, and Tommy tries to explain how he feels. 

Adam listens to him for a while, then says, "Balir's missing me."

Tommy blinks. "I've never felt the wolf's feelings before, not like my own."

There's a short pause before Adam says, "I've been waiting for this to happen." Adam sighs, and it sounds like he's relaxing more, resting against the pillows, maybe even switching the lights off. "Close your eyes," he says softly. 

For some reason, his heart speeds up, but he does what Adam asks. 

"Find your center, the part where you two have always been connected, the part the curse violated. Trust me. This won't hurt you."

He feels stupid, but he lets himself sink deeper inside to find the place Adam is talking about. In his mind, he goes through his body from head to toe, and he realizes his never felt this whole before, like he owns himself completely from toenails to the tips of his hair. He's real, all of him. It makes him want to laugh, but he ignores the feeling and continues further. Everything is a bit weird because his mind doesn't seem to be in his head but everywhere around him and in him. He's not that limited. He's more. 

"Can you find it?" Adam asks, that same soft tone making him feel happy and relaxed. 

He thinks about it, then says. "It's kind of everywhere." He's not sure if he should feel disappointed that he can't pinpoint his center. 

"Oh my God, baby..." Adam chokes up, but forces himself to say, "You're whole. You did it. Somehow, you did it. Oh my God..."

Tommy laughs, uncertain at first and then a little more confident. "I did? The wolf is me now? You sure?" He laughs again, testing how it feels on his tongue. "I thought... I thought it would change me into someone different. I'm me... just more."

"I know." Adam still sounds choked up, like he's desperately trying to hold back the emotions. "Balir is you."

Now there are tears in his eyes, too, but he can't stop laughing. "How?"

"You care about people, about things, about life, about experiences, and you turned that same curiosity and love towards yourself. It's that simple."

He's a mess. He doesn't even know how to be still, and he has to sit up. His hands are shaking. "There were so many times when you could've made me feel bad about the wolf. You never did."

Adam breathes in, then whispers, "I've been crazy about you the whole time. The wolf, the whole package... I've tried to be patient with you, but I've seen you all along. I see you. God, I love you."

Tommy bites his lip. "I'd go through everything again just to get here."

"I don't know what to say." Adam makes a small, adorable sound, like he's trying to swallow and then forgets halfway what he's doing. "I always know what to say."

"Have you any idea how awesome that is?" He kisses the phone, and doesn't give a damn how stupid that makes him. "I made you speechless."

Adam laughs quietly.

"Hurry home. I miss you."

"I'm glad I'm not there right now. Nothing would stop me."

Tommy lets himself fall against the pillows. "And now you say that. Unfair."

"You'll thank me later."

"I'll bite you later." He wipes his nose with the back of his hand. "Can I?"

Adam laughs again. "You should borrow that book from your mother."

"You're not gonna tell me anything?" It still annoys him that Adam knows so much more about what it means to be a werewolf. Of course it's only natural, but still, he wishes he wasn't so clueless about everything. 

"I'm gonna show you."

He curls on his side, wishing Adam was there. "I can't wait."

Adam's birthday party is insane. Tommy tries to have fun, but he's mostly exhausted and lost. There are so many people he doesn't know, and he ends up drinking too much. He tries not to bother Adam, talks with people he knows, mingles like he's supposed to do as the Beta of his pack, but the role feels too big for him. 

When the cake is brought out he stays at the back of the wide room and watches Adam as his picture gets taken with everyone, as he smiles and laughs and talks and makes everything seem so natural. 

Tommy feels like he should be more, like he should be able to do what Adam does, make it happen no matter how difficult it is for him. He has the curse on his side. He should be able to charm people. He should be able to make people feel at ease with him, but he can't. For some reason he can't get over the fact that there are so many people he doesn't know and he has no idea what to say to them. 

"You look like you could need a break," Roxy says to him. He didn't even notice that she had found her way to his side. "Wanna go outside for a while? I could smoke."

He nods, and then sighs in relief when the music gets muffled by the elevator doors. 

"Can you handle his life?" Roxy asks, worry clear in her voice. 

He hates questions like that because they make him doubt his choices. "I'll be fine. I'm just so tired after everything that's happened, and tomorrow's the big day."

They go to the back alley, and Roxy lights a cigarette. 

It's a cool night but a nice one. The moon is high on the sky, almost full. The wolf is stronger, more eager, and Tommy smiles at it, letting it feel his frustration and tiredness, too. It shares the emotions, and that makes everything easier to deal. 

"Do you ever wish he wasn't a star?" Roxy asks. "We could have more of his time if he wasn't."

Tommy looks at her for a while, then says, "I don't care. He can be whatever he wants to be. If he chooses to be a florist next that's fine by me. I'll play, though, and I want to play in his band as long as he wants me to be there, but if he wants to do something else... I'm not gonna stop him. And I'll tolerate all the bullshit, too. I just want him to be happy."

"What about your happiness?" Roxy puts a hand over her mouth, an apology in her eyes. "Sorry. Can I ask these things from you? Do you mind? I'm always asking too many questions." 

Tommy laughs. "It's fine. You answered all my stupid questions in the beginning. You can ask anything. And besides, I value your opinion."

Roxy leans against the brick wall, the cigarette between her fingers, the skimpy blue dress revealing her well-shaped thighs. "Then tell me, are you happy?"

The answer is so simple he almost doesn't want to say it. He steps closer to her, sharing warmth with her, and she breathes in quietly but says nothing. "I always thought happiness was something I could gain. It's not. I'm happy because I'm happy. It's not because everything is perfect, or because we're perfect, or because I don't feel pain any more. I'm happy through all the things that have happened. I'm happy in my own way. But yeah, I'm happy." It wasn't so simple after all. He could've said yes. That would've been true, too. 

"I'm happy for you," she says, swallowing tears, her cigarette burning out. 

Tommy pulls her into a hug, and she lets him. "You're one of my closest friends," he whispers in her hair. 

"I know." 

A part of him wishes he could be more to her, that he could have many possible paths in his life. He can't. He's chosen his, and it's the right one. 

Roxy pats his shoulder. "Let me go before I embarrass myself completely." When Tommy releases her she doesn't look at him, but she smiles. "I hope he knows how lucky he is. Not many people find what he has found."

"He knows," Tommy says quietly. "I know, too."

"Yeah... You lucky bastards." She pokes his side, and he jumps, then attacks her with fierce tickling fingers. 

When they get back to the party they are both laughing, and it doesn't take long for a group of people to surround them. They become the center of interesting conversations, people taking part in their joy. 

Tommy finds Adam over the crowd, and they lock eyes, smiling to each other. They can do this together.

Once the party is over Monte drives them home, leaving them to the sidewalk to hold each other up. It's a bad thing that they're in this condition before the wedding, but nothing can be done about it now. 

Tommy takes the first steps towards the front door, and almost falls on his knees because Adam doesn't follow him, just holds onto his hand. He turns to look at Adam, a little annoyed, but then theirs eyes meet. 

It's the wolf.

"Do you have any doubts?" Adam is drunk, but he doesn't sound like it right now. "Do you want to be mine?"

Tommy moves closer, steps against Adam's body, and breathes. The wolf is his too. He nuzzles Adam's neck, tries to get as close as he can. "Please."

"Tomorrow." There are teeth against his throat, and he lets Adam pull at his hair, lets Adam position him just right. He wants, his eyes closing. He goes limp in Adam's arms. No sound comes out of his mouth. "Tomorrow," Adam whispers against his skin. 

He wants tomorrow to be now. 

Instead of biting him, Adam kisses his mouth, and that shouldn't feel so new but it does. He tries to answer the kiss the best he can, tries but fails. Adam's wolf always affects him more than anyone else in the world. It has him begging even if he doesn't know what he's begging for. He just yields. 

"Be more perfect, I dare you," the wolf growls, and it makes Tommy smile. He's in good hands, and no matter where those hands lead him he will always follow. 

Somehow they get inside. It's all a bit confusing to him because he's drunk but he's also under the wolf's spell. He's a willing slave, his wrists in one of Adam's hands, and he's being pulled up the stairs and into the bedroom. He's laughing, but his heart is beating fast, excitement and fear mixing in his blood. He loves this person, but it's also scary to give everything of himself to him. Forever is a very long time. 

Adam stops right before the bed, turns around, and says, "Please sleep in the guestroom. I can't... Please?"

His wrists are still in Adam's hold so he only tilts his head, smiling. "Am I finally getting to you?"

"You've been getting to me the whole time, but it's almost full moon and the wolf wants you too and... just..." Adam closes his eyes, his hand cupping Tommy's chin, a thumb caressing his lower lip. "You're so beautiful."

He takes a step back, and Adam releases him, but doesn't open his eyes. "Okay." Tommy steals one of Adam's used T-shirts, and walks out of the room before anything happens. 

His stomach is full of butterflies so he doesn't sleep much, but it doesn't matter. When he opens his eyes in the morning he's wide awake immediately, and not tired at all. 

He's getting married. It's the weirdest feeling ever, and he never thought he'd marry a guy. He's just happy his mom is completely on their side. 

When he goes downstairs after a shower Adam is already sitting at the kitchen table. Their eyes meet, and it's love and familiarity. Tommy goes to Adam, and kisses him because this is his life now. He can. "I'm glad this is happening." He still fears it's a dream, and that he'll wake up one day to realize that he never got away from his old pack. 

Adam holds him close for a while, not kissing him, just keeping him there, like he's the most precious person ever. 

The morning goes by in a fog. They have packed their bags a few days before because Leila told them that they'll forget something important if they don't. And she reminded them about the rings. Everyone forgets the rings. 

Someone honks a horn, and Tommy looks outside. The buses are there already, waiting for them. They gather their stuff and go. The wind pulls at his hair and the air is crisp and cold, but the only thing that matters is Adam's warm hand in his. 

It's an early morning so everyone is quiet. Tommy just sits behind Jeff and Roxy, and Adam sits next to him. 

Tommy let Adam have his way with the wedding. The first day is for the pack because full moon means full wolves. The second day is for their family and friends, too, and they'll be arriving long after they've changed back to their human forms. Tommy isn't sure why Adam wanted to have the wedding during full moon, but he's pretty certain it has something to do with mating. He should've borrowed the god damn book from his mom. 

When they arrive to the place at the canyons all Tommy can do is stare. There are three huge bedouin tents next to each other in a half circle and in the middle there's a bonfire already lit. It's easy to spot Sisi because of her blue hair, and Leila is there, too, her brown hair on a ponytail and her hands on her waist as she looks around. At least ten workers are there to do whatever she needs from them. 

"That's my mom always organizing," Adam whispers in his ear. 

Tommy has seen her twice before, and the first time they met she hugged him like Adam hugs people with her full body and soul, acceptance and love in her touch. He had been overwhelmed by her, but quietly pleased that he didn't have to try to win her over. She trusts her son's judgment, and she said to Tommy the last time they saw each other: "He's known what he's doing since he was five." 

They get off the bus, and when Sisi notices them she comes running, jumping to Tommy's neck when she's close enough. "Oh my god, you're here. It's been terrible. She's a meanie."

Tommy laughs. "She wants everything to be perfect." He lowers his voice so only Sisi and Adam can hear him. "I don't really care. I don't even know if we have a cake. Do we?"

Adam pulls at his hair, kisses the side of his head, and leaves without a word because Leila beckons him over. 

"You do have a cake. It's tall, too," Sisi says, and then lets go of his neck, but doesn't step back. She looks into his eyes, serious all of a sudden. "You have black circles under your eyes. Sutan won't be happy." She takes his hand and starts leading him to one of the tents. "You need to get dressed." 

The tent is full of mattresses and colorful fabrics and pillows - he's never seen anything like it - and Sutan is there waiting for him with his tools ready. "You're late," Sutan mutters and sits him down. There's a mirror right in front of him, and he has to admit he looks terrible. Puffy and exhausted, not a good look on anyone. "This is what you get when you stay up late and drink too much," Sutan continues to complain, but Tommy sees the smile, too. He lets Sutan work, closes his eyes whenever Sutan asks him to and relaxes in his hands. He trusts Sutan. He's seen what he can do. 

Sisi brings in the clothes he's supposed to wear. Tommy can't stop giggling when he sees them. "That?" he asks and gets a growl from Sutan because now there's eyeliner on his cheek and he's moving about way too much. "Sorry."

"He's theatrical," Sisi says, and Tommy nods. He's going to wear whatever Adam wants him to wear. He really doesn't care about the wedding. He cares about the part after it. But it all means a lot to Adam. 

It takes Sutan an hour to finish his makeup, and his fingers truly are magical because there's nothing left of his puffy-self after. He looks stunning, like a beautiful creature from a fairy-tale. "Wow." That's all he can say, and Sutan beams. 

They help him out of his clothes, and he puts on the long black skirt and the belt with leather and metal straps on it. Sisi puts the two bracelets on his wrists and then fastens the Egyptian necklace. 

"I can't go out like this," he says to his mirror image. "Do I at least get to wear shoes?" And it's cold outside. He's already shivering. 

"Bare feet was his request." 

He turns around, and looks at his back. The skirt looks pretty good, but otherwise he's not that sure about the outfit (or the lack of it). The makeup fits to it, though, and so does his hair. He's just uncomfortable with the idea that the scar on his back is visible to everyone. "What about tomorrow? Am I wearing this tomorrow, too." 

"He said that if you don't feel comfortable in it then tomorrow you can both wear suits. He hopes you'll wear this, though." Sisi's eyes are round when she stares at Tommy. "And to be honest, you look awesome in it."

Sutan nods. "We don't have formal wear, no rules for it, so when you go to werewolf weddings you'll see all kinds of things. This looks good. Don't worry about it."

"Where do I wait for Adam to get ready?" He feels jittery already, and there's still lots of time until everything starts. He can smell the food being prepared, and his stomach growls. "Can I get something to eat?" He realizes all of a sudden that he probably should have taken more part in the wedding planning. Maybe Adam feels like he's not interested in it at all, or that he's giving control over to others far too easily. The truth is, he's fine by anything because this is not for him. This is for others. This is for the pack and their families and friends. Everything that happens after is for them. But yeah, Adam might think that he doesn't care at all, and that's not true. "Can I see him?"

Sisi laughs. "You're talking about everything like you don't have any will of your own. Of course you can see him, but he doesn't want to see you in your full glory before the ceremony starts. I'll go get him. You can talk through the tent wall."

Tommy looks at himself again in the mirror because he looks like someone else, but also like someone he is underneath all the things he's learned. He has to wear this outfit with confidence or he'll look ridiculous in it. How does Adam pull of all those crazy costumes? 

"He's here," Sisi says from the tent door, and Tommy goes to her and stands beside the tent wall. Adam is behind it; Tommy can smell him. 

"Nervous?" Adam asks quietly. 

"Yeah, but that's not it. I just want you to know that this day and tomorrow mean the world to me. I want to do this. I want to share this day with our friends and family. I even want to wear this stupid thing - tomorrow too."

Adam's laugh is bright and happy. "You're the best, you know that? The best."

He smiles. "Only for you."

After that Sisi takes him to the other tent to eat something. He sits there alone because Adam doesn't want anyone to see them beforehand. The tent has seven long tables and one more at the front with at least ten seats. The tables are low and the seats are more like pillows than chairs but they have back rests, too. He wonders if Adam thought of One Thousand and One Nights when he came up with this.

He finds another mirror and can't help but look in it. Sutan drew a few tribals on his back and chest, too, and he has no idea if they mean something to Adam's pack - to their pack. 

He's so nervous now that he can't stay still for more than a few seconds. He manages to knock over a few candles, but fortunately nothing breaks. He giggles in the quiet tent. It's time for something to happen or he'll lose his mind. 

Sisi comes back after what feels like an hour, and she's dressed up, too. Her hair has feathers in it, and she's wearing a yellow long dress that looks like it's made of one piece of fabric. Her blue hair clashes with the dress, but somehow she still manages to look gorgeous. 

"Everyone is ready. I'll take you to Adam."

Tommy follows her, the rugs under his feet warm and soft. They go out from the back and walk to the first tent.

Adam is waiting for him there, standing beside the opening of the tent. When he senses Tommy he turns around, a smile on his face. "Come here, gorgeous."

He feels the pull, like there is a bond between them already, something deeper than just feelings. Adam's eyes follow his every step until they are face to face. 

"I wanna hug you, but I don't want to mess up the tribals." Adam kisses his forehead instead, the touch lingering. "It's happening. We're here." It's a whisper, and Tommy shares Adam's need to be quiet. 

He puts his hands on Adam's waist, just above the belt. He wants to stay there, close, forever. "Hi," he says quietly. 

Adam looks perfect in those clothes, in the costume they share, and Tommy wonders if he'll ever be good enough, strong enough to match Adam's confidence. They are like night and day, Adam and him. 

"They've all gathered around the fire," Adam says, quickly explaining what's going to happen. "Silvia's sister Magda will marry us under the werewolf law. We have our own tent a bit further away, and we'll go there after the feast."

He finds it funny that he knows nothing about his own wedding. The plans have changed so many times over the past month. He laughs against Adam's neck. "Tell me you love me. Tell me I'm good enough." Right now, he needs this so he can face all the people out there, the people who will count on him, who will need him, who will ask for his help. 

Adam takes hold of his shoulders, and just keeps him there, their bodies almost touching. "I couldn't ask for a better Beta. You don't want to rule. The best rulers are the ones who will do everything in their power to make the right decisions, but who don't want to have any power over others. You'll do better than fine. You'll be good to them. You'll love them." Adam's lips find his ear, kiss it, breath hot against his skin. "I love you, and I will continue to love you as long as I live."

He breathes out, long and deep. "Let's go."

Adam takes his hand and they step outside, the sunshine greeting them. Everyone turns to look at them. 

Tommy tries to smile, but his heart is in his throat, and all he can do is hope to stay on his feet, and maybe walk a little, too. 

The pack is sitting in a half circle around the fire, yellow and orange pillows under them. Magda in her black dress and black braid is waiting for them beside the fire, her feet bare. 

The ground is harsh under Tommy's feet, but he doesn't feel any pain. He's concentrating on not falling on his face while walking down the narrow path people have left for them. Adam is a pillar of strength next to him.

They stop in front of Magda, still holding hands, and Magda starts the ceremony. "We've gathered here today to send these two on a journey that will last for a life time. They've chosen to put their faith in each other, and today, they'll form a bond through marriage."

Tommy stares at the flames behind her back. Everything feels like a dream, and when everyone starts to chant it's like the whole world becomes enchanted. Adam squeezes his hand, probably smelling how disoriented he feels. 

Magda picks up two pieces of orange string from the small table where their rings are. She motions them to let go of each other and hold their hands out. She ties the strings around their wrists, then takes the rings and holds them on her palm. "These rings are tokens of your love. They will remind you every day who you belong to and why. Please take them and please be kind to each other always."

Adam takes his ring, and he takes Adam's. His heart is hammering in his chest because this is it. He's marrying someone he loves. 

Magda touches their foreheads with the side of her hand, and then takes a small step back. Adam turns towards him, holding the ring between his fingers. "With this ring I take you, Tommy, to be my husband, my Beta, my lover forever. I will love, cherish, and honor you for the rest of my days. You're the joy of my life." Adam takes his left hand and puts the ring on his finger. It's smooth and made of titanium, and it fits perfectly. He just wants to stare at it, but it's his turn. 

He looks at Adam, and for a second he can't remember anything he was supposed to say. Then the words just come to him. "Adam, I give you this ring, wear it with love and joy. I choose you to be my husband, my Alpha, my lover forever. I promise to love and cherish you until the day I die. I submit myself to you." His hands are shaking when he takes Adam's hand, but he manages to put the ring on Adam's finger.

Magda smiles. "Give me your hands."

They hold out the hands that have the strings on them, and she takes the ends of the strings and ties them together. "With the permission of the High Council I now pronounce you husbands. You're married." She leans closer to them and whispers, "You can kiss now."

Adam touches the side of Tommy's face, then lets his fingers slide lower, under his chin. He pulls Tommy closer and seals their marriage with a kiss. It's soft at first, but the magic between them burns strong and it becomes heated before they can stop it. The flames of the fire warm his skin, but it's Adam's tongue that brings out the fever in him. He has to pull away, and they just stare at each other, panting. 

Everyone starts to cheer, but it's distant noise to Tommy because all he can hear is Adam's heartbeats. His lips are tingling. He wants to move closer, he wants to touch, but if he does there's no end to it. 

Adam takes his hand, the string still tying them together, and he forgets how to move, his legs pure jelly. "I can't," he whispers, but Adam only smiles. It's full of promises and dreams. He cannot wait. He wants it all. Everything. And then they are walking towards the tent that has the tables in it, everyone following them. 

The table at the back is theirs, and Adam takes him there. He sits down, watching their people finding their places, smiling, chatting happily. They are here to celebrate with them. Tommy realizes that their joy gives joy to others too. After all the terrible things that have happened this is a day of happiness for everyone. It makes him smile. 

"What?" Adam whispers in his ear, and he loses his concentration completely, leaning against Adam. It's pure instinct. 

He tries to find words, but all he can do is breathe. 

"Am I that intoxicating to you?" Adam bites his ear, and his hands start to shake. 

"More," he whispers. 

Adam sniffs his skin. "I..."

He's not going to get through the meal. "You're the center of my universe right now. I can't... I want." He leans even closer to Adam, looking for something that would give him enough of a mind that he could eat like normal people. 

"Wanna go already?" Adam's nose touches the shell of his ear. "I miss your warmth."

The pack deserves to be a part of this. They should stay. He just nods because he's weak. 

Adam calls Monte over, and tells him that they won't be staying, that they'll go to their tent now. He also tells Monte that they won't be joining the pack when the moon rises. 

Tommy lets Adam lead him out of the tent without saying goodbye to anyone. "Tomorrow," Adam says, "Tomorrow we'll be what they need. Tonight, you're mine."

He bites his lip, following Adam. "Thank you."

Adam turns to look at him, a bemused expression on his face. "Why?"

"For thinking I'm more important today."

Adam stops, pulling him into a hug, neither of them caring about the tribal drawings any more. "To us, the pack will always be the most important thing. To me, you're everything. Don't ever doubt that."

He doesn't. Not any more.


	27. Chapter 27

Their tent isn't far, but the journey there is still too long. He keeps looking at Adam's broad back, their joint hands, the bare feet peeking from under Adam's black skirt. He still can't believe that this person is his, that they are together. He was homeless, and now his heart has a place to rest. The joy he feels is full of gratitude. 

"Wanna know why I let you do all the planning; why I didn't borrow the book from my mom?" Tommy asks, following Adam on top of a small hill. 

Adam glances at him, eyes warm. "I think I know, but tell me."

Tommy grins. "I wanted to experience everything without any expectations. This is the last time I have the luxury of not needing to know. I want you to show me, like you promised. I want that. Show me, please."

Adam stops, and Tommy almost runs into him. He doesn't say anything, just stares ahead, and Tommy touches his side, questioning. Adam turns to face him, puts his hand in Tommy's hair, and pulls him close. "I'm so glad you let me." Adam pauses, kissing the side of Tommy's left eye. "Trust." 

He nods.

"Did you ever submit to anyone?" 

Tommy closes his eyes, his skin tingling under Adam's touch. "You're the only one."

Adam leans down, bites the skin under his jaw, and he tilts his head back, giving him access. "Why?"

"Because you deserve it."

Adam's hand in his hair becomes gentle, but it feels like a warning. He stays absolutely still. "Nothing has ever felt this good to me."

He can only breathe through his mouth, his body moving with each breath, like soft waves. He tries to open his eyes, but right then Adam puts his hand to the back of his neck and grips his hair there. "You should see yourself right now," Adam says quietly, touching his lips with his own, but not staying there for long. "We need to go. Now."

Tommy agrees. He blinks a few times, trying to find his focus. 

"Can you walk?" Adam asks, and there's teasing laughter in his voice.

Tommy bites Adam's arm, but says nothing, and they get going, Adam laughing quietly. Their hands are still tied together, and it feels right, beautiful even. His ring hand is in Adam's right one, the strings bright around their wrists. He smiles.

When they get to their tent Adam holds their hands up and breaks the string-bond, a small smile on his face. "This would only be in the way," he says against Tommy's ear. 

Adam pushes Tommy inside, and then holds him in front of himself, showing him what he's done. The space is nothing but warm and inviting colors - green, yellow, orange, and red - soft covers everywhere. There's a huge silver plate full of fruits on a table nearby their bed, and lanterns of all sizes are on every surface. The candles inside them are lit, and they cast shadows over the bright fabrics.

He stands still, silent. He loves Adam's mind. 

Adam brushes his hands over Tommy's arms, moves them down his bare chest and stomach, and it's all he needs to do to make him shiver. "I wanted to wait because of this," he says, and touches Tommy's neck, slides his fingers over his skin, and Tommy sways. "The way you react to me drives me crazy."

Adam takes off the necklace, then kisses his shoulder. Adam's teeth are sharp, and he's not holding back any more. "I want to own you, and I want to be owned by you."

Tommy leans back, his focus completely on Adam. Adam's hands move down to his waist, fingers digging into his skin, those teeth moving from one end of his shoulder to the other. Adam is making small sounds deep in his throat. "I want everyone to know you're mine."

"Then do it." He sounds so much more confident than how he feels. 

Adam licks his neck and shoulder, then bites him, just holds him still with his teeth. His knees buckle, his mind narrowing into that painful spot where they are connected. His mouth opens, a silent cry escaping him. Adam doesn't let go, just bites deeper, pulling him closer. 

Everything becomes sharp, so clear he fears the pain will blind him. But it's the pleasure that messes with his head, and it lasts so long he becomes helpless. He pushes his hand through Adam's hair, pulls, pain-pleasure killing his nerves. He tries to say something, but he can't form words. He whines, then starts panting because it's insane. Adam won't release him.

The hands on his waist move, Adam's arms circling his body, holding him closer still. He pushes back with his feet, hands holding Adam's arms, stroking them. He tilts his head to the side, surrendering, letting Adam bite him harder. Balir howls inside him, acknowledging its mate, and then he cries out because it hurts more than he can bear. He yields anyway, relaxing in Adam's arms, and that changes everything. 

It starts with a mellow sea of warmth. It's connection and happiness and secrets. Truth between them. He feels Adam and the wolf, begins to know them in the same way he knows himself. He laughs when he feels the soft touch of Adam's tongue. It's distant, yet somehow so close it feels like Adam is inside him.

The blood from the wound slides down his chest and back. He wants this scar to stay; he wants to show it to everyone. 

When Adam lets go it feels like a loss. He tries to protest, but then Adam starts to lick at his skin, the blood, the wound, and all he can do is stand there because everything else requires some sort of a mind. 

Adam presses his nose against the shaved side of his head, travels lower, sniffing at the skin behind his ear. "That's the first one," he says, and it's all wolf, almost no words at all. 

_First._ He's not sure if he can take more. 

"Kneel for me, please." The words are like silk to his burning mind. Adam releases him, and he doesn't hesitate, just turns around and goes down on his knees. He looks up, and Adam touches his mouth with his thumb, smears what's left of his lip-gloss. 

He puts his hands on the belt of Adam's skirt and waits for the nod. When he gets it he opens the buckle, drops the belt, and then finds the button of the skirt. The skirt falls to Adam's feet, and he's wearing nothing underneath. 

The last time he did this he was drunk, and it was years ago. He swallows, all of a sudden uncertain. Adam's scent circles him, and he inhales, closing his eyes. He doesn't know what Adam is waiting for, but he feels no impatience in the hand that's still touching his face.

He leans closer, licks the head of Adam's dick, tongue soft against the slit, and the sound Adam makes nails him there. He opens his mouth, invites Adam in. It's more than he expected, easier but stranger. 

Adam touches his mouth when it's stretched wide around him, and that he can't take. He has to touch himself, but Adam doesn't seem to mind. 

"Look at me," Adam says, his voice broken. 

Tommy opens his eyes, looks up, and right then, Adam starts to move, thrusting into his mouth, not too deep but deep enough that he can feel it. His knees hurt, and the hand in his hair is a little cruel, but all that adds to it. He wants Adam to come like this, fucking his mouth, watching him. 

He licks the underside of Adam's cock, and a bit of saliva runs down his chin. His eyelids feel heavy, and it's hard for him to keep looking at Adam, but Adam pulls at his hair the moment he closes his eyes. He would smile if his mouth wasn't so full. 

There's nothing controlled about the way Adam moves, his thrusts short and messy, and Tommy meets each of them with a movement of his own. He does as much as Adam lets him, his hands on Adam's thighs. 

Adam touches his mouth again, gentle and searching, and when he sucks experimentally Adam can't even warn him before he comes, his whole body shaking. It's a little surprising, but he manages to swallow most of it. 

When Adam pulls back and falls on his knees he's very pleased to get praises, words that make no sense, just his name, and love, and amazement. He looks at Adam, lips swollen, his chin wet with saliva and come. 

"Love you," Adam says, pulling him into a hug. 

He's laughing now because this is better than he thought, more, gorgeous. "You liked that?"

Adam murmurs something in his neck, and he can't understand a word. "What?" he asks, his hands in Adam's hair, finally. 

"I got more than I expected." 

Tommy pulls back, and looks at Adam. He wants to say something, but Adam distracts him by licking his chin. His stomach flips, and he licks into Adam's mouth because nothing, nothing affects him more than Adam and his ideas of proper and normal. He tastes Adam on his tongue, and all he wants is more, closer, now. 

Adam holds his elbows and lifts him up, then walks them over to the bed, kissing him the whole time. Adam sits down, and pulls Tommy between his legs, spreads them wide, inviting. Tommy tries to stay still, but Adam's hands weave a strange net around him, and he reacts to the smallest touch. He throws his head back when Adam sucks at his nipple, bites it, his teeth still sharp. Adam puts his hands on his ass, pulls him closer, and he goes with it, arms useless at his sides. 

The blood has partly dried on his skin, and Adam licks his fingers and wipes it off his chest, his other hand still holding Tommy's ass, squeezing. 

His inhales are sharp and loud, and then he stops breathing entirely because Adam slides his hands under the skirt's waist and just rip it off of him. He distantly mourns the loss because he can't wear it tomorrow, but then Adam slides his fingers down the small of his back all the way to his hole, owning his body that easily. 

Adam has him leaning against him, his knees bent and between Adam's thighs, and he can't handle the amount of pleasure he feels. The wound on his shoulder throbs, and he wants Adam to touch him. He wants to come, anything but these lick-taste-bites all around his body, Adam's fingers teasing him, not slick enough to push in, but strong enough to create pressure. 

Then Adam just gets up, arms around Tommy, lifting him and throwing him on the bed, everything happening so fast he can't even react. Adam is on him the moment he lands on the bed, kissing his mouth, biting and sucking his lips, pinning his hands to the bed. 

Balir surges forward before Tommy can stop it, and Adam has to use force to hold him down. He growls, and Adam pushes his head to the side with his chin. "I want you to come with nothing but my cock inside you. I want to see you give in."

He grinds his teeth, the bone of Adam's chin hurting his jaw. 

"Submit." Adam moves on top of him, their cocks sliding against each other. He can't think. "Give yourself to me."

The wolf is so fucking stubborn. He's trembling beneath Adam, every part of his body yearning. He can't even move his head because Adam is still pushing him down. Finally he feels his body relax just a little, the wolf pulling back. Adam sinks his teeth into his neck, and he screams, the wolf screaming with him. It's a short bite, but it destroys his mind, the rational part of it. He craves. "Please... Fuck..." 

There's nothing patient about Adam any more. He pushes slick fingers inside him, not waiting for him to get used to them. Three make him feel so full, he pushes with his feet, his back rising off the bed. 

And then Adam is right there, pushing inside him, going deep with the first thrust, and the burn is mind-blowing. He can't be quiet. He can't stop the string of words coming out of his mouth. Adam is inside him, filling him, pushing even deeper, and then Adam takes hold of his shoulders, and starts fucking him, and it's so, so good he can only wrap himself around Adam. 

When he starts to come Adam bites him again and this time all the three bite marks join together, hit every part of his mind, connect him to Adam in a way that he could never explain. He's all around Adam, in his every movement, inside his mind. In that moment, they're one, the wounds his gateway to Adam's soul. When Adam comes he feels it like his own orgasm and he cries out, maybe coming again himself. He's everything in that moment, so full, so satisfied, he can only try to breathe. 

He's not coming down either. The small movements Adam makes with his hips kill him. He's ready to go right away, and he laughs, pure joy and nothing else. 

"This is mating," Adam says, the wolf right there, too. "Bite me."

Balir doesn't hesitate at all, just takes the opportunity to own the Alpha. Tommy tastes blood, hears the sounds Adam makes, and feels Adam move inside him. Sensory overload. He doesn't need Adam to touch his cock; his whole body is so sensitive the smallest movement makes his skin sing. He lets go of Adam's shoulder, licks the blood away, and then he's coming again because Adam is.

When he comes around next Adam is licking his mouth, still inside him, still hard. "You're so good to me," Adam says, his voice nothing but sex. 

He's also so wet, so stretched open Adam moves inside him with ease. He clenches his muscles, and the look on Adam's face turns his mind blank. He can smell them, and sex has never smelled so good. "Please. Fuck me."

Adam stares into his eyes, then gets on his knees, and turns Tommy around, his back to Adam. He buries his face into a pillow, his arms under it, Adam pulling almost entirely out of him, and then fucking into him hard. He pushes back, meeting each thrust, so, so out of it he's nothing but frantic movement. 

Adam is clawing at his sides, rough and harsh, and so much what he wants and needs right now that when the orgasm hits him his vision blurs and he lets go, lets Adam use him, lets him pull him into a violent kiss, Adam's hand on his throat, squeezing.

When he can breathe again he's finally coming down, so exhausted he can't even move his head. Adam kisses the back of his neck, his whole weight pinning Tommy to the bed. Adam is still inside him but getting softer. "I love you," Adam whispers in his ear, warm and pleased. "You're mine."

He is. Every bit of him. "And you're mine," he says to Adam, and there's so much wolf in his voice it surprises him. 

Adam rocks against him gently, and he whines. He can't do anything right now, yet he would let Adam fuck him again. "You surrender beautifully."

His heart flutters.

"Balir is so good, too." Adam says against his spine. "So good to me." He moves lazily on top of Tommy, the thrusts sweet and deep, like afterthoughts. He stops before they become too meaningful, and just stays inside Tommy, showering his shoulders with kisses. 

When Tommy moves his hips Adam becomes interested, gathers Tommy completely under him, his hands in a tight hold, his legs between Adam's. Adam is breathing hard against his neck, the rocking of his hips still mostly not there. He's driving Tommy crazy with it because he can't do anything. He's trapped, forced to take it, and he gets so very little it's almost nothing. 

Adam kisses his ear, then licks it, takes the lobe into his mouth, and he groans because it's too much. He wants Adam to move, do something, fuck him, make it bearable. "Just... do something." The words are mere breaths. He closes his eyes, and bites Adam's fingers. 

Adam pants against his ear, but doesn't change the rhythm. He's slowly driving them both mad. 

"Please."

"I want you to come like this. Even if it takes forever." Adam tightens his hold, and he pushes back, tries to create some kind of friction, something other than the agonizingly slow burn of Adam's cock inside him. He's losing it, his sweaty hair getting stuck to his face. 

"God, you're killing me," he whispers, and yet, he's starting to feel it, the need to come, and it hurts so good. His body starts to shake, and Adam just holds him closer, so close it's suffocating. When it hits him he's completely gone, undone to the bone, and he can't stop shaking even afterwards. 

Adam pulls him into a kiss, but he can't answer it; he's too broken and vulnerable, still trembling. He's blinking hard, trying to hold in at least some of it. 

"I love you like this. Thank you." Adam nuzzles his neck, and the wounds on his shoulders remind him of their existence, aching, still bleeding a little. He feels dizzy. "Beautiful."

Adam pulls slowly out of him, lies down next to him, and wraps himself around Tommy. He's still so weak he can barely turn his head. Adam kisses his nose, and that makes him laugh. He falls asleep before he can say anything, still laughing.

He wakes up to the feeling of someone staring at him. When he opens his eyes Adam is there, sharing a pillow with him, _staring_. "What?" Tommy asks, sleep-soft.

Adam smiles. "I'm loving you."

There's a warm blanket over them, and Tommy is very grateful for that. He doesn't want to do anything for a year. Unfortunately something is going to happen soon. "How long until wolf-time?"

"Few minutes maybe. I didn't want to wake you up."

He buries his face in Adam's chest. "I hope Balir behaves."

"He loves me, too."

Tommy knows that, but he also knows Balir is stubborn as hell. And then he feels the first push-pull of the wolf. The moon is rising. 

"It's coming," Adam says, sitting up. "Stay with me."

Tommy sits up too, his skin hurting when the fur starts to push through. The shift is so much faster now that he has shifted at will. It hurts less, too. He's in his wolf form before he can fully realize it, and then Adam is right there, snarling at him. 

Balir is upset, but not because it wants to attack. It's upset because Adam shouldn't be snarling at them. Adam is their mate. Balir licks at Adam's mouth, making small sounds of submission, and finally Adam just curls on the bed, his tail over his snout.

Balir hesitates only for a second, and then lies next to him, so close there's nothing between them. It's warm and good, and Tommy smiles. This is his life now.


	28. Chapter 28

Some things will always make him feel like he's living someone else's life.

It's never a negative feeling, just a mellow thought like _how did I get here?_ One of those things is waking up next to Adam, waking up to something Adam does, waking up to Adam's eyes or hands on him. Adam petting his hair, sliding his hand over his shoulder, touching the small of his back will always be one of the most beautiful things he's ever experienced. 

Tommy opens his eyes, lazy and satisfied, but curious, too. It's the first morning after their mating. It's also the first morning after full moon when he's not aching and tired. Or he is _aching_ , but it has nothing to do with the wolf. 

"Morning," Adam says, and it sounds like _I adore you_. 

"Hi." He can't hold back the smile. 

Adam kisses him lightly. "Wanna take a bath? They brought us hot water."

He wants to curl closer to Adam and fall asleep again. Bath sounds good, though. His whole body throbs, and it's insanely erotic even though it shouldn't be. "Please."

Adam moves quickly, too quickly for an early morning, scoops Tommy into his arms and just lifts him up and carries him to the copper tub that's half filled and waiting for them at the other end of the tent. He can't even protest because he's too busy holding Adam's neck so he won't fall. 

The bath water is hot, and it makes his skin turn pink fast. He doesn't complain, though, because hot means relaxed muscles. He closes his eyes, leaning back, resting his head to the back of the tub. Adam pours more water into the tub, touching Tommy's shoulder the whole time, and then he sits opposite Tommy. The tub is big enough for both of them, but he's still mostly between Adam's legs. They stay like that for a while, not talking, not even touching that much, just enjoying the quiet moment. 

"I'm so happy you love me back," Adam says suddenly, and Tommy opens his eyes because it's lovely and insecure and not at all Alpha-like. 

He extends his arm, and Adam puts his palm against Tommy's, lacing their fingers. Tommy smiles because nothing in this world is as adorable as insecure Adam. "You were made for me," he says, and he doesn't have to explain it at all. Adam knows what he means. Someone else could have destroyed him, but Adam gave him the will to fight. He's a person again with a mind of his own, and Adam appreciates that mind, wants to know it, wants to have and hold it. That's not the reason why he loves Adam, though. "You're the best person I've ever known. You try so hard. It's so easy to love you, so, so easy."

Adam pulls him close, wraps his legs around him, too, hands stroking Tommy's back, lips touching his ear. "I feared love. I have to be so many things to other people. I feared being this to someone else. I feared that I couldn't be enough, that I'd always leave the other person wanting more, unsatisfied. I've never met anyone like you. You need me, yet I'm enough to you. You have no idea what a relief that is."

Tommy lets his head fall against Adam's shoulder. This person is his home. "Don't worry. You'll always be kind of overwhelming to me - more instead of less. I'll be staring at you for the next ten years, wondering how on earth did I manage to catch you." He giggles, then tries to bite back the sound because it's embarrassing. He still can't handle happiness well. It always makes him feel like something bad is going to happen. But he has to have the courage to be happy.

Adam kisses his neck, then licks the wounds there, making them hurt in a wonderful way. His toes curl under the water. He's proud of those marks, and the thought makes him moan against Adam's skin. Adam's fingers brush against his hole, one pushing in easy because he's still a little wet from last night. He's also very relaxed. It's lazy more than anything, but it still makes his breath catch. 

He lets Adam own his body, lets him pull those sounds out of him, lets him drive him nearly to the brink of sanity, and then stop, soothing hands stroking his sides. He doesn't even complain, just breathes, breathes, breathes until his heartbeats settle. 

"I love this about you. I love how it makes you smell, how willful the wolf is and how compliant you are when you want to be. I love that. Love it." Adam kisses his jaw, then groans, reluctant all of a sudden. "We have to go soon. The party is starting, and this time we really have to be there." Adam sucks one of his fingers into his mouth, and that's not helping. 

He bites Adam's neck because he can play this game, too. It's not a gentle bite, and that's exactly why it has the effect he was looking for. Adam spreads under him, lets him move, lets him play. He doesn't let go of Adam's neck, just strokes his dick, quick and eager, wanting to see Adam come, but Adam stops him before he gets there. The hand in his hair is gentle, and the words make his spine arch. "I want you aching when we get back here. These next few days are going to be so intense, everything so new, and I want to make it even more intense."

Tommy sniffs Adam's neck, Balir right there with him. He both loves and hates Adam's wants and needs, but he also likes the idea of Adam holding back, giving him that same gift. He licks Adam's neck and ear, straddling his hips. His movements are deliberate, but he's willing to wait. He just likes to play with fire. 

Adam takes hold of his throat, pushes him on his back in the tub, careful not to hurt him, and holds him there. Tommy is nothing but a smirking bastard right then because he knows he has power over Adam. 

Slowly, Adam lets go, stops squeezing, and just touches his face gently, thumb brushing his lips. The look on Adam's face hurts him, the love there opening his soul, making him more vulnerable than anything. Adam takes hold of his elbows and pulls him up with himself. Tommy follows him easily, his heart in his throat. Adam dries him with a soft white towel, holding him close. 

They've been touching the whole morning, but when Adam goes to get clothes from their bags the contact is gone, and he cries out because it hurts. It's shocking. 

Adam is crouching nearby - there's less than a yard between them - yet he feels like his heart has been ripped out of his chest. 

"It's gonna get better. You'll get used to it," Adam says softly, so much love in his voice it soothes his body and mind. He can't believe how much it hurts, the ache under his fingernails the worst.

"I don't... I didn't know." He takes a few tentative steps towards Adam, then holds out his hand. Adam takes it, and he feels waves of pleasure and contentment moving through his body. He smiles, then lets go of Adam's hand, and the pain is back, just under his skin. Balir growls. "It's so weird." He does it a few times in a row, and the effect is always the same. "How can we be apart?"

"We can, later. Right now, it's not possible." Adam gets up, and kisses him, and the touch lights a fire inside him. He can't believe how easy it is; how completely at Adam's mercy he is. "It'll always hurt, but not like this, not this bad."

When they are ready to go - wearing leather and lace because Adam can't be anything but Adam - Tommy can't stop staring at his husband. The ring on his finger is pure joy, and the memory of the separation pain makes his heart race a little.

"Excited?" Adam asks, kissing the top of his head. 

"I think I'm a masochist," he says without thinking, and Adam stumbles a little. He looks at Adam, grinning. "Not that way. Just... In some way pain is pleasure to me. When I hurt, when it's the right kind of hurting, I don't mind."

Adam looks at him for a moment, then asks, "Makes you feel more alive?"

Tommy nods. "That, and also, pain keeps me awake. I can sink into music and stories and my own thoughts. This," he lets go of Adam and winces, "keeps it real, reminds me of things that matter. I don't know... I like it." He sneaks under Adam's arm the moment he's shown what he means.

"I'm gonna love every second of our lives together," Adam says, his lips touching Tommy's hair. 

He feels like purring, that's how stupidly happy he is. 

When they reach the other tents he sees his mother through the crowd, and just pulls Adam with him. He needs to be close to her, needs to tell her how awesome everything is, needs to see her smile. She's talking with Leila, her face animated and beautiful. She feels him coming over, just turns before he's close enough, and holds out her hands. He takes them, and kisses her cheeks. He feels the hollow pain inside him because Adam is not touching him, but it's okay. The love he feels right now is almost able to silence the ache inside him. 

"You're beautiful," his mom whispers. "And I can see the difference." She doesn't explain anything, just laughs softly, and hugs him properly.

He feels Adam moving closer, pressing his nose against the back of his neck, needy as hell. He smiles, loving the fact that he's not the only one. 

His mom pulls back, still holding his hand.

"Hello, Mrs. Ratliff," Adam says over Tommy's shoulder.

"Look what you did to my boy," she says, and Adam nods, so close to Tommy he can feel it. "You'll call me Dia from now on, won't you?" She leans close, and kisses Adam's cheek, lingering a little. Adam nods again, and Tommy sighs. He's surrounded by people he loves. 

When Dia steps back Adam pulls Tommy against his body, arms around him, burying his face in Tommy's neck. They sink into their own little world even though people around them start noticing that they are there, surrounding them, taking part in their joy. 

Leila, the savior, ushers everyone inside because she sees more than most people. She gives them a moment alone. 

Tommy lets the moment turn into minutes because right now, he wants to be engulfed by Adam's scent. 

"You make me whole," Adam says softly. "I don't want to let go, ever. Sorry."

"It's okay." They should probably go inside, but he wants to stay there in the breeze, his eyes closed, Adam's warmth keeping him warm, too. 

Adam nuzzles his neck and ear. "You're loved."

"I know." The feeling is overwhelming, the knowledge of being loved. "I know."

"Let's go." 

He makes an agreeing sound, but doesn't move, just puts his hands over Adam's. 

"We can't stand here forever."

Maybe he wants to. "Please stay with me. Promise me we'll grow old together. I wanna keep you. Please." He remembers the blood on his hands and shivers. 

Adam strokes the side of his head. "I see a bright future ahead of us, babies and matching underwear being a part of it," he says, laughing a little, and pulling Tommy tighter against himself. "Don't try to hold onto our lives. You'll be happier if you don't. I'll be here. I'll be yours. But we always have only today. Live with me in it."

He wants to be able to do that, but he's not there yet. Still, he nods. 

"Ready?" 

Maybe. 

Adam lets go of him, takes his hand, and pulls him to the direction of the tent.

Inside, he looks around, sees friends, pack members, family, and he knows he can do this. Everyday is not going to be picture perfect. He'll lose things. There will be days when he has to fight, when he has to be strong, but he's not alone any more. He's with family. 

 

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been an emotional journey. I loved writing this story so much. It was my first werewolf one, and completely stole my heart. Thank you so much for following.
> 
> This epilogue is not supposed to top the earlier chapter. I don't think it could even if I tried. It's supposed to show the day after, the life after, the life that continues after this story.


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